Liberal Hysteria - Hyper-Hyper

[Said1]

I jacked this from elsewhere, too good not to post here!

LIBERAL HYSTERIA
By: William Kaliher

Note to Readers: Kaliher did not play Goobal the Magnificent in Star Wars.

Dear liberals, most conservatives and libertarians just pass you off as wasted protoplasm taking up valuable space. From the empirical studies I’ve conducted I can’t really argue against that proposition. There’s no doubt sand spurs, mosquitoes and fleas-- circus trained or feral--add more to life, the environment and human enjoyment than do leftists.

However, I’ve spotted two leftist characteristics that amaze me. I’m not going to argue the possibility they’re evolutionary traits that won’t be left behind. They’ll be dropped as experiments in natural selection that didn’t work out. I term them the "hyper-effect" and "insect communication."

The hyper effect is peculiar to liberals. "Hyper" can be easily inserted in front of many words to refer to someone suffering acute liberalism, or any of the socialist afflictions from Communism to Nazism. What’s most amazing is, when a leftist is being discussed, hyper can be added to many words beginning with hyper and not seem silly. A few are:

Hyperacidity: This is the condition all liberals find themselves in when they try to discuss an issue. The more confused they become, the more the gastric acid levels increase. This condition can be found in more normal people, but liberals are the only group suffering from it based on embarrassment from losing yet another argument. When the leftist’s eyes roll back, he becomes ashen and hollers "You homophobe," even though you’ve only been discussing the possibility of having the National Teacher’s Association develop a concern for students, you know your liberal is transitioning from Hyperacidity to Hyper-Hyperacidity.

Hyperactive: This word works perfectly for all liberals concerning any issue. However, they can be brought to the hyper-hyperactive level with the mere mention of any absurdity from global warming to plastic failing to biodegrade. Think of the most useless issue possible. Then to see this effect call your favorite liberal and say, "Lloyd, I just read a safari of rich Republicans are trooping through the jungles of Mozambique and trampling the nesting sites of the highly endangered and little known African grizzly bear."

Hyperbole: An example of this is liberals talking about Christians and the Founders. You mention those subjects in conjunction and the lib has hyperbole in maximum overdrive so quickly were Mario Andretti around he’d be taking notes. I’ve never seen one of them smart enough to know their Founders’ arguments are juxtaposed. Sometimes, to them, the Founders are ancient men whose ideas are out of fashion and don’t apply to today’s world. Now drop Christian into the discussion and it’s another story. Suddenly every Founder was a dedicated deist striving to build a nation separate from religion. Get them going and soon you’ll hear claims only three Founders had seen a Bible, two had heard of God and another who’d heard the name Jesus mentioned during a layover in Puerto Rico. At this point you’ve brought your lib to the level of hyper-hyperbole.
Hyperbolic: This is when you’ve brought your liberal to hyper-hyperbole and then point out an actual quote by a Founder. Now that’s hyper-hyperbolic.

Hypercharge: Mention something like the Rodney King incident and you’ve got a hypercharged liberal on your hands. He’ll swear every cop there, including the black officers, were Klan members in good standing. Try not to laugh but then mention you’d heard a slave was abused by a white guy in 1832 or a pioneer shot a Redman from ambush in 1872. The redness comes, especially if the lib’s had a sip of wine, perhaps a bit of sniffling. The lib shakes with rage, bawls a bit at the thought of the outrage and the fact he, the caring one, wasn’t there to do something about it at the time. Yes, indeedy, hyper-hypercharged.

Hypercorrection: Refer to numbers 3 and 4. Keep giving references of fact concerning various Founders’ remarks on Christianity, a fellow named Jesus, the Constitution and Bill of Rights. It’s funnier than watching a Watuzi, who had his drinks spiked with Exlax, dance. You’ve got hyper-hypercorrection as the liberal tries to hold what passes for a mind from exploding.

Hypercritic or Hypercritical: Get a lib to talk about Karl Rove to see hypercritical. Mention one of Karl Rove’s successes and you’ll see hyper-hypercritical.

Hyperesthesia: All liberals have this condition. The missing ozone causes the sun to endanger their skin. The ocean is either too salty or not salty enough for their skin; every good food from eggs to beef is a threat to their skin. After eating a bran muffin with a liberal, mention it tasted extra good as the baker used pig fat for grease. Great God almighty, you’ll have a case of hyer-hyeresthesia on your hands.

Hyperextend: Most people think of this word applying to arm or leg joints. However with liberals it most often fits with that mass of grey matter known in the thinking population as a brain. The liberal must hyperextend his pretext at thought concerning any issue. For instance, a rational person cannot envision an ancient meeting where men got together with a plan to suppress women and passed that plan along intact for 10,000 generations. A normal human brain cannot possibly extend the stupidity far enough to accept such nonsense. However, one must move to the realm of Columbus being the most purposeful mass murderer in history to something like global warming to really see the liberal hyper-hyperextended.

Continued

 

[Annie]

I jacked this from elsewhere, too good not to post here!



Continued

Damn that was good. Sorry I repped the 'dumbfounded' one, his is great!
:rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao:

 

[Said1]

Damn that was good. Sorry I repped the 'dumbfounded' one, his is great!
:rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao:

In one post, he managed to describe virtually all my neighbours (under the age of 60).