a) Learn the official “Anointed” Christian buzzwords. You can begin with repeating the word “anointed” in your conversations, making sure that people recognize that you have this special anointing. (See Rule 3 for a more complete list of buzzwords.) Setting up people in the audience to be “healed” is a good way of gaining the flock’s confidence. However, make certain the affliction they are healed of is something that is not visible or something that can be medically verified. Headaches and other aches and pains are good to capitalize on. Make certain that you choose the people beforehand so they will not give away what is happening.
Persuading people that you are giving them a secret, hidden knowledge that others do not have will draw them in like flies to honey. This will encourage them to have an awe of your knowledge. Once people recognize you have this anointing, then you can begin to claim apostleship or establish yourself as a prophet of God. Remember to keep them from discovering that you “anointed” yourself. This is vital. If they see that you started out as the only one who said you were anointed, you will never get a flock going and will miss out on all the fun and profit there is when you start fleecing your flock.
b) Establish yourself as a prophet from God by making a few predictions. It does not matter if they don’t come to pass because you can always claim it was their lack of faith as to why it did not come to pass. The secret to being successful is always to shift the blame back onto them when in a tight spot. Whatever you do, never ever accept responsibility for the lack of failed prophesies as this will taint your image and hinder the pursuit of fleecing the flock for fun and profit.
c) If anyone challenges you as a prophet of God, remind them of the verse that says “touch not the anointed of God” and of the consequences of blasphemy of the Holy Spirit. Never mind that neither of these passages have anything to do with you or the situation. It will sound very spiritual if you say it to them with a very stern look on your face and a loud voice. It is essential that you use fear as often as possible to make sure the flock maintains its fear of you. Fear is a great tool to use that will enable you to continue to fleece the flock.
d) Don’t forget to inject a verse here and there so they will be convinced that this is from God. Choose obscure verses so the flock doesn’t realize that they have nothing to do with what you are saying. Always use the King James Version because most people nowadays don’t understand it and you can use it to make verses say whatever you want them to. If challenged, invoke “divine revelation knowledge” . You can make a good profit on writing your own study Bible with your own notes in the margins. The leather versions can sell for more than $200 each and can give you a good source of income for many years.
e) Emotionalism is essential for a flock-fleecing ministry. Mimic the most successful fleecers and practice this often until you have it down pat. Aggressively prance back and forth across the stage while waving your arms wildly and be sure to talk fast and loud. For added emphasis, whisper at times to make them strain to hear you and then scream to make them jump out of their seats.
Tears and a lot of mopping of sweat from the forehead and mouth while preaching happens a lot while under the “anointing” and this assures the flock that they are receiving an “anointed” message. Dance a lot and say “Whoooeeee, I feel the anointing comin’ upon me, ….GLORY.” Be certain to make odd noises at times and call them speaking in tongues from the Spirit. This is highly impressive and will ensure the flock’s awe of you.