monsterhunternation.com
Watching everybody I know on the left pontificating about the proper way to conduct audits, after getting their accounting degrees from the University of Internet this week, is absolute cringe for me.
Guys, listen, I say this with love… You don’t know dick about shit and it’s fucking embarrassing. Just stop. You sound like idiots.
So now, as a guy who used to be an auditor, who has defended companies from dozens of audits from different government agencies, I’ll try to correct some of your incredibly stupid NPC talking points you keep endlessly barfing up.
First off, you need to know there’s a difference between an outside audit and an internal audit. An outside audit is when somebody who isn’t part of your company comes in and checks your stuff. This could be one of the fifty something government agencies that audit people/businesses, or this could be an outside CPA firm making sure you are in compliance for some reason (like the company is publicly traded). I’ll talk more about what CPAs are in a minute.
Then there are internal audits, where the person in charge has his own people audit his company, looking for problems, hoping to have everything in order before those 3rd party outsiders show up to check, or searching for fraud, waste, and abuse… You know, those annoying things that tend to screw you over and put you out of business. That’s the kind of auditing I mostly did.
An internal audit is what Donald Trump (the man in charge) is doing now, by having his people (DOGE) audit the executive branch he runs. CEOs and owners do this all the time.
You do not need to be a Certified PUBLIC Accountant to be part of an internal audit team.
In fact, even most CPA firms, auditing the biggest corporations in the world, the majority of the auditors doing the grunt work are NOT CPAs. Most government auditors are not CPAs.
CPA is a particular certification required for a few particular types of accounting, and that isn’t even close to what DOGE is doing.
Also most of the auditors for those big firms are YOUNG. They are usually around 24, because those are the dudes that the big firms can work 80 hours a week and they won’t just keel over and die. They do this kind of work BEFORE taking the CPA exam if they want to go that route, and most of them don’t, because they end up going from auditing into some other form of specialty.
These young auditors make up a team which is usually supervised by an NCO type who has got 5-7 years of experience (and may or may not be a CPA depending on the industry) and they all answer to somebody higher up, who has got the 10-20 years of experience. This will of course vary on the size of the company.
You do NOT need to be an accountant to be an auditor. Anybody who says this is a total dumb ass with zero grasp of how any of this shit works in real life. The people who make up your audit team are recruited from whatever skill sets are necessary to audit that particular system. I (the accountant) have been on audit teams with IT guys, programmers, lawyers, and even machinists. (why machinists, because I was auditing a factory, and I could count the parts, but I couldn’t tell you if the parts were bullshit or not)
So if you are auditing a computer system, then your auditors would obviously require computer people. Fucking duh, morons. Holy shit. The reason most auditors come from an accounting background is because most fraud, waste, and abuse comes from fuckery on the books. But if the fuckery is taking place in the particular systems before they get to the financials, that’s where we bring in systems experts.
Next, you morons are acting like the entire organization is half a dozen 20 somethings, because that’s who got doxxed first and you fuckers are too stupid or dishonest to realize that’s not the entire team. Newsweek has compiled a list of known DOGE staff so far, and their ages are 33, 42, 28, 34, 67, 30, 33, 36, 33, 47, 25, 24, 43, 23, 25, 45, 19, 28, 21, 44, 39, 57, 45, 41, 32, 28, 22, 37, 37, 35, 24, 42, 36, and 36.
Who is helping DOGE? List of staff revealed
Do I need to graph that for you, you dishonest fucks? The wiz kids you keep histrionically shitting your pants over aren’t even the average. Oh, and shocker, they also come from a wide variety of backgrounds, like everybody with a fucking clue about auditing had already assumed because we aren’t retards.
But but but Elon is posting things on Twitter that aren’t 100% perfectly accurate according to liberal fact checkers from liberal news organizations which up until recently have been receiving large amounts of tax payer money for phony baloney reasons!
So what?
The stuff that’s been made public so far is what’s called findings. Findings aren’t the final report. That takes time. And you’ll probably never see those final reports because again, say it with me, INTERNAL. The only way you’ll ever see the complete detailed final report for any given agency is Donald Trump feels like it. Same as any CEO can drop whatever internal company info he feels like.
But DOGE is going TOO FAST! Well no shit. They are on a tight time frame. The republicans control everything right now (barely, and many of them are every bit as corrupt as the dems) only the government is fucking huge, Trump got elected on cutting it, and mid terms are in two years.
But (insert sob story here about how some good necessary wonderful saint of a government employee or super awesome wonderful government program got cut here) REEEEE!!!! Except too bad that’s total bullshit.
The time for a gentle, caring, measured (slow), careful pruning of government to only remove the bad tissue with a scalpel was generations ago. We are now at the axe and TQ time before the patient dies. Yeah, that sucks, but that’s what happens when you procrastinate going to the doctors while a cancerous tumor the size of a fucking watermelon grows out your back.
Those last two NPC wails are basically the same thing, appeals for Trump to slow down and lose momentum so the process can stall out and die like all the previous times Americans have tried to cut the great federal leviathan and shut off the endless money faucet.
The government is huge. Our debt is insane. This is not sustainable. We know it. They know it. Everybody knows it. I don’t know why everybody keeps pretending otherwise.
Sure, this government program is an obvious scam to funnel tax dollars to bureaucrats and their NGO friends, so cat ladies in Arlington can collect $700k salaries at the “charity” run out of her multimillion dollar town home, but if we cut that a single puppy will die!
I feel bad for the Hostage Puppy. I really do. But don’t blame the auditors who are finding this shit, and don’t blame the tax payers who are tired of getting butt fucked. If you were honest you’d blame the bureaucrats and grifters who got us to this place.
Will government programs you like get cut? Absolutely. Will this suck for a lot of people? Yes. Will good hard working employees get cut along with the legions of useless fucking dregs? Yup. Is this still necessary so our entire nation doesn’t collapse into utter dog shit under the weight of the all consuming federal leviathan, where to survive we huddle in the ruins eating rats cooked over piles of burning dollar bills? Also yes.
They’re called budget cuts because they hurt. If they were pleasant they would be called budget tickles.
Next, Elon now has access to our personal data! REEEEEE! Which is the stupidest fucking thing I’ve ever heard, because if Elon wanted all our personal data he could just buy it off the Communist Chinese, from one of the last seven times our incompetent and unaccountable federal government leaked all our data, for way cheaper. This is just idiotic obfuscation.
Then there’s this one where Elon dropped a finding to the tax payers that showed our Social Security data has a bunch of nonsensical garbage in it. Immediately some random dumbfuck on Twitter came up with an excuse. BUT WHAT ABOUT COBOL REEEEEEE!
Man, fuck your COBOL.
Because what happened next was hilarious and fascinating, because it didn’t matter how retarded and full of shit that COBOL excuse was, or how many hundreds of computer programmers went “that’s fucking bullshit that’s not how any of that works you idiots” the NPC lemming brigade immediately ran with it, repeating it over and over like a religious mantra. Because the validity of the excuse doesn’t matter. They just need an excuse. Any excuse will do. It’s like a holy symbol to ward off vampires, only this time they’re holding up a turd to ward off DOGE.
Back to auditing, just because the Social Security database is filled with garbage doesn’t mean that all that garbage is fraud. However, try that excuse when the government audits you. “Oh, I’m sorry my books are riddled with errors, it is no big deal, that’s just how we do things around here.” and see how that shakes out for you.
If a company’s records were full of broken bullshit, the government would assume the worst, fine the ever living fuck out of you, and possibly send you to jail. Because the government’s default assumption when a company’s books are all fucked up is that it is on purpose to hide fraud.
Except when our government’s books are filled with things like 30 million dollars to fund a Transsexual Peruvian Orchestra, and 99% of that money never made it out of northern Virginia, we’re supposed to assume that’s just nice fluffy goodness, and HOW DARE YOU assume there’s anything dishonest going on.
Oh yeah, the whole “but even if we fire Y% government employees” that’s only X% of the budget and there’s still all this other stuff.” Which is just pathetic obfuscation from people upset the endless money faucet is getting shut off, because all those millions add up and turn into billions, and all those billions add up and turn into trillions. This one was also more popular among the NPCs before they started poking at the entitlements which are the giant money holes and finding all sorts of wonky shit there too.
This guy skewers the left. "...after getting their accounting degrees from the University of Internet this week..."
Good information here. It's long past time that the government withstood the same scrutiny it applies to businesses.
There are two reasons people oppose it:
1. They're profiting from it, or
2. They were told to oppose it.
Neither group can be trusted.
