Zone1 Funerals, who are they really for?

[turbofish]

My officially step father died last week [might have been the week before - I wasn't paying attention]. OK, he was never really a step father to me. My mom married my dad's best friend 8 years after my father died which was many decades ago. Sure, I have known him since I was 5 since he lived behind us all those years ago and he was always always in the picture growing up. Family vacation were taken with his family, memories made but crap, that decades ago. My daughter, 26 years old, my niece 27 years never knew my dad, but were somewhat familiar with him. They each saw him maybe once every other year.
Father died around 35 years ago, mother died last year. Bob has had rather quickly formed alzheimer's about a year ago.

Thinking about skipping the funeral as I see no cost to benefit ratio in my favor. I have closure having being able to talk to him at my mothers death bed 8 months ago. I was kept out of decisions concerning either one due to weird power of attorney that was handed to the youngest siblings on both sides [I'm the eldest, my old friend and weirdly step brother were both kept out of all decision while our younger sisters took over the show]

As I can see it, funerals are only for closure [no problem with me] or to see family and friends, both of which I really don't see myself sacrificing a whole day of work to drive 600 mile round trip [officially not that big of a sacrifice - I like to drive] to go see someone that I already have closure and I have no desire to see any of the younger siblings. I just can't see a reason to go. No benefit to me, I don't give a crap about the people who it would give benefit too, January is always a super tight month for both my wife and I.
Why do people go to funerals?
Just got word from my daughter - It just isn't worth it. Tend to agree with her.

 

[White 6]

My officially step father died last week [might have been the week before - I wasn't paying attention]. OK, he was never really a step father to me. My mom married my dad's best friend 8 years after my father died which was many decades ago. Sure, I have known him since I was 5 since he lived behind us all those years ago and he was always always in the picture growing up. Family vacation were taken with his family, memories made but crap, that decades ago. My daughter, 26 years old, my niece 27 years never knew my dad, but were somewhat familiar with him. They each saw him maybe once every other year.
Father died around 35 years ago, mother died last year. Bob has had rather quickly formed alzheimer's about a year ago.

Thinking about skipping the funeral as I see no cost to benefit ratio in my favor. I have closure having being able to talk to him at my mothers death bed 8 months ago. I was kept out of decisions concerning either one due to weird power of attorney that was handed to the youngest siblings on both sides [I'm the eldest, my old friend and weirdly step brother were both kept out of all decision while our younger sisters took over the show]

As I can see it, funerals are only for closure [no problem with me] or to see family and friends, both of which I really don't see myself sacrificing a whole day of work to drive 600 mile round trip [officially not that big of a sacrifice - I like to drive] to go see someone that I already have closure and I have no desire to see any of the younger siblings. I just can't see a reason to go. No benefit to me, I don't give a crap about the people who it would give benefit too, January is always a super tight month for both my wife and I.
Why do people go to funerals?
Just got word from my daughter - It just isn't worth it. Tend to agree with her.

It is definitely for the living. I will be late for mine. Bill Cosby did a bit about funerals, back in the day.

 

[Man of Ethics]

RIP.

Funerals are for the deceased. The vast majority of people understand that Soul survives physical death.

 

[Esdraelon]

If you have no need for closure or to pay respects to his family, just skip it.

 

[EvilCat Breath]

Funerals are for the living. Either to mourn or give some support to those who are suffering. They are to say goodbye. If none of this applies to you, don't go.

 

[frigidweirdo]

My officially step father died last week [might have been the week before - I wasn't paying attention]. OK, he was never really a step father to me. My mom married my dad's best friend 8 years after my father died which was many decades ago. Sure, I have known him since I was 5 since he lived behind us all those years ago and he was always always in the picture growing up. Family vacation were taken with his family, memories made but crap, that decades ago. My daughter, 26 years old, my niece 27 years never knew my dad, but were somewhat familiar with him. They each saw him maybe once every other year.
Father died around 35 years ago, mother died last year. Bob has had rather quickly formed alzheimer's about a year ago.

Thinking about skipping the funeral as I see no cost to benefit ratio in my favor. I have closure having being able to talk to him at my mothers death bed 8 months ago. I was kept out of decisions concerning either one due to weird power of attorney that was handed to the youngest siblings on both sides [I'm the eldest, my old friend and weirdly step brother were both kept out of all decision while our younger sisters took over the show]

As I can see it, funerals are only for closure [no problem with me] or to see family and friends, both of which I really don't see myself sacrificing a whole day of work to drive 600 mile round trip [officially not that big of a sacrifice - I like to drive] to go see someone that I already have closure and I have no desire to see any of the younger siblings. I just can't see a reason to go. No benefit to me, I don't give a crap about the people who it would give benefit too, January is always a super tight month for both my wife and I.
Why do people go to funerals?
Just got word from my daughter - It just isn't worth it. Tend to agree with her.

Certainly funerals are not for the dead, because they have no idea. They're for the living. Some people feel obliged to go, some people go because they know those who are suffering will feel good about more people being there, others want funerals to deal with their grief.

 

[The Irish Ram]

It doesn't sound like you'll be missed, so why bother?

 

[DudleySmith]

I've outlived all of my friends, got to go to a lot of funerals. they don't bother me, and it helps their relatives to know there are people who cared that they lived. I know all their children and their grandchildren, and they drop by fairly often, which is nice, since I always need cheap labor plus I grow a lot of stuff and have plenty to give away.

 

[occupied]

Funerals are a great way to inject religious terror into a group of emotionally vulnerable people. I wanted to beat the fire and brimstone asshole who preached my grandmother's funeral. She was a wonderful funny woman but instead we got to hear about death and hell.

 

[strollingbones]

next month...will be the third anniversary of my mom's death...she outlived most of her friends and family...just family and a couple of friends at funeral....

they are for the living...

 

[Mac1958]

Funerals have always been about the living, obviously.

Closure, community, respect, obligation -- People have them, or go to them, for any of those reasons. The deceased sure as hell doesn't care.

 

[1srelluc]

We have our burial/plots/headstone all pre-paid.

The wife had 10 plots in a grave yard in another county she had inherited so we sold them to pay for our planting.

Funeral home gets body.

Has grave opened.

Plants body.

Covers it up.

Has dead date carved on headstone.

Rinse and repeat for the survivor.

Done and done.

I much preferred cremation but the wife was not having any of it. It would have saved us near 4K.

 

[Auld Phart]

I'm not having one.

Cremation, then short ride to a ship for internment at sea.

 

[Unkotare]

 

[TNHarley]

I'm not having one.

Cremation, then short ride to a ship for internment at sea.

Thats what I want. Except, I want to be planted with a tree.

 

[hjmick]

All I know is that I told my kids do not commemorate my life with a fucking sticker on the back window their cars or I'll come back and haunt their asses...

 

[Unkotare]

All I know is that I told my kids do not commemorate my life with a fucking sticker on the back window their cars or I'll come back and haunt their asses...

Gross. Why not just haunt a house?

 

[hjmick]

Gross. Why not just haunt a house?

Damn you...