Blue Jesus: I want you to listen to me. I did not have sexual relations with that woman, Miss Magdalene...
Red Jesus: I have a wide stance!
Blue Jesus: We have to pass the Law so we can find out what's in it.
Red Jesus: I will not heal you, blind man, until you show me some ID.
Blue Jesus: I have a pen and a direct phone line to my Father, and I am not afraid to use them.
Red Jesus: Muslims suck, and I'm pretty sure Doubting Thomas is a fag!
Blue Jesus: I invented cocaine as a way of telling you that you make too much money.
Red Jesus: Look at these hands! Look at these feet! I know more than anyone what torture is, and waterboarding is not torture.
Blue Jesus wears a WWBD (What Would Biden Do?) bracelet.
Red Jesus: And a Canaanite woman from that region came out and began to cry out, saying, "Have mercy on me, Lord, Son of David; my daughter is cruelly demon-possessed." But He did not answer her a word. And His disciples came and implored Him, saying, "Send her away, because she keeps shouting at us." But He answered and said, "I was sent only to the lost sheep of the house of Israel."
Moral of the story: Red Jesus would support building a wall to keep out aliens so they don't suck up holy resources.
Blue Jesus: And Jesus entered the temple and drove out all who sold and bought in the temple, and he overturned the tables of the money-changers and the seats of those who sold pigeons. And the blind and the lame came to him in the temple, and he healed them.
Moral of the story: Blue Jesus hates profit, and believes health care should be free.