Instructions for Using Drive Through ATM Machine

[Adam's Apple]

A sign in the bank lobby reads:

"Please note that this bank is installing new drive-through teller machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles.

Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their accounts. After months of careful research, MALE & FEMALE procedures have been developed. Please follow the appropriate steps for your gender."

MALE PROCEDURE

1. Drive up to the cash machine.
2. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
3. Enter amount of cash desired and withdraw.
4. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.
5. Drive away.

FEMALE PROCEDURE

1. Drive up to cash machine.
2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine.
3. Put car into "Park" setting, Set parking brake, put the window down.
4. Find handbag, dump all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.
5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up.
6. Attempt to insert card into machine.
7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car. Unfasten seat belt.
8. Insert card.
9. Re-insert card the right way. Try again. Okay, other side. Okay, upside down.
10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page.
11. Accidentally choose Spanish option. Enter PIN. Attempt to go through steps by memory. Cancel transaction. Re-insert Card. Try again. Other side. Search for PIN. Enter PIN.
12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.
13. Enter amount of cash required. $35.00 is invalid amount. Re-enter amount. Still invalid. Try again.
14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.
15. Retrieve cash and receipt. Receipt blows away. Try and retrieve from under the car while still sitting on driver's seat. Move car forward. Retrieve receipt.
16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.
17. Write withdrawn amount in check register and place receipt in back of checkbook.
18. Re-check makeup. Close door shutting seat belt in the door. Open door. Retrieve seatbelt. Fasten seatbelt. Adjust clothing under seatbelt.
19. Drive forward 2 feet.
20. Reverse back to cash machine. Open door. Unfasten seatbelt.
21. Retrieve card. Close door, fasten seatbelt. Adjust clothing.
22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided.
23. Give a nice wave to irate male driver waiting behind you.
24. Restart stalled engine and pull off.
25. Redial person on cell phone.
26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.
27. Release Parking Brake.

 

[sagegirl]

:rotflmao:

A study into cars catching fire at gas stations revealed that women were much more likely to cause a fire than men. The problem being that the women would most likely reach back into the car and get cash/whatever out of their purse creating a static charge that could spark and potentially cause a fire...especially when they grabbed the gas nozzle. Not so funny.....the solution is to safely discharge the static charge to something grounded, like the pump itself.