You live in a fantasy world. Stormy Daniels described that "schlong" as "smaller than average", which makes sense considering those freakishly tiny ass hands. It also explains a lot. And your right, I don't know any porn stars, but I do know a bunch of hot bartenders. And a little story to demonstrate what I know about women.
I walk into a bar at around 8:30 and notice a male friend sitting with another guy that I don't know. My friend asks me to pull up a chair and I have a seat. A half hour later that small table is surrounded by at least a dozen beautiful women, many of them "hot bartenders" that are out for the night. Everyone is laughing and talking and having a great time when the guy that I didn't know suddenly screams, "Everyone be quiet". Silence descends on the group and he looks me in the eye and goes, "Who the **** are you?" Perplexed, I reply with my name. Then he says, "Well all I know is that my friend and I sat at this table for two hours and no woman even gave us a glance. Then you showed up and within fifteen minutes we are surrounded by beautiful women". The girls all giggled and laughed, hugging me and kissing me on the cheek, telling him that I was just a great guy.
I do alright. I come from a long line of good looking men that married up. My grandfather was legendary, I have seen the sparkle in an 80 year old woman's eyes when I tell them who my grandfather was. My father has been described as a stone cold fox, and even today, at 83, he can turn women's heads. My wife is 14 years my junior and Scottish royalty. Because of all those factors I don't have to strike a damn lick. And I can proudly say that my sons are continuing that tradition. Hell, it is the American way ever since George Washington married Martha.