Cheating?

[DiveCon]

I agree with editec and would question why you are friends with this person.

the next question is, is she also friends with either boy #1 or boy #2?
if so, shes not being very good friends with them either

 

[sky dancer]

I agree with editec and would question why you are friends with this person.

Are all your friends identical to you? How boring.

 

[Andrew2382]

Are the guys your friend?

If not, who gives a fuck, let the girl live her life how she wants...it's a scummy thing to do but people are free to do what they want.

 

[Steerpike]

Are all your friends identical to you? How boring.

Don't read (or comprehend) well, do you?

Or are you just trolling?

 

[007]

I have a friend (really!) that is with one guy and seeing another on the side. She says it hasn't gone any farther than kissing, but to me anything you wouldn't do in front of your bf is cheating, and I know for sure kissing would be cheating to me.

So my question to all of you is what is cheating? She says as long as they don't actually have sex it's not cheating. What do you think?

You know.... if your avatar is a picture of you, you look like your nine or ten years old. If your friend is the same age, what are you tots doing making out, getting it on and playing around with relationships for anyway? Aren't you a little young for all that?

 

[Care4all]

She isn't ready to have a serious relationship with either of these guys,

but one lesson she may learn, and learn early, is "what you reap, you sow"....it all comes back ''to bite you in the butt...''

if she realizes she made a mistake and tells her first bo what she did or repents and stops all together because she knows she was wrong and truly has come to love the first boy, then things might work out for her....but from how it appears now, especially in the manner in which she is thinking, I doubt she is mature enough for a one man/one woman relationship....and she should just tell the first and the 2nd boy that she is playing the field...imo

 

[Amanda]

Thank you all, at least for the thoughtful replies. I've only known her for a few months, but I think she would help me out like a friend would so I call her a friend. All of us go to the same church, that's how we know each other.

I don't really know what the right thing to do is in this situation. I don't know if I'm being dishonest because I know something and I'm not sharing it. But I think if I shared what I knew it would only hurt people and I don't want that either. I think it's unfair in a way that she took me into her confidence with this because it makes me stuck keeping her lie a secret.

As far as why I'm friends with her... I don't have to share all the same opinions or values with someone to be their friend. I think if that's what I looked for I would be very lonely and if I found it I think I'd be very bored.

 

[Steerpike]

Thank you all, at least for the thoughtful replies. I've only known her for a few months, but I think she would help me out like a friend would so I call her a friend. All of us go to the same church, that's how we know each other.

I don't really know what the right thing to do is in this situation. I don't know if I'm being dishonest because I know something and I'm not sharing it. But I think if I shared what I knew it would only hurt people and I don't want that either. I think it's unfair in a way that she took me into her confidence with this because it makes me stuck keeping her lie a secret.

I recommend that you are honest. That typically is the way to go.

As far as why I'm friends with her... I don't have to share all the same opinions or values with someone to be their friend. I think if that's what I looked for I would be very lonely and if I found it I think I'd be very bored.

This is a serious misreading of what was said, though not as bad as Sky Dancers, which amounted to trolling most likely.

Are you seriously suggesting that every person who simply doesn't cheat on other people shares all of the same values and opinions? That idea is ludicrous on its face.

 

[Care4all]

Thank you all, at least for the thoughtful replies. I've only known her for a few months, but I think she would help me out like a friend would so I call her a friend. All of us go to the same church, that's how we know each other.

I don't really know what the right thing to do is in this situation. I don't know if I'm being dishonest because I know something and I'm not sharing it. But I think if I shared what I knew it would only hurt people and I don't want that either. I think it's unfair in a way that she took me into her confidence with this because it makes me stuck keeping her lie a secret.

As far as why I'm friends with her... I don't have to share all the same opinions or values with someone to be their friend. I think if that's what I looked for I would be very lonely and if I found it I think I'd be very bored.

She told you because deep down inside, she is uncomfortable with what she is doing....this is the time for you to be a true fellow Christian friend and tell her that you believe what she is doing is dishonest for one or sneaky in the least and that she should stop, or she should be honest and tell her first bf that she likes him a great deal and wants to continue with dating him, but she is not ready for a one on one, sole, relationship.

Believe me, this may seem scary for her to do, but if she tells the first bf and the other bf, they both will continue to pursue her even more so....more than likely.

Secrets fester inside, it's better for her to stop, or be honest.

And you need to tell her such, in the kindest manner as possible....remember, she CHOSE YOU to discuss this with....(or God chose you, for her to discuss this with), take the opportunity, to build your own strength and character, and speak the truth....tell her how you would feel if this were done to you...

And remind her of the Golden Rule....as a Christian, she should understand it, and how important it is to all of Christianity....and humanity, in and of itself.

Care

 

[Amanda]

This is a serious misreading of what was said, though not as bad as Sky Dancers, which amounted to trolling most likely.

I was responding to what several people said, not just you, that's why you don't see a quote from you followed by what I said.

Are you seriously suggesting that every person who simply doesn't cheat on other people shares all of the same values and opinions? That idea is ludicrous on its face.

It is ludicrous, and I don't know why it's the conclusion you jumped to. That seems to happen a lot on here and it's mystifying to me.

If I said I didn't like the flavor one brand of spaghetti sauce I'm sure someone would come back at me asking why do I hate all tomatoes. I really don't know how to prevent the wild assumptions that people want to make.

I said that my friends don't need to hold the exact same opinions and values as me to be friends. That's not part of the criteria I use. So you see, just because we differ on what the definition of cheating is doesn't mean I can't be her friend. That's all. It doesn't mean I don't care that she's doing it. It doesn't mean I'm not confused as to what I should do. It just means that it doesn't preclude friendship.

 

[Silence]

Thank you all, at least for the thoughtful replies. I've only known her for a few months, but I think she would help me out like a friend would so I call her a friend. All of us go to the same church, that's how we know each other.

I don't really know what the right thing to do is in this situation. I don't know if I'm being dishonest because I know something and I'm not sharing it. But I think if I shared what I knew it would only hurt people and I don't want that either. I think it's unfair in a way that she took me into her confidence with this because it makes me stuck keeping her lie a secret.

As far as why I'm friends with her... I don't have to share all the same opinions or values with someone to be their friend. I think if that's what I looked for I would be very lonely and if I found it I think I'd be very bored.

I'm always astounded when you bring up what a church going girl you are Amanda.... it reminds me why I don't go to church

I see no reason why you shouldn't be friends with this girl. I've had friends who made choices I didn't necessarily agree with (just as I made choices they didn't agree with) and we're still friends.

If she's not asking to you help in the deception, like lie for her, then one thing really has nothing to do with the other however, if you want to clear your conscience I suppose you could go to her and give her the option of being honest with these boys otherwise tell her you can't keep her secret for her if the subject comes up.

 

[Steerpike]

I said that my friends don't need to hold the exact same opinions and values as me to be friends. That's not part of the criteria I use. So you see, just because we differ on what the definition of cheating is doesn't mean I can't be her friend. That's all. It doesn't mean I don't care that she's doing it. It doesn't mean I'm not confused as to what I should do. It just means that it doesn't preclude friendship.

I think the point that was made was that being friends with dishonest people isn't generally something that one wants to do. That's a valid point to think about. Over time, I think it is best to surround oneself with honest people.

Sky Dancer leaped to the conclusion that it meant you can only be friends with "identical" people, and I took your wording to mean to same thing. Clearly, that's not what you meant, which is good.

There are honest people in all walks of life, with all different views, opinions, values, etc. and these are the best people to surround oneself with as friends. Further, when another 'friend' pulls you into their dishonest and makes you a party to it (by telling you not to say anything) they aren't treating you with the respect due from a friend.

To me, these are problems.

 

[Amanda]

I'm always astounded when you bring up what a church going girl you are Amanda.... it reminds me why I don't go to church

I go to church because it helps me feel closer to God. I'm not perfect and I'm not under any illusions that anyone else there is either. I think at least trying to get closer to God is better than not. I don't know why that would make you glad you don't go, but it's not my business, I think you should do whatever makes you happy spirituality-wise. I don't think it's necessary that someone goes to church to be a good person, I think it's possible to be very spiritual and very close to God or whatever you want to call it and not ever step inside a church or temple or ashram or whatever.

I see no reason why you shouldn't be friends with this girl. I've had friends who made choices I didn't necessarily agree with (just as I made choices they didn't agree with) and we're still friends.

Yeah, I agree, I don't see why you can't be friends with people that you may have disagreements with. I don't just throw people away.

If she's not asking to you help in the deception, like lie for her, then one thing really has nothing to do with the other however, if you want to clear your conscience I suppose you could go to her and give her the option of being honest with these boys otherwise tell her you can't keep her secret for her if the subject comes up.

She hasn't asked me to do anything directly, but it's implied I will stay quiet. I feel bad because both of them are really nice guys and neither one should be treated this way. I need to figure this out, I don't want to be the one everyone is mad at and I don't know if I can keep this inside.

 

[Care4all]

I go to church because it helps me feel closer to God. I'm not perfect and I'm not under any illusions that anyone else there is either. I think at least trying to get closer to God is better than not. I don't know why that would make you glad you don't go, but it's not my business, I think you should do whatever makes you happy spirituality-wise. I don't think it's necessary that someone goes to church to be a good person, I think it's possible to be very spiritual and very close to God or whatever you want to call it and not ever step inside a church or temple or ashram or whatever.



Yeah, I agree, I don't see why you can't be friends with people that you may have disagreements with. I don't just throw people away.


She hasn't asked me to do anything directly, but it's implied I will stay quiet. I feel bad because both of them are really nice guys and neither one should be treated this way. I need to figure this out, I don't want to be the one everyone is mad at and I don't know if I can keep this inside.

please take my advice to you in my last post above. you won't regret it...nor will your girlfriend, promise!

Care

 

[Amanda]

She told you because deep down inside, she is uncomfortable with what she is doing....this is the time for you to be a true fellow Christian friend and tell her that you believe what she is doing is dishonest for one or sneaky in the least and that she should stop, or she should be honest and tell her first bf that she likes him a great deal and wants to continue with dating him, but she is not ready for a one on one, sole, relationship.

Believe me, this may seem scary for her to do, but if she tells the first bf and the other bf, they both will continue to pursue her even more so....more than likely.

Secrets fester inside, it's better for her to stop, or be honest.

And you need to tell her such, in the kindest manner as possible....remember, she CHOSE YOU to discuss this with....(or God chose you, for her to discuss this with), take the opportunity, to build your own strength and character, and speak the truth....tell her how you would feel if this were done to you...

And remind her of the Golden Rule....as a Christian, she should understand it, and how important it is to all of Christianity....and humanity, in and of itself.

Care

That is great advice, I will do it. Thank you, you helped me a lot.

 

[007]

That is great advice, I will do it. Thank you, you helped me a lot.

Hate to throw this wrench in the gears, but I think your "friend" was "you."

We'll never know for sure. We have to take your word for it. I think you're fibbing about your age, and I think this little cheating story is about you. Sorry. But I trust my first impressions. They're usually always right.