Chicago Bank (Heist!)


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Sep 22, 2013
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One last heist-vignette, referencing my favorite city, next to LA of course --- the Windy City (Chicago). Thanks so much for reading (signing off),



Chicago is such an iconic 'windy-city' where there's much diaries and great sports and food and culture. This is the home of the Chicago Bears and the folk-tales of the Untouchables, after all. It's also the location of a very respected federally-insured bank, the site of our little story here of a special diamond-heist conducted by twin-brothers!


Chicago is such an idyllic city that the skyline and night-life leave nothing to be sought. It's a terrific place to visit or reside. Chicago is the right blend of architecture and social spacing that makes it an urban environment of great traffic and theater. The theater we're looking at today is bank robbery.


The twin-brothers conducting this special diamond-heist are the Satan brothers. These twins are very eccentric and grew up together in Algeria and Romania before moving to the USA. They studied at the University of Chicago and then took part-time jobs at a prominent Italian restaurant while taking night-courses at a local branch of Johnson & Wales. The Satan brothers intend to walk into the Chicago Federal Reserve bank on a Friday afternoon, with foreign and Coronavirus-mask disguises (respectively), both claiming to be merchants seeking a toy store related private wealthy account with the bank manager!


MANAGER: It's impressive to see a merchant interest of such high asset value in our city!
SATANS: We thank you, sir.
MANAGER: You have diamonds from Antwerp, you say?
SATANS: Million-dollar diamonds, and they're not blood diamonds, sir!
MANAGER: Hahaha.
SATANS: Please take us to the safe-box vault area with diamond collection areas.
MANAGER: You want the aristocracy-sector with the diamond area in our safe-box room?
MANAGER: Very fine, very good.
SATANS: Very fine.
MANAGER: I notice you two are carrying little water-guns.
SATANS: Yes, for our toy store enterprise in Chicago --- samples for your review, sir.
MANAGER: They're very fine indeed!
SATANS: They're from Romania.
SATANS: They're filled with corrosive acid, sir.
SATANS: Make no trouble; we'll be switching the Antwerp diamonds from your safe-boxes with fakes we've brought.
MANAGER: You're thieves!
SATANS: We're exceptional thieves, sir.


The Satan brothers walked out of the Chicago Federal Reserve that Friday with $20 million in diamonds from Europe, mostly Antwerp, lifted from the safe-boxes of multiple city fat-cats who'd dabbled in diamonds from Europe ironically channelling to South Africa's nefarious warlord-driven blood diamond matrix. The Satan brothers took their 'blood diamonds' and sold them in the Chicago black market for cash to be deposited in a new private Swiss account wired through Chicago Federal Reserve online!


KINGPIN: I'm going to find and destroy these twins who've stolen my precious beloved blood diamonds from South Africa!


Kingpin the Chicago corrupt tycoon assigned his venomous CPD policewoman, undercover and bribed of course as his personal trophy-wife, to seduce and betray and destroy and have the Satan brothers killed for him. This siren of hell was Officer Starles, and she sought to undo the Satan brothers' sense of confidence. Starles tracked the twins to the Italian restaurant where they worked, but they'd left the city just one week before she got there with suspicions. She vowed to track them, thinking they'd fled to Hawaii!


SATANS: Chicago is a windy city of drama, and we've interceded on behalf of cops failing to subvert blood diamond darkness.


Are the Satans vigilante Robin Hoods? Director of the CFR security doesn't seem to think so, and he's assigned his road warriors to make driving parallels to see if the Satans dare to wander around as boastful circus performers.


Meanwhile, the CPD has another menace to worry about now, a hockey-mask wearing machete-wielding super-psycho named Jason. This maniac decapitates Chicago cops and leaves papers on their bodies with his name written in blood. This is the real hell of Chicago now, not the theatricality of the Satans. Will Chicago find the right brand of divinity to prioritize Jason now?


One of the Satans has meanwhile met a gorgeous American woman, in Hawaii, and fallen in love. She's an artist, and the brothers intend to make her part of their odd family. They've opened a tourist bar in Hawaii, and maybe this fair lady will be a waitress at the popular establishment. She knows nothing of blood diamonds...or Chicago!


GOD: Chicago needs prayers.
SATAN: Maybe they have those in the form of the Satans.
GOD: Maybe.


"Money is everything" (Ecclesiastes)


Platinum Member
Jun 13, 2014
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This little story seems ripe for a sequel. I wonder if John Travolta can be resurrected?

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