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FBI Baffled Terrorist Attack Occurred As They Imprisoned All Jan 6 Attendees
U.S.·Jan 3, 2025 · BabylonBee.com
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U.S. — As the investigations continued into the deadly events of the new year, FBI agents were reportedly baffled that terrorist attacks could even occur as they had already imprisoned all of the January 6 attendees.
Despite hunting down and incarcerating everyone who was present at the U.S. Capitol on January 6, 2021, terrorist incidents still somehow happened in multiple cities, leaving federal investigators shocked and dismayed.
"We're at a loss as to how this could still be possible," said FBI spokesperson Special Agent Curt Schampers. "We totally thought we had eradicated all extremism and potential threats of domestic terrorism when we locked up all those grandmas and patriotic citizens over the last few years. You should have seen the looks on everyone's faces when they told us there was a terrorist attack in New Orleans. It doesn't make sense."
Though little is known about the motives of the perpetrator of the deadly attack in New Orleans, FBI sources confirmed that agents are working tirelessly to link the incident to President-elect Donald Trump in any way they can. "We won't rest until we get to the bottom of this," Agent Schampers said. "And when I say ‘get to the bottom of this,' I mean ‘fabricate enough evidence to make it seem like a Trump supporter did this.'"
At publishing time, insiders revealed that the FBI would spend the next two weeks rounding up any Jan 6 attendees who had been released from custody so they could send them back to prison.
U.S.·Jan 3, 2025 · BabylonBee.com
Click here to view this article with reduced ads.
U.S. — As the investigations continued into the deadly events of the new year, FBI agents were reportedly baffled that terrorist attacks could even occur as they had already imprisoned all of the January 6 attendees.
Despite hunting down and incarcerating everyone who was present at the U.S. Capitol on January 6, 2021, terrorist incidents still somehow happened in multiple cities, leaving federal investigators shocked and dismayed.
"We're at a loss as to how this could still be possible," said FBI spokesperson Special Agent Curt Schampers. "We totally thought we had eradicated all extremism and potential threats of domestic terrorism when we locked up all those grandmas and patriotic citizens over the last few years. You should have seen the looks on everyone's faces when they told us there was a terrorist attack in New Orleans. It doesn't make sense."
Though little is known about the motives of the perpetrator of the deadly attack in New Orleans, FBI sources confirmed that agents are working tirelessly to link the incident to President-elect Donald Trump in any way they can. "We won't rest until we get to the bottom of this," Agent Schampers said. "And when I say ‘get to the bottom of this,' I mean ‘fabricate enough evidence to make it seem like a Trump supporter did this.'"
At publishing time, insiders revealed that the FBI would spend the next two weeks rounding up any Jan 6 attendees who had been released from custody so they could send them back to prison.
