Larry the Cable Guy

[UsaPride]

Okay, I'm bored so I'm going through my favorite 'Larry the Cable Guy' commentaries.
Thought I'd share
Here's one from 2001, but it made me laugh, LOL!

July 4, 2001 - Glory Glory
What the hell is this russia! Here's a good patriotic song for the year 2001!
Mine Eyes have seen the glory of the political corrct hoard,
they are tramplin' out our freedoms with a brain washin' sword.
They have taxed us out the ass and we can't fly dixie anymore
god dang these commie whores!
Glory Glory let me school ya!
dont let these libral commies fool ya,
they say there for the masses then they shove it up our asses,
there lies go marchin' on!
This is the new battle hym! Its the battle hym of a government that has over stepped there bounds! Remember when ya had decisions you could make in your life, Now ya cant pray to jesus, ya can't drive without a seat belt, talk on a cell phone, tell pollock jokes, whistle at woman, smoke, build on yer property with out permission, spank yer kids, go to titty clubs, fly rebel flags, wear redneck t-shirts, disagree with alternative life styles, eat meat, hunt, show people a turd in a cup at a weddin' (well, I don't think that was ever really legal) See how far we come, and its called social progress. Its called "kiss my ass"! So when ya's stickin' firecrackers up frogs butts wed. night. Remember, don't take what we have for granted in this country, 'cause at this pace it aint gonna be around much longer! Like the pope said lightin' firecrackers, "gimme that frog!"

 

[UsaPride]

I get such a kick out of this redneck, LOL!!!

November 1, 2004 - Go Vote!

What the hell is this russia? When ya go to vote remember this. Wear underware 'cause the lines are long and your testicles start to rash up and you'll end up walkin' to the booth like ya gotta take a poop so big you'd need a breathin' coach! Ok listen up. Remember theirs people tryin' to kill us. We didn't do 'nothin' to provoke this.! We was just sittin' here watchin' reruns of the Simpsons when them peckerheads flew planes over hear and killed people. If you think just goin' into Afghanistan was gonna end it your nuttier than John Kerrys wife. This is gonna go on for a long time. The reason they ain' t here now blowin' up a grade school is because our brave soldiers are keepin' them sum bitches on the run over there. The reason were safe on our way to the mall or the titty club or church is because our soldiers got these assholes runnin' around like sand crabs with there heads cut off! . We cant give them a chance to organize and head this way. If you don't think they wanna get over in our back yard than you got the brains of the guy that thought up the TV show My Big Fat Obnoxious Boss! Some people just don't realize that there will always be a group of people that want to kill us. Look in the history books. It'll never end. There will always be a time when we have to defend our way of life. This is never easy and it sucks. I don't like it. Believe me I would love more than anything to wake up one day and see dogs lyin' with cats, and Lions Lyin' with sheep and Strippers Lyin' with strippers with me in the middle. But it'll never happen and every now and then we gotta defend ourselves. Thats why we have a military. Them folks aint there to serve coffee at white house tea parties! There around to kill scumbags. And if the Media would let 'em do there jobs and keep there commie asses away from 'em they could do it alot easier. War more than sucks but its a fact of life. If you think John Kerry would be better at protectin' ya then by all means vote for him and his plan he never tells us about. If ya think Bush would be better than vote for him I don't give a rats ass i'm one dude. Im an American and I'll still love it regardless the outcome. One thing Im not gonna do is throw hatred toward my friends that don't vote the way I do. (well maybe this one cocky lib prick that thinks he's better than everybody else, but my other friends I love) But for Gods sake be smart. Remember our economy will never survive if we have to live in fear. Alot of good a nice portfolio, a new house and a bitchin' car'll do ya if ya gotta worry about dyin' up at the burger King. And don't think it cant happen. (ex:911) So go vote and if my boy loses, so be it. The sun will still set, the moon will still rise, Michael Moore will always be a conceited asshole and I will still have democratic friends. (except for that cocky lib prick I told ya about earlier that thinks he's better than everyone else) I guess the point I'm trin' to make is lets all no matter the outcome try and get along because were still all Americans in the end. Ill probably get hate mail because of this commentary but ya know what! Kiss my redneck republican ass! Your the kinda people Im talkin' about. Direct your anger toward terrorists that want to kill ya not me. Im not the one flyin' planes into buildings. Im not one promisin' to blow up schools, and I damn sure aint one of these and tofu fartin' fairy tree huggers that are naive enuff to think we have to wait to get attacked before we do anything to defend ourselves and even then say if we just treat them nice and whisper we love 'em in there ears there not gonna not hate us anymore! Happy Voting. Me and my democratic buddy Randy are gonna go to Hooters. Democrat or Republican we can both agree on titties! Im Larry the cable guy, and I approved this Message!

 

[UsaPride]

November 1, 2004 - Polls!
What the hell is this russia? Ok enough of the Polls. Who the hell are these sum-bitches pollin'? I aint been polled. First I cant get laid now I cant get polled. Im goin' nuts here. Who is this Zogby Asshole. I always hear "a recent Zogby poll says that..blah blah blah..! I aint talked to Zogby for ....Ever! Who the F### is Zogby. The only person that ever polled me was some fat chick at the mall doin' a survey on a new vanilla custard over at the Sweet Tooth! Polls are horse crap. Ya get all different answers depending on how they word the poll. There aint no scientific poll. They say the best way is the exit polls. Hell that aint scientific. Every time me and my friends leave a polling place and they ask us who we voted for for we tell 'em somethin' different for a laff. If they depended on that as scientific research than Harry Balls and Go F### yourself would'a come in second and third! Hell I did a poll last week and I called 100 people by phone to see who they would vote for. I thought that was scientific. My results.... 4 people said Bush, one person said Kerry, and 95 people said "you dumbass its 3 o'clock in the morning!" So much for polls. Look, polls are about as worthless as viagra at a lesbian convention! If I ever see that Zogby Jackass Ill kick his ass. He leaves me outa everything! Like I told the girl at the sweet tooth after she asked me about the new Vanilla Custard, "very tasty".

Okay, I'm done, LOL!!

 

[fuzzykitten99]

Git 'er done....

 

[UsaPride]

Git 'er done....

Finally, somebody else who likes Larry, LOL!!

He's funny right there, I don't care who you are!! LOL!!

 

[fuzzykitten99]

Finally, somebody else who likes Larry, LOL!!

He's funny right there, I don't care who you are!! LOL!!

a lot of people are using that quote but don't know where it is actually from (which is sad because they are just going with a 'cool' thing at the moment-makes them look stupid)...i have been saying it ever since i SAW the Blue Collar Comedy Tour live a few years ago, because I like Bill Engvall and Jeff Foxworthy, though I had heard of the other 2. After that, I bought both of Ron White's and Larry's CD's---after that i sat on a bean-bag chair, naked...eating cheetos...

 

[UsaPride]

i have been saying it ever since i SAW the Blue Collar Comedy Tour live a few years ago, because I like Bill Engvall and Jeff Foxworthy, though I had heard of the other 2. After that, I bought both of Ron White's and Larry's CD's---after that i sat on a bean-bag chair, naked...eating cheetos...

LMAO!!!
You seen the tour live?? That had to be awesome!!
I only knew of Jeff and Bill. We watched Larry and Ron on Comedy Central and I about died laughing! I'm sorry, but they are so much funnier than Jeff and Bill!! I think, anyway, LOL!
My little brother can do Tator Salad's bar story and sound just like him, LOL!!
I found Larry's website and he has tons of commentary on there. Funny as hell!! I couldn't believe how politcal he is.

 

[UsaPride]

January 27, 2004 - Illegal vs. Legal

What the hell is this Russia? Some kid started a conservative club and said every illegal Muhammad and Paco and some other foreign name I can't think of right now ought a be deported. God Bless America. Why is that wrong? Hell, I've been saying that since I was knee high to a butthole. #1. They are Illegal, that means against the law. Ya aint gotta be head floor mopper up at the shack and whack to figure out illegal means against the law. Is every PC sumbitch in this country a frigging asswipe? God bless legal immigrants that come here LEGALLY. We aint talking about them. As a matter of fact, if it wasn¹t for them the Braves woulda sucked last year as half the infield was riding donkeys 3 years earlier. #2. As far as calling 'em names. That's there frigging names. I aint never seen one sumbitch from the middle east named Raymond, And I aint never seen a Mexican named Dewayne. Beings how the majority of immigrants is Spanish or Middle East I believe the names Muhammad and Paco is in order! God forbid somebody say something true in this country. These frickin libs aint gonna be happy untill the pledge of allegiance is changed to include the words yo tango el whatever and they sure as hell aint gonna be happy unless we all bow down to Allah and sacrifice live chickens! Aint nothing wrong with being an immigrant. Hell, my family was tough German immigrants. They come over on the Hindenberg. But at least they did it legal. Let¹s get this straight, "Illegal" means AGAINST THE LAW, "Legal" means COME ON IN AND HAVE A BEER! Like a political corrector said, "I can't believe there's people that still wanna speak English in America, this has to stop!"

 

[UsaPride]

February 11, 2004 - Bush Lied

What the hell is this Russia? These libs are about as clueless as a fast food clerk getting 20 dollars and 31 cents for and order that came to 12 dollars and 19 cents. I can't believe people still believe one word they say. They are about as hard to understand as a hairlip singing Mississippi queen at a karaoke! First they say the president lied about weapons of mass destruction. Let me clear this up for all you libs that got yer head so far up yer ass you'll poop facial features. The info the president got about wmd's was the SAME info boner Clinton got when he bombed them sandy asses which ya'll retards agreed with. They got 25 to 30 libs on tape when Bill was rubbing one out in the White House 5 years ago saying more needed to be done. Then when Bush goes in to take out the trash, the very libs that are on tape saying Hussein needs to be stopped say Bush lied cause they didn't find nothing! What a bunch politics! It aint Bushes fault, he was going on the same damn info everybody else was going by! Bush Lied huh? Just 4 to 5 years earlier everyone of these lib sumbitches is on tape saying they have wmds! And to top it all off, the guy that¹s been in charge all along of the investigation was a Clinton appointee! Ya know what, who cares! If I aint mistaking these sumbitches killed 3000 of us in 12 minutes. I don't care if they find nothing but buckets of snakes and flutes! Flatten them sumbitches. There trying' to kill us for God Sake! What do these bastards want us to do take em to chuckee cheese? I don't understand why people buy into these lying sacks of commie BS! Ya aint gotta be head finger diddler up at the vagina factory to figure this out! Like John Kerry said after he heard a speech where he said Hussein had wmds, "I was drinking!"

 

[UsaPride]

March 4, 2004 - Enough Of The Whinning

What the hell is this Russia?! I'm so fricken sick of these back ass libs harping on weapons of mass destruction and saying we shouldn't to went in there! Ya know 10 years down the line if we wouldn't of done this and they had all kinds weapons and nuclear bombs and terrorist living in our neighborhoods these would be the first a-holes to stand up and go, "Why wasn't something done sooner? We shoulda stopped this guy when we had the chance!" And don't say they wouldn't. These peckerheads cry like little babies every time Bush does anything. He could wipe with the wrong hand and that'd be the first thing they'd harp on. They'd be like "well so what if the economy's turning around and people finally respect our military, the jackass wipes with his right hand. Ya cant wipe with your right hand if your gonna be a good president! What an outrage! Think I'm kidding! It's like when they bitched about him not going to the National Guard. Then how do ya explain that he knows how to fly a got (got not god. I don't need the Lord coming down on me) damn fighter jet! He didn't learn that from Sally fricken Struthers! It also chaps my buns of steel every time they talk about "when Bush first took office over 2 million jobs were lost. Ya think 9/11 may have played a part in that? People were to scared to leave their house for fear some raghead would ram em with a manure truck let alone go shopping and pour money into the economy! Go get laid ya Lib bastards and maybe the letting out of all that backed up seaman may unclog your brain cells! Like Ted Kennedy said to his wife, "Can you believe Bush wipes with the wrong hand?"

 

[fuzzykitten99]

LMAO!!!
You seen the tour live?? That had to be awesome!!
I only knew of Jeff and Bill. We watched Larry and Ron on Comedy Central and I about died laughing! I'm sorry, but they are so much funnier than Jeff and Bill!! I think, anyway, LOL!
My little brother can do Tator Salad's bar story and sound just like him, LOL!!
I found Larry's website and he has tons of commentary on there. Funny as hell!! I couldn't believe how politcal he is.

my hubby called our son Tater Tot for a while, and it took a while for people to catch on, because they hadn't seen/heard the CD.

I saw the show when I was AZ a few years ago.

 

[UsaPride]

my hubby called our son Tater Tot for a while, and it took a while for people to catch on, because they hadn't seen/heard the CD.

:rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: