Zone1 My (52nd) Anniversary Message

[DGS49]

The Contagion of Divorce

Exploring the dangers of divorce and the importance of marital commitment in Christian teachings.

townhall.com

I link an essay on marriage and divorce, taking the traditional, "conservative" viewpoint - one which is noteworthy for its irrelevancy more than its historicity in our current era. I think it's worth reading, whether you agree with it or not.

I have often heard it said about financial investment that "You make money when you buy an asset [wisely], not when you sell it." And the same concept is true about marriage: you have a successful marriage when you make the right "investment" (i.e., choose the right spouse), not when you try to force yourself to live with a bad choice - "because of the children," or whatever.

I don't like being congratulated for my long-term marriage. I made the right choice and although there have been peaks and valleys, our marriage was never in danger.

My son, 43, has been married and divorced twice, and according to him "all" of his high school friends have been divorced at least once, ironically excepting one who is married to a psychological basket case. True or not, I think the problem is (a) not making the right choice (of spouse) in the first place, and (b) unwillingness to do the things that keep a marriage together.

But what do I know?

Parenthetically, I wonder about these sources that quote percentage of marriage success. One cannot know whether any marriage is successful until it ends in either divorce or death. You can only determine definitively the ones that have failed TO DATE.

 

[1srelluc]

I'm 47 years into a life sentence myself.

I can't think of but one of my peers that remained married to the same woman. He died a couple of years back.

 

[Moonglow]

Why does your Lord God never get married? Is he afraid of commitment?

 

[ding]

I'm 47 years into a life sentence myself.

I can't think of but one of my peers that remained married to the same woman. He died a couple of years back.

Going on 41.

 

[Meriweather]

My son, 43, has been married and divorced twice, and according to him "all" of his high school friends have been divorced at least once, ironically excepting one who is married to a psychological basket case. True or not, I think the problem is (a) not making the right choice (of spouse) in the first place, and (b) unwillingness to do the things that keep a marriage together.

Love and marriage vows: Promises to seek and work for the good of the other. How many choose to dissolve marriages because the marriage they are in are just too easy....versus....how many choose to dissolve marriages because they want something easier?

Not making the right choice may come down to the old metaphor of some bad marriages being compared to unevenly yoked oxen or horses. When one is unevenly yoked, it does not mean the marriage is doomed to failure, but it does mean both need to work twice as hard for the marriage to be successful. When one is thinking of marriage, is it a case of opposites attract, or is it a case of being unevenly yoked. It's important to recognize which before choosing to marry.

My take is that society (divorce laws) made a mistake when creating an easy way out of a marriage. How many, today, approach marriage with the thought, "Well if it doesn't work out there is always divorce." Before my husband and I agreed on marriage, we promised that divorce was off the table, that we were capable of finding a better solution to any problem.

Each couple should ask this question: Am I marrying because I want an easier life? If that answer is yes, they need to think again. Marrying brings one face-to-face with greater challenges as each is now also seeking/working for the good of another. The question should be: Am I ready for this challenge? Perhaps with stricter divorce laws, the answer to that question might be given greater thought.

 

[80zephyr]

I dated my wife for 7 years before we married. I wanted to be as sure as I could be that she was
the right one. 42 years married.

 

[DGS49]

Maybe too preachy, but American adults need to be reminded that the "love" of marriage is not the same as romantic love; they may co-exist, but not necessarily.

The marriage commitment is analogous to the implicit promise to "love" an adopted baby. That baby may turn out to be someone that you never anticipated, but you are promising to treat that child with care, consideration, tolerance, patience, and affection, regardless of whether or not at one moment, they are "lovable."

Nowhere in marriage vows does one say, "I love you." You cannot promise to emote. It would be absurd.

 

[initforme]

Love and marriage vows: Promises to seek and work for the good of the other. How many choose to dissolve marriages because the marriage they are in are just too easy....versus....how many choose to dissolve marriages because they want something easier?

Not making the right choice may come down to the old metaphor of some bad marriages being compared to unevenly yoked oxen or horses. When one is unevenly yoked, it does not mean the marriage is doomed to failure, but it does mean both need to work twice as hard for the marriage to be successful. When one is thinking of marriage, is it a case of opposites attract, or is it a case of being unevenly yoked. It's important to recognize which before choosing to marry.

My take is that society (divorce laws) made a mistake when creating an easy way out of a marriage. How many, today, approach marriage with the thought, "Well if it doesn't work out there is always divorce." Before my husband and I agreed on marriage, we promised that divorce was off the table, that we were capable of finding a better solution to any problem.

Each couple should ask this question: Am I marrying because I want an easier life? If that answer is yes, they need to think again. Marrying brings one face-to-face with greater challenges as each is now also seeking/working for the good of another. The question should be: Am I ready for this challenge? Perhaps with stricter divorce laws, the answer to that question might be given greater thought.

Divorce should be made easier, quicker, and cheaper. Either that or the marrisge rate needs tto drop precipitously. Either way is positive.

 

[Foxfyre]

The Contagion of Divorce

Exploring the dangers of divorce and the importance of marital commitment in Christian teachings.

townhall.com

I link an essay on marriage and divorce, taking the traditional, "conservative" viewpoint - one which is noteworthy for its irrelevancy more than its historicity in our current era. I think it's worth reading, whether you agree with it or not.

I have often heard it said about financial investment that "You make money when you buy an asset [wisely], not when you sell it." And the same concept is true about marriage: you have a successful marriage when you make the right "investment" (i.e., choose the right spouse), not when you try to force yourself to live with a bad choice - "because of the children," or whatever.

I don't like being congratulated for my long-term marriage. I made the right choice and although there have been peaks and valleys, our marriage was never in danger.

My son, 43, has been married and divorced twice, and according to him "all" of his high school friends have been divorced at least once, ironically excepting one who is married to a psychological basket case. True or not, I think the problem is (a) not making the right choice (of spouse) in the first place, and (b) unwillingness to do the things that keep a marriage together.

But what do I know?

Parenthetically, I wonder about these sources that quote percentage of marriage success. One cannot know whether any marriage is successful until it ends in either divorce or death. You can only determine definitively the ones that have failed TO DATE.

Longer than that for Hombre and me. Married once. And still going. There is a lot to be said about making the right choice, but it's okay to accept congratulations for that.

You mentioned peaks and valleys. I think it so important to impress on those contemplating marriage that it won't be all smooth sailing. I used to start my public speeches with a very short personal bio so my audience would better know where I was coming from. And I would always tell them that I am happily married. . .most of the time. The fact is that there will be times you don't feel loved and/or loving. There are times it just plain isn't happy.

But for committed couples those times pass fairly quickly and you remember again why you were right for each other and life without each other is not an option.

But you do need to marry your intended lifelong partner and not necessarily just the one who initially made your heart go pitter pat.

 

[Meriweather]

Divorce should be made easier, quicker, and cheaper. Either that or the marrisge rate needs tto drop precipitously. Either way is positive.

Let's remove the government from marriage. No license, no dissolution--people move in together, one goes away. No alimony, no child support, no tax breaks, no mention of it on censuses. If government is going to involve itself in marriage, then it needs to involve itself in keeping those marriages together. They are in it all the way--or they have nothing at all to do with it.

 

[SweetSue92]

The Contagion of Divorce

Exploring the dangers of divorce and the importance of marital commitment in Christian teachings.

townhall.com

I link an essay on marriage and divorce, taking the traditional, "conservative" viewpoint - one which is noteworthy for its irrelevancy more than its historicity in our current era. I think it's worth reading, whether you agree with it or not.

I have often heard it said about financial investment that "You make money when you buy an asset [wisely], not when you sell it." And the same concept is true about marriage: you have a successful marriage when you make the right "investment" (i.e., choose the right spouse), not when you try to force yourself to live with a bad choice - "because of the children," or whatever.

I don't like being congratulated for my long-term marriage. I made the right choice and although there have been peaks and valleys, our marriage was never in danger.

My son, 43, has been married and divorced twice, and according to him "all" of his high school friends have been divorced at least once, ironically excepting one who is married to a psychological basket case. True or not, I think the problem is (a) not making the right choice (of spouse) in the first place, and (b) unwillingness to do the things that keep a marriage together.

But what do I know?

Parenthetically, I wonder about these sources that quote percentage of marriage success. One cannot know whether any marriage is successful until it ends in either divorce or death. You can only determine definitively the ones that have failed TO DATE.

I'm confused as to why you don't want to be congratulated on a long marriage. That is commendable. I mean, what is a birthday? Just means you managed to stay biologically alive for another year; not really much of an accomplishment most of the time. Being MARRIED though: that takes sacrifice, love, patience, commitment, etc

 

[DGS49]

Imagine making a promise. Just that. You tell someone that you will do something in the future. How "binding" is that? If you change your mind, or circumstances make keeping that promise more difficult, will you still do it - because you PROMISED? You should.

Now think about the "promise" of marriage. You make a promise (of lifetime fidelity) to the person you like best in the world. You do it in a public forum, in front of a public or religious official. You pick your best friend to witness and affirm it. In front of all your friends and relatives.

Compare the promise mentioned in the first paragraph with the one in the second paragraph. The first one is morally and ethically "binding." The second is binding to a much high level.

And no matter what you call it, you have committed a seriously bad act if you break that promise in any way.

 

[ding]

Imagine making a promise. Just that. You tell someone that you will do something in the future. How "binding" is that? If you change your mind, or circumstances make keeping that promise more difficult, will you still do it - because you PROMISED? You should.

Now think about the "promise" of marriage. You make a promise (of lifetime fidelity) to the person you like best in the world. You do it in a public forum, in front of a public or religious official. You pick your best friend to witness and affirm it. In front of all your friends and relatives.

Compare the promise mentioned in the first paragraph with the one in the second paragraph. The first one is morally and ethically "binding." The second is binding to a much high level.

And no matter what you call it, you have committed a seriously bad act if you break that promise in any way.

Free will is a *****.

 

[80zephyr]

Let's remove the government from marriage. No license, no dissolution--people move in together, one goes away. No alimony, no child support, no tax breaks, no mention of it on censuses. If government is going to involve itself in marriage, then it needs to involve itself in keeping those marriages together. They are in it all the way--or they have nothing at all to do with it.

Wow. If every divorce would be amicable, even then it wouldn't work.

 

[Meriweather]

Wow. If every divorce would be amicable, even then it wouldn't work.

That's my point. Any which way you look at it, divorce is not working anyway, with the conclusion marriage isn't working. Is it better for society for each person to do whatever they want, or should marriage for life mean something?

 

[80zephyr]

That's my point. Any which way you look at it, divorce is not working anyway, with the conclusion marriage isn't working. Is it better for society for each person to do whatever they want, or should marriage for life mean something?

There has to be a mechanism for a split. Does a wife that takes care of the kids in order for the husband to provide get nothing? And, what about the kids?

 

[initforme]

That's my point. Any which way you look at it, divorce is not working anyway, with the conclusion marriage isn't working. Is it better for society for each person to do whatever they want, or should marriage for life mean something?

Thats a really difficult question. Overall i strongly believe as people are becoming more independent and young people see alot of messy divorces and say no thanks marriage rates will continue to plummet.

 

[Meriweather]

There has to be a mechanism for a split. Does a wife that takes care of the kids in order for the husband to provide get nothing? And, what about the kids?

Up to the couple. Each figures it out for themselves. No referees.

 

[80zephyr]

Up to the couple. Each figures it out for themselves. No referees.

Your idealism does not work on real world problems.

 

[Meriweather]

Your idealism does not work on real world problems.

Remove idealism from the picture. Remove government from the picture. Before a woman marries, what are the legal assurances she is going to want from the man if he decides to walk out? What is the man going to want? Before marrying, they each sign the legal agreement. They decide beforehand if wages will be garnished, how the property will be divided, and child support/visitation. Either can still walk out any time he/she decides--but they know beforehand how much it's going to hurt both themselves and the other.