Anyone else grieving?

[CeeCee]

My husband was 12 years older, we h We had 20 years together. I am not the age where women usually lose their husbands, but he was quite ill for some years, so it wasn't a complete shock. I thought I had another decade.

I lost my hubby to colon cancer in 2004, he was 15 years older than me and we had 35 years together. Although as the years pass, the grief gets easier but there are still triggers that have me crying after 13 years.

Also, my mom just died last June and this will be my first Mother's Day without her...it's going to be tough.

Our mother (my sisters' and mine) is still around but she might as well be dead.

She is going deaf and she cannot remember anything past 5 mins ago.

In this case death would be merciful for her.

She talks about suicide but there is no way for her to do it.

She grew up around guns with her dad being a hunter and she was even a pretty good shot but she has not owned a gun nor had access to one since 1968. Certainly a good thing.

My sisters and I are Catholic and do not believe in suicide nor euthanasia.

You just play the hand that the Lord has dealt you, and you keep your chin up.

One day I'll write how my mom died, just can't do it today...just thinking of her and seeing her image in my mind makes me cry.

At least I don't think she was in pain...I wasn't there but my brother told me.

My mom lived with my baby sister in NJ and I'm in California...at the most I saw her twice a year but miss her very much. She was 83.

 

[CeeCee]

Dang, now I'm sad...

 

[ricechickie]

ricechickie you need to pour out all the liquor.

Not gonna happen.

I don't black out, I don't get hungover, I make it to work and do a damned good job every day, and I don't drive after drinking.

Listen, I have evaluated myself from time to time, and I am functioning well. I choose to drink with my eyes wide open. Hell, I'm lucky I didn't know where to find heroin in the early months. It hurt that bad.

 

[ricechickie]

Dang, now I'm sad...

I'm sorry. I truly am. But there are people who know how you feel. I don't have enough people like that in my "real life."

 

[Dalia]

ricechickie you need to pour out all the liquor.

Not gonna happen.

I don't black out, I don't get hungover, I make it to work and do a damned good job every day, and I don't drive after drinking.

Listen, I have evaluated myself from time to time, and I am functioning well. I choose to drink with my eyes wide open. Hell, I'm lucky I didn't know where to find heroin in the early months. It hurt that bad.

I understand your pains, on christmas day 2015 i receive a phone call that told me that my brother just die from a heart attack he was only 45 years old, i did not expect that, i was not prepare for that, i was so hurt that i drink a lot, i don't drink that much normaly, but my god my heart was broken so much

 

[ricechickie]

ricechickie you need to pour out all the liquor.

Not gonna happen.

I don't black out, I don't get hungover, I make it to work and do a damned good job every day, and I don't drive after drinking.

Listen, I have evaluated myself from time to time, and I am functioning well. I choose to drink with my eyes wide open. Hell, I'm lucky I didn't know where to find heroin in the early months. It hurt that bad.

I understand your pains, on christmas day 2015 i receive a phone call that told me that my brother just die from a heart attack he was only 45 years old, i did not expect that, i was not prepare for that, i was so hurt that i drink a lot, i don't drink that much normaly, but my god my heart was broken so much

I understand that.

 

[Dalia]

My husband was 12 years older, we h We had 20 years together. I am not the age where women usually lose their husbands, but he was quite ill for some years, so it wasn't a complete shock. I thought I had another decade.

I lost my hubby to colon cancer in 2004, he was 15 years older than me and we had 35 years together. Although as the years pass, the grief gets easier but there are still triggers that have me crying after 13 years.

Also, my mom just died last June and this will be my first Mother's Day without her...it's going to be tough.

Our mother (my sisters' and mine) is still around but she might as well be dead.

She is going deaf and she cannot remember anything past 5 mins ago.

In this case death would be merciful for her.

She talks about suicide but there is no way for her to do it.

She grew up around guns with her dad being a hunter and she was even a pretty good shot but she has not owned a gun nor had access to one since 1968. Certainly a good thing.

My sisters and I are Catholic and do not believe in suicide nor euthanasia.

You just play the hand that the Lord has dealt you, and you keep your chin up.

One day I'll write how my mom died, just can't do it today...just thinking of her and seeing her image in my mind makes me cry.

At least I don't think she was in pain...I wasn't there but my brother told me.

My mom lived with my baby sister in NJ and I'm in California...at the most I saw her twice a year but miss her very much. She was 83.

My condolences CeeCee, I lost my father when i was a teenager, I adore my mother she's 67 years olds in good health and I can't just imagine your pain, i can't think about the lost of my mom.
I lost my brother and i bring him flower ( rose) at his grave almost every week and time go by and Less and less people come to his grave, it makes me sad in a certain way

 

[CeeCee]

Sorry for your loss, Dalia and yes as time goes on people tend to forget about visiting graves except maybe on a special occasion.

I'm almost the same age as your mom and my kids are almost 46 and 41, I know they would miss me because I'm still a big part of their lives...I'm happy about that.

 

[Dalia]

Sorry for your loss, Dalia and yes as time goes on people tend to forget about visiting graves except maybe on a special occasion.

I'm almost the same age as your mom and my kids are almost 46 and 41, I know they would miss me because I'm still a big part of their lives...I'm happy about that.

I'm sure Ceecee they will miss you, a mom is an incomparable attachment, I would do anything for my mother.
He had so many flowers at the beginning on my brother's grave now that I go almost nothing, I lay my roses while talking to him and I still hope he could hears me.

 

[Michelle420]

He was my first big loss. I am definitely getting through. I am finally just getting adjusted to being alone. Yes, that's taken almost a year and a half.

Not recent but still makes me sad.

My cousin died unexpectedly in Oct.2012. My Dad died in Jan 2013, and my sister committed suicide in June 2013. That was the toughest year I ever had. It changed everything in my life.

Time seems to make it less painful, yet when things like birthdays, holidays etc come up I think of them and feel sad or miss them or both. My sister would have had her birthday this month.

I'm sorry about your loss talking about it is helpful for some people.

 

[Dalia]

He was my first big loss. I am definitely getting through. I am finally just getting adjusted to being alone. Yes, that's taken almost a year and a half.

Not recent but still makes me sad.

My cousin died unexpectedly in Oct.2012. My Dad died in Jan 2013, and my sister committed suicide in June 2013. That was the toughest year I ever had. It changed everything in my life.

Time seems to make it less painful, yet when things like birthdays, holidays etc come up I think of them and feel sad or miss them or both. My sister would have had her birthday this month.

I'm sorry about your loss talking about it is helpful for some people.

Sorry for your loss drifter, your sister commited suicide i am sorry for you, one my friend commited suicide when she was a teenager it is a horrible !i did not expected that she would commited suicide

 

[Michelle420]

He was my first big loss. I am definitely getting through. I am finally just getting adjusted to being alone. Yes, that's taken almost a year and a half.

Not recent but still makes me sad.

My cousin died unexpectedly in Oct.2012. My Dad died in Jan 2013, and my sister committed suicide in June 2013. That was the toughest year I ever had. It changed everything in my life.

Time seems to make it less painful, yet when things like birthdays, holidays etc come up I think of them and feel sad or miss them or both. My sister would have had her birthday this month.

I'm sorry about your loss talking about it is helpful for some people.

Sorry for your loss drifter, your sister commited suicide i am sorry for you, one my friend commited suicide when she was a teenager it is a horrible !i did not expected that she would commited suicide

Thank You.

 

[Dalia]

Your welcome drifter, talking about it do help.

 

[yiostheoy]

Philosophically, everyone needs to deal with death, since everyone and everything dies.

When it happens close to you it never feels good.

But it is inevitable for everyone and everything.

The worst thing is when a child of yours dies. Hopefully it was not your only child or your only boy or girl. The classic solution for this problem is to have 4 kids of which 2 are boys and 2 girls. This way you can afford to lose one of each and it would not be a devastating loss.

The death of an only boy or an only girl is devastating.

The death of a spouse is merely a roll of the dice. Unless you both die at the same time in a car or airplane crash you are unlikely to die at the same time. So one of you is going to outlive the other.

In the case of the death of a spouse the best thing is spend a year grieving, then after the 1 year anniversary get out there and start socializing again if you enjoy being paired with someone else. Otherwise just be resolved to the reality that the other's time was up, like the ancient Greek Fates who spin a life line, measure it, and cut it off.

With your brothers and sisters and cousins it is the same way -- you must be prepared for them someday to die.

Regarding parents, Herodotus the ancient Greek historian and father of history said, "In peacetime sons bury their fathers; in wartime fathers bury their sons." In modern times this is true of mothers and daughters too, since women now also serve in the military.

 

[Michelle420]

Everyone grieves differently, there is no set way to do it. Nor is there a timeframe of when you are over it.

 

[ricechickie]

Thank you all for the kind words, sharing stories, and reading mine. It does help. Even though it's been 18 months, I have horrible days here and there. But the normal days are really starting to outnumber the bad ones.

 

[Dalia]

Philosophically, everyone needs to deal with death, since everyone and everything dies.

When it happens close to you it never feels good.

But it is inevitable for everyone and everything.

The worst thing is when a child of yours dies. Hopefully it was not your only child or your only boy or girl. The classic solution for this problem is to have 4 kids of which 2 are boys and 2 girls. This way you can afford to lose one of each and it would not be a devastating loss.

The death of an only boy or an only girl is devastating.

The death of a spouse is merely a roll of the dice. Unless you both die at the same time in a car or airplane crash you are unlikely to die at the same time. So one of you is going to outlive the other.

In the case of the death of a spouse the best thing is spend a year grieving, then after the 1 year anniversary get out there and start socializing again if you enjoy being paired with someone else. Otherwise just be resolved to the reality that the other's time was up, like the ancient Greek Fates who spin a life line, measure it, and cut it off.

With your brothers and sisters and cousins it is the same way -- you must be prepared for them someday to die.

Regarding parents, Herodotus the ancient Greek historian and father of history said, "In peacetime sons bury their fathers; in wartime fathers bury their sons." In modern times this is true of mothers and daughters too, since women now also serve in the military.

What is most cruel when one loses a loved one is the example of my father he was sick for a long time, he suffered a lot, but in a certain way we were prepared for his death, it is him Who suffered the most after his death we all suffered, but my brother died suddenly without suffering almost no suffer, but the suffering was enormous for all of us because we were not prepared for his death.

 

[ricechickie]

Philosophically, everyone needs to deal with death, since everyone and everything dies.

When it happens close to you it never feels good.

But it is inevitable for everyone and everything.

The worst thing is when a child of yours dies. Hopefully it was not your only child or your only boy or girl. The classic solution for this problem is to have 4 kids of which 2 are boys and 2 girls. This way you can afford to lose one of each and it would not be a devastating loss.

The death of an only boy or an only girl is devastating.

The death of a spouse is merely a roll of the dice. Unless you both die at the same time in a car or airplane crash you are unlikely to die at the same time. So one of you is going to outlive the other.

In the case of the death of a spouse the best thing is spend a year grieving, then after the 1 year anniversary get out there and start socializing again if you enjoy being paired with someone else. Otherwise just be resolved to the reality that the other's time was up, like the ancient Greek Fates who spin a life line, measure it, and cut it off.

With your brothers and sisters and cousins it is the same way -- you must be prepared for them someday to die.

Regarding parents, Herodotus the ancient Greek historian and father of history said, "In peacetime sons bury their fathers; in wartime fathers bury their sons." In modern times this is true of mothers and daughters too, since women now also serve in the military.

What is most cruel when one loses a loved one is the example of my father he was sick for a long time, he suffered a lot, but in a certain way we were prepared for his death, it is him Who suffered the most after his death we all suffered, but my brother died suddenly without suffering almost no suffer, but the suffering was enormous for all of us because we were not prepared for his death.

I think, overall, it was better that we were somewhat prepared. I also have since found out that my husband seemed more aware of his impending death then he let on. That makes me sad, because I hope he didn't feel isolated.

 

[Dalia]

Philosophically, everyone needs to deal with death, since everyone and everything dies.

When it happens close to you it never feels good.

But it is inevitable for everyone and everything.

The worst thing is when a child of yours dies. Hopefully it was not your only child or your only boy or girl. The classic solution for this problem is to have 4 kids of which 2 are boys and 2 girls. This way you can afford to lose one of each and it would not be a devastating loss.

The death of an only boy or an only girl is devastating.

The death of a spouse is merely a roll of the dice. Unless you both die at the same time in a car or airplane crash you are unlikely to die at the same time. So one of you is going to outlive the other.

In the case of the death of a spouse the best thing is spend a year grieving, then after the 1 year anniversary get out there and start socializing again if you enjoy being paired with someone else. Otherwise just be resolved to the reality that the other's time was up, like the ancient Greek Fates who spin a life line, measure it, and cut it off.

With your brothers and sisters and cousins it is the same way -- you must be prepared for them someday to die.

Regarding parents, Herodotus the ancient Greek historian and father of history said, "In peacetime sons bury their fathers; in wartime fathers bury their sons." In modern times this is true of mothers and daughters too, since women now also serve in the military.

What is most cruel when one loses a loved one is the example of my father he was sick for a long time, he suffered a lot, but in a certain way we were prepared for his death, it is him Who suffered the most after his death we all suffered, but my brother died suddenly without suffering almost no suffer, but the suffering was enormous for all of us because we were not prepared for his death.

I think, overall, it was better that we were somewhat prepared. I also have since found out that my husband seemed more aware of his impending death then he let on. That makes me sad, because I hope he didn't feel isolated.

I believe that sometimes a person know what will die
The love of a loved one we do not want him to suffer, the disease is cruel we must give more love is what I did for my father while he was suffering, I still cry is dead and after so long. I would always love him.

 

[Dalia]

Last year I lost loved ones, I also lost my brother in law, he was ambulance man a magnificent person, courageous up to the end.
He died of cancer of the throat, the last days he made preparations for his departure, he knew he was going to die, but he was not yet married with my sister who not very rich and he wanted to make sure What is the right for her the same advantage as if she were his wife, he dressed in suffering and he went down to the chapel of the hospital to marry her, he died the same day.