She never came back it's over I know it ... she's gone and I've done everything now I'm trying to make a reason for myself, I miss her so much

I do not want any more animals for the rest of my life.
My last Boxer died in my arms about six months ago. Her ashes sit on my mantle along with the last three and she's still my avatar.
I've found that when I can look at their ashes,or my avatar,on the mantle and smile at their memories rather than being sad at the loss of something special it's time to think about another furry friend.
It's a touching story and I've always found your Avatar cute since the beginning that I signed up

and maybe having an other animal would help you

I do not want any other I want my pomponette
Your kitty is still not back yet ?!
Well it has been 2 weeks so you probably need to go into the forest and call for her.
Otherwise it is unlikely she will remember you much longer.
I trained my cat to find his way back home.
I did this by taking him on walks.
First short walks then long walks.
He can find his way home from about 1/2 a block away.
Further than this he gets lost.
When he is lost he hides in a bush and waits for me to come find him.
Then when he hears me calling he comes running out crying his meow-cry which is like that of a hungry kitten.
Normally I then need to carry him back home.
Sometimes he will just follow me home, but people and animals and cars scare him, so carrying him works best.
You may therefore need to go into the forest looking for your cat too.