I Confess....

[WillPower]

Yesterday I became a toilet paper HOARDER!

. That's right....I gave in to my darkest impulses instead of continuing to ask strangers for change for a five. Wandering into Wally World for some wet-dry sandpaper, I noticed other shoppers had TP in their carts. Since that department is in the other end of the store, I double-timed it over to that section and lo and behold, the shelves were being stocked and disappearing at the same time. I got my mitts on the last pack of Charmin "Super Mega Roll" and covered it up like I was trying to bust into the end zone for a game winning TD. Not a man alive could have pulled it or slapped it away...it was MINE dang nab it! Six YUGE rolls of bliss. But then things turned ugly.

My next stop was Frys and for the hell of it, I walked over their TP section. BONANZA! There was more TP...not like my Charmin but a Kroger version of a mega-roll. I grabbed one and officially became a hoarder. I now had 12 new rolls of butt-wiping majesty. Only the day before had I denounced the hoarders while I swiped TP from work. Enter a stall, and wrap the roll around my hand until I had enough for a two day stand er..... seat.....again and again. Don't be fooled by my confession...I have no guilt, no nagging thoughts of being a hypocrite...no...I did my time having to resort to thievery over one of the simplest, yet necessary products of all time. Was I in Venezuela? NO! So yeah, I now own 15 rolls of TP (I'd stashed 3 rolls in case of a total breakdown of society). It's enough for a couple months unless I get the green-apple quick step. So there...now the world knows what I've done.

 

[aaronleland]

Today I went out to buy toilet paper, but there was only one package left on the shelves. I saw some old lady walking towards it, so I shoved that old bitch to the ground, and snatched it as fast as I could. Maybe after her broken hip heals she'll learn not to be so greedy.

 

[WillPower]

Today I went out to buy toilet paper, but there was only one package left on the shelves. I saw some old lady walking towards it, so I shoved that old bitch to the ground, and snatched it as fast as I could. Maybe after her broken hip heals she'll learn not to be so greedy.

Sometimes in dire circumstances we do what we must....of course KARMA will get you one day for your violence against the elderly....me? nah.

 

[HereWeGoAgain]

I haven't hoarded anything during the chink virus. Well I did pick up three cases of vodka and two cases of Kahlua .....in the half gallon size.

 

[WillPower]

Walked into the bathroom this morning and still can't believe my eyes.....So can I spare a square? not a chance Sundance....I'm in official HOARD-MODE until further notice...in fact I may slip into Wally World later this morning for another package of the good stuff...heh.

 

[EvilCat Breath]

I haven't hoarded anything during the chink virus. Well I did pick up three cases of vodka and two cases of Kahlua .....in the half gallon size.

What no Bailey's? You almost had a mudslide.

 

[mdk]

Then panic buying of TP continues, but it’s also moved on to eggs, flour, and, bread flour. Homemade pretzels this weekend while we brew beer.

 

[WillPower]

Then panic buying of TP continues, but it’s also moved on to eggs, flour, and, bread flour. Homemade pretzels this weekend while we brew beer.

I was in Wally World last week and they were OUT of bread and milk....stunning. All they'd say is "we have trucks coming in between 8am and 8pm...as if we were supposed to camp out there and form a line. I'd rather steal TP than beg for it. Next on my agenda is canned goods for a couple months of stash...I can do without milk and eggs but MEAT? no way....total carnivore.

 

[HereWeGoAgain]

I haven't hoarded anything during the chink virus. Well I did pick up three cases of vodka and two cases of Kahlua .....in the half gallon size.

What no Bailey's? You almost had a mudslide.

Colorado Bulldogs.

 

[Unkotare]

Then panic buying of TP continues, but it’s also moved on to eggs, flour, and, bread flour. Homemade pretzels this weekend while we brew beer.

I was in Wally World last week and they were OUT of bread and milk....stunning. All they'd say is "we have trucks coming in between 8am and 8pm...as if we were supposed to camp out there and form a line. I'd rather steal TP than beg for it. Next on my agenda is canned goods for a couple months of stash...I can do without milk and eggs but MEAT? no way....total carnivore.

You should have gone during the old people hours. They might have had more inventory.

 

[B. Kidd]

Then panic buying of TP continues, but it’s also moved on to eggs, flour, and, bread flour. Homemade pretzels this weekend while we brew beer.

I was in Wally World last week and they were OUT of bread and milk....stunning. All they'd say is "we have trucks coming in between 8am and 8pm...as if we were supposed to camp out there and form a line. I'd rather steal TP than beg for it. Next on my agenda is canned goods for a couple months of stash...I can do without milk and eggs but MEAT? no way....total carnivore.

You should have gone during the old people hours. They might have had more inventory.

Stores are not enforcing old people hours. Plenty of younger cocksuckers bogartin' those times.

 

[Unkotare]

Then panic buying of TP continues, but it’s also moved on to eggs, flour, and, bread flour. Homemade pretzels this weekend while we brew beer.

I was in Wally World last week and they were OUT of bread and milk....stunning. All they'd say is "we have trucks coming in between 8am and 8pm...as if we were supposed to camp out there and form a line. I'd rather steal TP than beg for it. Next on my agenda is canned goods for a couple months of stash...I can do without milk and eggs but MEAT? no way....total carnivore.

You should have gone during the old people hours. They might have had more inventory.

Stores are not enforcing old people hours. Plenty of younger cocksuckers bogartin' those times.

And they won’t stay off the lawn!