Lord Long Rod
Diamond Member
- Jan 17, 2023
- 7,706
- 8,122
- 2,138
- Banned
- #1
Grampa Joe and the General Lee
You know, I once had this car, a hotrod really, not like, you know, now…see, I got this cool Corvette I keep up in Delaware in my garage. Let me tell you about it …Hell of a car. It’s a fast son of a gun! It’s dangerous too, if you drive it too fast. No joke!!! It will kill you. So, uh, let me just tell you, I know a thing or two about fast cars.
I had this one fast car…we used to call it, the General Lees, after a great general from the North back during WWII. We even painted his battle flag on the roof of the car. Me and my brother, Bo, used to drive around, out in the country, driving folks out there crazy. We would jump things in it, like lawnmowers and ditches, and pretty girls.
Well, one time, Bo and I got into a little disagreement with the town boss, so he sent his sheriff, Sheriff Roscoe P. Coltrane, I will never forget it. He came after us in his squad car, siren blaring, so me and Bo thought we better get the hell out of there. So we hopped in the General Lee and took off, like a bat out of gel.
Later that evening we met up with our sister, Daisy, at the bar in the Holiday Inn down by Interstate 75. She was as cute as could be. And she smelled fantastic! And I got a secret to tell you…..<whisper> She smelled great ALL OVER!
Well at had to get down to Cape Canaveral in Kentucky in time for me to catch the rocket ship that was headed up to the moon. That’s right, I have been to the moon! I went up there with fellow astronauts, Paul, Ringo, and John … Fogarty. We all trained together for months on end. No joke!! We had to take off in a hurry because there were these little green aliens on the moon andnd they w er edd going to dsjmkdaodfjop;aj……
So Bo drove me down to Alaska in the General Lee so I could catch my rocket shit Later on Bo was killed in the Vietnam war fighting Nazis. It always brings a tear to my eye when I think about that. No joke. It is maybe the saddest thing to ever happen to me and my family. It is even worse than when that inferno broke out in my kitchen back in 1906 in, uh, the place. But I digress.
So when we finally got a hold of old Boss Hogg that day, I took out an old bicycle chain Bo and I kept in the General Lee for whipping negros, and I held it up for Boss Hogg to see. I said, “See this here chain? I will beat you to an inch of your rotten life if you don’t apologize to me, right now.” And he did it too. He also gave me a key to the city. The called it, uhh.. Pretty Coat Gumprin… Pettycoat Junction? Something like that.
You know, I once had this car, a hotrod really, not like, you know, now…see, I got this cool Corvette I keep up in Delaware in my garage. Let me tell you about it …Hell of a car. It’s a fast son of a gun! It’s dangerous too, if you drive it too fast. No joke!!! It will kill you. So, uh, let me just tell you, I know a thing or two about fast cars.
I had this one fast car…we used to call it, the General Lees, after a great general from the North back during WWII. We even painted his battle flag on the roof of the car. Me and my brother, Bo, used to drive around, out in the country, driving folks out there crazy. We would jump things in it, like lawnmowers and ditches, and pretty girls.
Well, one time, Bo and I got into a little disagreement with the town boss, so he sent his sheriff, Sheriff Roscoe P. Coltrane, I will never forget it. He came after us in his squad car, siren blaring, so me and Bo thought we better get the hell out of there. So we hopped in the General Lee and took off, like a bat out of gel.
Later that evening we met up with our sister, Daisy, at the bar in the Holiday Inn down by Interstate 75. She was as cute as could be. And she smelled fantastic! And I got a secret to tell you…..<whisper> She smelled great ALL OVER!
Well at had to get down to Cape Canaveral in Kentucky in time for me to catch the rocket ship that was headed up to the moon. That’s right, I have been to the moon! I went up there with fellow astronauts, Paul, Ringo, and John … Fogarty. We all trained together for months on end. No joke!! We had to take off in a hurry because there were these little green aliens on the moon andnd they w er edd going to dsjmkdaodfjop;aj……
So Bo drove me down to Alaska in the General Lee so I could catch my rocket shit Later on Bo was killed in the Vietnam war fighting Nazis. It always brings a tear to my eye when I think about that. No joke. It is maybe the saddest thing to ever happen to me and my family. It is even worse than when that inferno broke out in my kitchen back in 1906 in, uh, the place. But I digress.
So when we finally got a hold of old Boss Hogg that day, I took out an old bicycle chain Bo and I kept in the General Lee for whipping negros, and I held it up for Boss Hogg to see. I said, “See this here chain? I will beat you to an inch of your rotten life if you don’t apologize to me, right now.” And he did it too. He also gave me a key to the city. The called it, uhh.. Pretty Coat Gumprin… Pettycoat Junction? Something like that.
