Well, looks like it's time for this again.
Dear Troll Candidate,
Thank you for your troll. Your troll has been evaluated by our panel of experts. Here are the results of our tests.
We found that your troll was...
[ ] Incomprehensible
[x] Offensive
[x] Just plain stupid
[x] Without merit
[x] Grammatically incorrect
[x] Laced with spelling and punctuation errors
[x] Laden with circular reasoning
[x] Laced with misunderstandings of basic scientific principles
[x] Somewhat too revealing of your minimal mental abilities
[xxxxxxxx] Too similar to other trolls submitted by candidates in the past.
You could improve your troll considerably by...
[x] Including a few actual facts.
[x] Taking remedial English lessons
[x] Mentioning NPR more.
[ ] Mentioning Memory Sticks more.
[x] Mentioning that you are a professional.
[x] Stating more falsehoods as facts than you already have.
[x] Splicing words to associate your opponents with evil. Examples: KKKarl Rove, BusHitler.
[x] Swearing more.
[x] Including more colorful personal insults.
[x] Using the phrases "you people" or "those people" more.
[x] Modifying your insults to cover larger groups of people at once.
[x] Ranting incoherently.
[x] Using religious or racial slurs.
[x] Using the words "junk", "crap", "garbage", "quagmire", "flimsy" and "Professional" more frequently.
[x] Using childish taunts.
[x] Including fake laughter such as "ha ha ha" or "har de har de har".
[x] Focusing on just one outrageous topic will give your troll more punch.
[ ] Ignoring any facts, and using more absolutes in your troll.
[x] Using all capital letters.
[x] Focusing more on those areas in which "your" opinion is better than "their" opinion.
[x] Exaggerate more, you need not be limited by facts. Examples: Say that somethig big just happened and all you've heard is that it happened. Even if it's a natural disaster, terrorist attack, war between two 3rd world countries, blame it on Bush, Rove, Delay, Limbaugh, O'Reilly, the Jews, or even the elves that cast charm spells on the stupid southerners who vote for them; it dosen't matter what you say. Just say anything that pops into your head. You can do it. Think stream of consciousness.
Please get a...
[x] life
[x] grip
[x] job
[x] clue
[x] book on basic politics
[x] note from your mom
You should...
[x] Have someone who can read review your postings.
[x] Save your postings out and think later if you really want to send them.
[x] Take your meds.
[x] Not have "one for the road" next time.
[x] Stay in school.
[x] Go think whatever you want, we don't care.
[ ] Think about other people's feelings before you post.
[x] Get your ego boost some other way.
[ ] Realize that by trolling a group you hurt everyone, not just the people you are mad at.
[x] Go away so we can talk about politics.
[ ] Put up a web site with your great opinions on it to show the world.
[ ] Take down your web site, your photos are horrible.
Suggested other activities besides trolling.
[x] Posting something constructive.
[x] Doing actual thinking.
[ ] Helping someone else.
[x] Spending some time with your family instead of your computer.
[x] Working off that big pot belly.
[x] Get your ego boost instead by helping out at a local hospital.
[x] Consider another hobby that does not require contact with other humans such as wood burning, breeding flowers, painting or mortuary science.
Thanks for your submission.
You have [ ] passed [ ] passed with honors [x] failed.
