Merlin1047
Senior Member
Not only appropriate at Christmas, but this eating strategy should be considered for ALL holidays year-round.
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Tips for Holiday Eating
1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet
table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots,
leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.
2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. Like fine single-malt
scotch, it's rare. In fact, it's even rarer than single-malt scotch. You
can't find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares
that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn
into an eggnog-aholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me.
Have two. It's later than you think. It's Christmas!
3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of
gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your
mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.
4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or
whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports
car with an automatic transmission.
5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control
your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other
people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello?
6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New
Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the
time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table
while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.
7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like
frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near
them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center
of attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them
behind, you're never going to see them again.
8. Same for pies. Apple. Pumpkin. Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or,
if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have
three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?
9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the
mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some
standards.
10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party
or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention. Reread all
tips; start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner.
Remember this motto to live by:
"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the
intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well
preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in
one hand, martini in the other, body thoroughly used up,
totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO what a ride!"
================================================
Tips for Holiday Eating
1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet
table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots,
leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.
2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. Like fine single-malt
scotch, it's rare. In fact, it's even rarer than single-malt scotch. You
can't find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares
that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn
into an eggnog-aholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me.
Have two. It's later than you think. It's Christmas!
3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of
gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your
mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.
4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or
whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports
car with an automatic transmission.
5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control
your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other
people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello?
6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New
Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the
time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table
while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.
7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like
frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near
them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center
of attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them
behind, you're never going to see them again.
8. Same for pies. Apple. Pumpkin. Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or,
if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have
three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?
9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the
mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some
standards.
10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party
or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention. Reread all
tips; start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner.
Remember this motto to live by:
"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the
intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well
preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in
one hand, martini in the other, body thoroughly used up,
totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO what a ride!"
