Is It A War Crime? Ask The Babylon Bee

[Doc7505]

Is It A War Crime? Ask The Babylon Bee​

Is It A War Crime? Ask The Babylon Bee

With accusations flying of war crimes on the high seas, you may find yourself asking: what really constitutes a war crime? Let us help unpack this complex issue and break down what does and doesn't make someone a war criminal:

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With accusations flying of war crimes on the high seas, you may find yourself asking: what really constitutes a war crime? Let us help unpack this complex issue and break down what does and doesn't make someone a war criminal:

• A soldier using more than one bullet: WAR CRIME. Shooting a gun a second time is why the Geneva Convention had to happen
• 'Wonderful Christmastime' by Paul McCartney: WAR CRIME. Straight to gulag.
• Bioengineering a virus in a Chinese lab that kills millions and shuts down the entire world: Nah, it's cool.
• Microwaving fish in the office break room: WAR CRIME. Call in Franklin!
• Assassinating political leaders you disagree with: Not a crime. Brave and stunning.
• Paragliding into a festival and kidnapping, murdering women and children: Nope. A peaceful act of resistance.
• Having great jeans: WAR CRIME.
• Killing 6 million Jews: Not a war crime. Just boys being boys.
• Converting the East Wing of the White House into a ballroom: WAR CRIME. We demand blood!
• Putting pineapple on pizza: War crime, peace crime, spiritual crime, everything crime.
• Hitting Patrick Mahomes on his way out of bounds: WAR CRIME, death penalty.
• Air dropping food to help the civilians of the country that invaded yours: WAR CRIME. People having to walk several yards to retrieve a food crate is dehumanizing.
• Snapping half of all organic life out of existence: Not a war crime. It's called going green. Educate yourself.
• Killing an enemy combatant, then putting a Santa hat on him and writing "NOW I HAVE A MACHINE GUN HO-HO-HO" on his sweater in his blood: Totally awesome but, yes, technically a war crime.

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We hope these key examples give you a good grasp of the war crime concept. Think we missed any important examples? Let us know in the comments below.


Commentary:
I think the Bee has covered everything.
Fully expect the extra-terrestrial aliens to show up any day now to blow us to smithereens for letting that one out into the galaxy.

 

[1srelluc]

As long as I'm paying for it FU.

• Putting pineapple on pizza: War crime, peace crime, spiritual crime, everything crime.

 

[sparky]

good lord......i'm a criminal!..... ~S~

 

[martybegan]

As long as I'm paying for it FU.

• Putting pineapple on pizza: War crime, peace crime, spiritual crime, everything crime.

Every Italian grandmother spins in their grave when you do that.

Also when you use jarred sauce.

 

[Lockback]

I love the Bee.
They make me laugh every, single day.

 

[Zebra]

As long as I'm paying for it FU.

• Putting pineapple on pizza: War crime, peace crime, spiritual crime, everything crime.

like cutting spaghetti with a knife

 

[Zebra]

As long as I'm paying for it FU.

• Putting pineapple on pizza: War crime, peace crime, spiritual crime, everything crime.

or like having a cappuccino after 12 noon