Lord Long Rod
Diamond Member
- Jan 17, 2023
- 7,706
- 8,122
- 2,138
- Banned
- #1
I knew Hunter Biden since college. I was his wing man. We would go to frat parties, Hunter would pick out a sweet little honey, I would create a distraction, then Hunter would slip a roofie into her drink. After we had our fill, we would then rent out her cooch for a hundred bucks a pop. We made good money doing that; more than enough to have a steady supply of nose candy and liquor.
From time to time we would get into trouble. But it was ok. All it took was Hunter making a phone call to his dad, the Senator, and the problem went away … for good. I am talking literally went away. The accuser would just disappear. With no complainant there was no case, know what I mean? I never asked what happened. I just kept my mouth shut.
After college Hunter went to law school. He didn’t have the grades to get in; his dad just made it happen. I was unsure of exactly what I wanted to do. So I began manufacturing meth. It was a good gig. I made lots and lots of money, all tax free. Then the worst thing imaginable happened. I got busted. But I had an ace in the hole. I called my old college buddy, Hunter.
By this time Hunter was working at a law firm. He wasn’t a real lawyer. That is, he never set foot in a courtroom and he never tried a case. He did not know how. But it did not matter. He did not need to. He was a fucking Biden! He did things the fucking “Biden way!”
I paid Hunter’s firm a shit ton of my meth money, and I got out of the trafficking and manufacture charges by entering a nolo plea for having an illegally parked vehicle. I did not even have to pay a fine. Instead, I did something called “diversion”. I don’t know what the hell that is, but I know it saved me 35 bucks!!
A little bit after that I got a call from Hunter. He asked me what I know about the energy industry. I told him the truth: I knew absolutely nothing about it. He told me that he did not know shit about it either. However, he was just put on the Board of Directors for some energy company in Ukraine.
I asked him how in hell that happened if he knew nothing about the energy industry. He said, “Shit, dude! It ain’t real. It’s just a sweetheart gig! They want me for my name and my connections in the American government.” Hmmm, I thought. Influence peddling. I like it!! Hunter said he needed a right hand man he could trust for the gig and offered me the job. I accepted immediately. I was to meet Hunter in two days at the Hotel Swastika in Kiev.
When Hunter opened the door to his hotel room he was standing there bare-assed naked with a heaving shanker standing at attention between his legs. Hunter was talking a million miles and hour and kept tending to an ongoing nosebleed. Clearly, he was coked out of his brain.
Also in the room were 2 nude Russian whores, several empty bottles of booze, and whole stack of crack rocks on a nightstand. Excitedly, Hunter said, “Hey, buddy, I was just about to bone these bitches! Have a drink and check it out.”
I did not know what to do. I was very uncomfortable, but I felt obliged to watch since Hunter was offering me this fantastic opportunity to make millions of dollars for doing absolutely nothing. So I poured myself some Scotch, sat down on the sofa, and watched Hunter fuck. He sang Neal Diamond songs as he pumped away and gave high-fives to, I guess, imaginary people.
I little while later there erupted a disagreement between Hunter and one of the Russian chicks. I had to pull Hunter off the chick when started choking her out. The woman ran from the room, naked, threatening to tell her Russian mob pimp that Hunter had ripped her off. Hunter ran after her, naked, with his .38 revolver in his hand. I heard 3 shots from the gun in hotel hallway. I don’t know what happened to the girl.
Back in the room after the show down, Hunter saw me. He was so excited to see me, saying “Hey buddy!! Good to see you! Thanks for coming!! We are going to make a fucking fortune off these Cossack cocksuckers!!”. He had completely forgotten that I arrived 2 hours prior and that he welcomed me then. He was coked out of his mind.
Hunter picked up his pipe and smoked crack. He then turned to the remaining Russian lady and said, “I’m horny, baby. Let’s fuck!!” In a long, throaty reply, she said “Of course, darling.” I was worrying about the Russian mob, and that they may be on the way here. As if Hunter could read my mind, he turned to me, looked me square in the eyes and said, “Don’t worry about those Russian bastards, buddy! What are they going to do? Seriously?? I am a fucking BIDEN!!! Ha ha ha ha!!”
I then had to watch Hunter fuck again. But this time it was freaking weird. The Russian chick strapped on an enormous black dong and took Hunter from behind. It was completely depraved. As she fucked Hunter, he had a lit cigarette dangling from his lips and was playing with his loaded revolver in his right hand, pointing it at things in the room and saying “BANG!! BANG!!”
At some point I fell asleep. At approximately 7:00 am, a very upset Hunter woke me up. Again, he had forgotten that he met me earlier, saying “Hey buddy!! Great to see you!!! I am glad you could make it. We are going to make a KILLING on this Burisma deal!! But first, I need you to give me a hand with this body.”
The Russian chick was dead. I asked no questions. She was absolutely butchered. Hunter said he was trying to cut her up in order to run her through the garbage disposal in the suite’s kitchenette. However, all he had was a plastic knife from an earlier take out meal.
I helped Hunter conceal the body and clean up the mess. Later, the Russian mob showed up and they were pissed. Hunter and I escaped in his Porsche after we jumped out the second floor window. Hunter was still naked and sporting a cocaine hard-on.
We sped off into the Ukrainian countryside at high speed. Hunter was driving recklessly, and having a hard time staying on the road. I asked Hunter if maybe I could drive. He replied, “I FUCKING LOVE TO DRIVE!!! HA HA!!!”
Our drive came to an abrupt end when Hunter t-boned a cow in the middle of a farmer’s field, totaling the car. The irate farmer met us at the crash with a pitch fork in his hand. Eventually, the entire Farmer’s family surrounded us.
Hunter tried to purchase the farmer’s 2 teenage daughters. At this point the farmer looked ready to murder Hunter. But he was not deterred. He yelled at the farmer, “DO YOU KNOW WHO THE FUCK I AM?!? MY NAME IS BIDEN, AND I GET WHAT I WANT!!!”
Suddenly, Hunter had his gun in his hand again. He was still naked (and still sporting a cocaine hard-on). I have no idea where he was hiding the pistol. But I had no time to dwell on this mystery because Hunter started firing. At this point I had enough. No amount of money is worth my life. As chaos ensued, I turned and ran for my life into the forest.
Eventually, I made it back to Kiev and to the American embassy. Because Hunter had obtained for me a false identity and a phony passport, the embassy helped me out (notwithstanding the fact that Hunter created an identity for me with the name “Lou Skunt”. I guess he thought it would be funny). They put me on a military plane headed back to the United States.
I never spoke to Hunter again after this. Obviously, I have seen and heard of him in the media. But I have not actually spoken to him. He had left me some voicemails looking for cocaine, but I did not return the calls.
From time to time we would get into trouble. But it was ok. All it took was Hunter making a phone call to his dad, the Senator, and the problem went away … for good. I am talking literally went away. The accuser would just disappear. With no complainant there was no case, know what I mean? I never asked what happened. I just kept my mouth shut.
After college Hunter went to law school. He didn’t have the grades to get in; his dad just made it happen. I was unsure of exactly what I wanted to do. So I began manufacturing meth. It was a good gig. I made lots and lots of money, all tax free. Then the worst thing imaginable happened. I got busted. But I had an ace in the hole. I called my old college buddy, Hunter.
By this time Hunter was working at a law firm. He wasn’t a real lawyer. That is, he never set foot in a courtroom and he never tried a case. He did not know how. But it did not matter. He did not need to. He was a fucking Biden! He did things the fucking “Biden way!”
I paid Hunter’s firm a shit ton of my meth money, and I got out of the trafficking and manufacture charges by entering a nolo plea for having an illegally parked vehicle. I did not even have to pay a fine. Instead, I did something called “diversion”. I don’t know what the hell that is, but I know it saved me 35 bucks!!
A little bit after that I got a call from Hunter. He asked me what I know about the energy industry. I told him the truth: I knew absolutely nothing about it. He told me that he did not know shit about it either. However, he was just put on the Board of Directors for some energy company in Ukraine.
I asked him how in hell that happened if he knew nothing about the energy industry. He said, “Shit, dude! It ain’t real. It’s just a sweetheart gig! They want me for my name and my connections in the American government.” Hmmm, I thought. Influence peddling. I like it!! Hunter said he needed a right hand man he could trust for the gig and offered me the job. I accepted immediately. I was to meet Hunter in two days at the Hotel Swastika in Kiev.
When Hunter opened the door to his hotel room he was standing there bare-assed naked with a heaving shanker standing at attention between his legs. Hunter was talking a million miles and hour and kept tending to an ongoing nosebleed. Clearly, he was coked out of his brain.
Also in the room were 2 nude Russian whores, several empty bottles of booze, and whole stack of crack rocks on a nightstand. Excitedly, Hunter said, “Hey, buddy, I was just about to bone these bitches! Have a drink and check it out.”
I did not know what to do. I was very uncomfortable, but I felt obliged to watch since Hunter was offering me this fantastic opportunity to make millions of dollars for doing absolutely nothing. So I poured myself some Scotch, sat down on the sofa, and watched Hunter fuck. He sang Neal Diamond songs as he pumped away and gave high-fives to, I guess, imaginary people.
I little while later there erupted a disagreement between Hunter and one of the Russian chicks. I had to pull Hunter off the chick when started choking her out. The woman ran from the room, naked, threatening to tell her Russian mob pimp that Hunter had ripped her off. Hunter ran after her, naked, with his .38 revolver in his hand. I heard 3 shots from the gun in hotel hallway. I don’t know what happened to the girl.
Back in the room after the show down, Hunter saw me. He was so excited to see me, saying “Hey buddy!! Good to see you! Thanks for coming!! We are going to make a fucking fortune off these Cossack cocksuckers!!”. He had completely forgotten that I arrived 2 hours prior and that he welcomed me then. He was coked out of his mind.
Hunter picked up his pipe and smoked crack. He then turned to the remaining Russian lady and said, “I’m horny, baby. Let’s fuck!!” In a long, throaty reply, she said “Of course, darling.” I was worrying about the Russian mob, and that they may be on the way here. As if Hunter could read my mind, he turned to me, looked me square in the eyes and said, “Don’t worry about those Russian bastards, buddy! What are they going to do? Seriously?? I am a fucking BIDEN!!! Ha ha ha ha!!”
I then had to watch Hunter fuck again. But this time it was freaking weird. The Russian chick strapped on an enormous black dong and took Hunter from behind. It was completely depraved. As she fucked Hunter, he had a lit cigarette dangling from his lips and was playing with his loaded revolver in his right hand, pointing it at things in the room and saying “BANG!! BANG!!”
At some point I fell asleep. At approximately 7:00 am, a very upset Hunter woke me up. Again, he had forgotten that he met me earlier, saying “Hey buddy!! Great to see you!!! I am glad you could make it. We are going to make a KILLING on this Burisma deal!! But first, I need you to give me a hand with this body.”
The Russian chick was dead. I asked no questions. She was absolutely butchered. Hunter said he was trying to cut her up in order to run her through the garbage disposal in the suite’s kitchenette. However, all he had was a plastic knife from an earlier take out meal.
I helped Hunter conceal the body and clean up the mess. Later, the Russian mob showed up and they were pissed. Hunter and I escaped in his Porsche after we jumped out the second floor window. Hunter was still naked and sporting a cocaine hard-on.
We sped off into the Ukrainian countryside at high speed. Hunter was driving recklessly, and having a hard time staying on the road. I asked Hunter if maybe I could drive. He replied, “I FUCKING LOVE TO DRIVE!!! HA HA!!!”
Our drive came to an abrupt end when Hunter t-boned a cow in the middle of a farmer’s field, totaling the car. The irate farmer met us at the crash with a pitch fork in his hand. Eventually, the entire Farmer’s family surrounded us.
Hunter tried to purchase the farmer’s 2 teenage daughters. At this point the farmer looked ready to murder Hunter. But he was not deterred. He yelled at the farmer, “DO YOU KNOW WHO THE FUCK I AM?!? MY NAME IS BIDEN, AND I GET WHAT I WANT!!!”
Suddenly, Hunter had his gun in his hand again. He was still naked (and still sporting a cocaine hard-on). I have no idea where he was hiding the pistol. But I had no time to dwell on this mystery because Hunter started firing. At this point I had enough. No amount of money is worth my life. As chaos ensued, I turned and ran for my life into the forest.
Eventually, I made it back to Kiev and to the American embassy. Because Hunter had obtained for me a false identity and a phony passport, the embassy helped me out (notwithstanding the fact that Hunter created an identity for me with the name “Lou Skunt”. I guess he thought it would be funny). They put me on a military plane headed back to the United States.
I never spoke to Hunter again after this. Obviously, I have seen and heard of him in the media. But I have not actually spoken to him. He had left me some voicemails looking for cocaine, but I did not return the calls.
