I Don't Know If This Is A Rant, But The New Ketchup Bottles Totally Suck

[White 6]

PJ fixed me a beautiful thick succulent cheeseburger a few minutes ago and I was adding the onion, pickle, lettuce, tomato, and of course the mustard and ketchup. Everything is fine as I deck it out, as I have all my life, including the mustard, but what in the hell has happened to ketchup bottles? We use Hunts, mostly but there isn't a great deal of difference between major brands of ketchup itself. The problem is in the new bottle.
I happily dribble thin lines of mustard in a pattern over the masterpiece she had made, in thin line, somewhat circular pattern with just the right average amount exactly where and in the amount I needed. Then the ketchup! I gave a gentle squeeze. Nothing. Barely increase the pressure, still nothing and slowly keep increasing the pressure, until in a wild torrent the ketchup shot out, completely covering my burger, running down the side and into the saucer, about 1/4 inch deep in all directions! What in the world is up with Hunts I thought, as it really pissed me off??!! It is like a pressure relief valve that will not dispense until overpressure is achieved only allowing full flow or no flow. PJ said, it is what it is, handing me a paper towel to clean it off and try again. I ended up cleaning it all off onto the sauce and applying with a knife. The burger really was excellent by the way. I announced, we gotta change to Heinz.
I went to the internet the purveyor of all knowledge in the 21st century and type the search argument "Hunt's Ketchup squeeze bottle sucks". I found article relating Hunts bottle to a sphincter ( yeah, real appetizing, eh?) and a YouTube video Heinz Ketchup Squeeze Bottles Suck, that illustrate the problem.

OK I am not the only one to notice and it is not just Hunts. That vid works but this one is more to the point. I love this guy.


What is with these damn ketchup people?

 

[JGalt]

Those bottles do suck.

 

[Ringel05]

PJ fixed me a beautiful thick succulent cheeseburger a few minutes ago and I was adding the onion, pickle, lettuce, tomato, and of course the mustard and ketchup. Everything is fine as I deck it out, as I have all my life, including the mustard, but what in the hell has happened to ketchup bottles? We use Hunts, mostly but there isn't a great deal of difference between major brands of ketchup itself. The problem is in the new bottle.
I happily dribble thin lines of mustard in a pattern over the masterpiece she had made, in thin line, somewhat circular pattern with just the right average amount exactly where and in the amount I needed. Then the ketchup! I gave a gentle squeeze. Nothing. Barely increase the pressure, still nothing and slowly keep increasing the pressure, until in a wild torrent the ketchup shot out, completely covering my burger, running down the side and into the saucer, about 1/4 inch deep in all directions! What in the world is up with Hunts I thought, as it really pissed me off??!! It is like a pressure relief valve that will not dispense until overpressure is achieved only allowing full flow or no flow. PJ said, it is what it is, handing me a paper towel to clean it off and try again. I ended up cleaning it all off onto the sauce and applying with a knife. The burger really was excellent by the way. I announced, we gotta change to Heinz.
I went to the internet the purveyor of all knowledge in the 21st century and type the search argument "Hunt's Ketchup squeeze bottle sucks". I found article relating Hunts bottle to a sphincter ( yeah, real appetizing, eh?) and a YouTube video Heinz Ketchup Squeeze Bottles Suck, that illustrate the problem.

OK I am not the only one to notice and it is not just Hunts. That vid works but this one is more to the point. I love this guy.


What is with these damn ketchup people?

Uuummmmmmm, did you remove the safety seal under the cap first? I've been using those bottles for years now without any issues whatsoever.

 

[lg325]

PJ fixed me a beautiful thick succulent cheeseburger a few minutes ago and I was adding the onion, pickle, lettuce, tomato, and of course the mustard and ketchup. Everything is fine as I deck it out, as I have all my life, including the mustard, but what in the hell has happened to ketchup bottles? We use Hunts, mostly but there isn't a great deal of difference between major brands of ketchup itself. The problem is in the new bottle.
I happily dribble thin lines of mustard in a pattern over the masterpiece she had made, in thin line, somewhat circular pattern with just the right average amount exactly where and in the amount I needed. Then the ketchup! I gave a gentle squeeze. Nothing. Barely increase the pressure, still nothing and slowly keep increasing the pressure, until in a wild torrent the ketchup shot out, completely covering my burger, running down the side and into the saucer, about 1/4 inch deep in all directions! What in the world is up with Hunts I thought, as it really pissed me off??!! It is like a pressure relief valve that will not dispense until overpressure is achieved only allowing full flow or no flow. PJ said, it is what it is, handing me a paper towel to clean it off and try again. I ended up cleaning it all off onto the sauce and applying with a knife. The burger really was excellent by the way. I announced, we gotta change to Heinz.
I went to the internet the purveyor of all knowledge in the 21st century and type the search argument "Hunt's Ketchup squeeze bottle sucks". I found article relating Hunts bottle to a sphincter ( yeah, real appetizing, eh?) and a YouTube video Heinz Ketchup Squeeze Bottles Suck, that illustrate the problem.

OK I am not the only one to notice and it is not just Hunts. That vid works but this one is more to the point. I love this guy.


What is with these damn ketchup people?

Not sure what their thinking was. I do agree they do suck. I keep the bottle right side up. Shake it a lot first seems to help.

 

[mamooth]

The guy in the second video didn't understand that you store it in the refrigerator upside-down after you start using it. That's why the lid is big and flat. That way, no shaking or smacking is necessary.

 

[JGalt]

Uuummmmmmm, did you remove the safety seal under the cap first? I've been using those bottles for years now without any issues whatsoever.

Well thank you. I have a bottle of Walmart brand ketchup that has the same safety seal in the cap. Popped it right out with a fork.

 

[Ringel05]

Well thank you. I have a bottle of Walmart brand ketchup that has the same safety seal in the cap. Popped it right out with a fork.

I think they all do now.

 

[White 6]

PJ fixed me a beautiful thick succulent cheeseburger a few minutes ago and I was adding the onion, pickle, lettuce, tomato, and of course the mustard and ketchup. Everything is fine as I deck it out, as I have all my life, including the mustard, but what in the hell has happened to ketchup bottles? We use Hunts, mostly but there isn't a great deal of difference between major brands of ketchup itself. The problem is in the new bottle.
I happily dribble thin lines of mustard in a pattern over the masterpiece she had made, in thin line, somewhat circular pattern with just the right average amount exactly where and in the amount I needed. Then the ketchup! I gave a gentle squeeze. Nothing. Barely increase the pressure, still nothing and slowly keep increasing the pressure, until in a wild torrent the ketchup shot out, completely covering my burger, running down the side and into the saucer, about 1/4 inch deep in all directions! What in the world is up with Hunts I thought, as it really pissed me off??!! It is like a pressure relief valve that will not dispense until overpressure is achieved only allowing full flow or no flow. PJ said, it is what it is, handing me a paper towel to clean it off and try again. I ended up cleaning it all off onto the sauce and applying with a knife. The burger really was excellent by the way. I announced, we gotta change to Heinz.
I went to the internet the purveyor of all knowledge in the 21st century and type the search argument "Hunt's Ketchup squeeze bottle sucks". I found article relating Hunts bottle to a sphincter ( yeah, real appetizing, eh?) and a YouTube video Heinz Ketchup Squeeze Bottles Suck, that illustrate the problem.

OK I am not the only one to notice and it is not just Hunts. That vid works but this one is more to the point. I love this guy.


What is with these damn ketchup people?

This is what's really important. It is day to day real life in the modern world, where the ketchup meets the meat, so to speak, not Joe or that AOC chick railing against the right wing wackos or Sidney Powel against fascist Dems.
I asked PJ, where's the ice pick, planning to use it to punch through and widen the aperture of the bottle and was told we do not currently have one, as they are not sold off the shelf anywhere we shop, anymore. Imagine, something a simple and useful as an ice pick, but she is correct. Utensils galore for almost any kitchen need, but no ice picks. I ended up using a 6-inch meat thermometer. It didn't work to correct the design flaw, by the way. There is some kind of physics at work here, I do not understand.

 

[L.K.Eder]

ah. American cuisine. ketchup bread.

 

[White 6]

ah. American cuisine. ketchup bread.

In Europe they's screw up your food with mayonnaise instead, even slathering it all over your pom fritz, if you don't watch it and look at you like you're the ugly American.

 

[JGalt]

This is what's really important. It is day to day real life in the modern world, where the ketchup meets the meat, so to speak, not Joe or that AOC chick railing against the right wing wackos or Sidney Powel against fascist Dems.
I asked PJ, where's the ice pick, planning to use it to punch through and widen the aperture of the bottle and was told we do not currently have one, as they are not sold off the shelf anywhere we shop, anymore. Imagine, something a simple and useful as an ice pick, but she is correct. Utensils galore for almost any kitchen need, but no ice picks. I ended up using a 6-inch meat thermometer. It didn't work to correct the design flaw, by the way. There is some kind of physics at work here, I do not understand.

The aperture in the cap is made out of rubber. You might tyry holding a nail in pair of pliers over a flame until it get red hot. Or just pry it out, that worked for me.

 

[deannalw]

Those bottles do suck.

Eh. Beats bruised hands from smacking the shit out of the bottom of a glass bottle for 17 fuckin hours.

 

[deannalw]

I think they all do now.

That tylenol killer really screwed it up for everyone. I hate that plastic on the outside of lids. I can't get a fingernail under the damn things and using a sharp knife caused James to stroke out when he walked in and saw me poised to poke my eyeball out.

I'm a little clumsy.

That's a lie, I'm a lot clumsy.

 

[Otis Mayfield]

I've never had a problem with a ketchup bottle.

shrug.

 

[deannalw]

This is what's really important. It is day to day real life in the modern world, where the ketchup meets the meat, so to speak, not Joe or that AOC chick railing against the right wing wackos or Sidney Powel against fascist Dems.
I asked PJ, where's the ice pick, planning to use it to punch through and widen the aperture of the bottle and was told we do not currently have one, as they are not sold off the shelf anywhere we shop, anymore. Imagine, something a simple and useful as an ice pick, but she is correct. Utensils galore for almost any kitchen need, but no ice picks. I ended up using a 6-inch meat thermometer. It didn't work to correct the design flaw, by the way. There is some kind of physics at work here, I do not understand.

Instead of a kitchen drawer, get your toolbox and get an awl...

Or raise the bag high above your head and slam it to the floor like ya mean it.

 

[L.K.Eder]

I've never had a problem with a ketchup bottle.

shrug.

me neither. only with the ketchup.

Ketchup Is Not Just a Condiment: It Is Also a Non-Newtonian Fluid

Everybody’s favorite red sauce may be thin or thick, depending on how it is handled

www.scientificamerican.com

 

[JohnDB]

But it was focus group tested and cheaper than the other bottles...

Besides Arnold's wife needs a new diamond necklace. So everyone has to just suffer.

 

[Natural Citizen]

Americans put ketchup on everything.

 

[White 6]

Americans put ketchup on everything.

I even put it on white beans, making me very unusual down here.

 

[Vastator]

Americans put ketchup on everything.

This American hates Catsup.