What is, and is not, state-controlled is totally up to we, the people.
But, when they dangle a shiny set of car keys in front of us called "same-sex" marriage, we enjoy that we are being given a choice. But, we fail to realize, the choice is just a distraction from the bigger question, which is, "Why is this a legislative issue in the first place".
The question that should be on our collective minds is, "Yes or no to state-controlled marriage?".
To answer “yes or no to state controlled marriage” one must first answer certain other questions such as “ what exactly is marriage”?
The most basis answer to that question is that is some sort of formal bonding or otherwise defined arraignment between two or more people. If that is to be accepted as a fact, then the next question is, can that arrangement exist in a vacuum, or must it be recognized, defined and sanctioned by an entity outside of the marriage? And if one accepts the idea that it must be sanctioned and recognized by a third party, the question then becomes “who or what should that be”?
At various points in time, and across cultures that answer has varied widely from immediate or extended family, the community at large, religious institutions and, most recently the state ( or some combination of the church and the state) which itself can take many forms.
Regardless of form, it is an indisputable fact, that in all cases, marriage has historically been controlled and defined by adult males and tended to exploit and control women and children and in some cases sexual minorities. I will add that in all cases, there has been the potential for and reality of abuse and exploitation of the less powerful- and that includes our own system of regulating marriage- in which at one time women could not own property independent of her husband, and where child marriage is still rampant. The difference between a government controlled system of marriage as opposed to other forms of control is that, while in a system such as ours, there is the potential for such abuses , when the government is not involved, abuse and exploitation is a foregone conclusion. In a government based system ( if not authoritarian ) there is a legal framework, and a commitment to the rules of law, allowing-at minimum- a chance to redress grievances
That brings me to the issue of same sex marriage and the question of why it is a legislative issue- which is actually an excellent question. The fact is that it did not need to be a legislative issue, or a judicial issue, and it had not been, until reactionary conservatives starting passing laws to prohibit same sex marriage after gays starting trying to get married.
Before then, while it was generally understood that marriage was a man and a woman, laws did not specifically prohibit it. But given the confluences of the forces of religious superstition, anachronistic cultural values and sexual norms, as well has the sheer lust for power of straight men and their desire to control the narrative and fight change, we were subjected to decades of legal wrangling over what should have been a non issue. It was not the progressives and the civil rights advocates that caused all of that. It was the histrionics of those on the right and it’s still going on. The words” gay marriage” and same sex marriage” need never have been uttered leave alone made into a political and legal football had we, as a society, been more rational and humanistic about it. It could have just been marriage. It was marriage then and its’s marriage now. Yes, it is that simple That is not a distraction. It is the issue and legislation ( and litigation) is the remedy- a remedy that would not be available without government involvement.
In conclusion, unless one believes that 1) that equal protection under the law and equality is not important, or 2) that equal protection and equality can be achieved without a formal framework of laws that provide – at minimum- a modicum of justice for the disadvantaged. A third possibility is that those who question the involvement of government are just opposed to gay marriage but do not care to admit it, The prefer to avoid the issue by asserting that government should be out of the marriage business all together- sort of a “throw the baby out with the bath water” mentality.
Any more questions?