I do respect the fact that you try to lead a good life and help people. I like to think I do as well, when I'm not just trying to get by.
I couldn't do it either until I quit working. Before that, I was just trying to get by. What's actually astonishing is that from this vantage point looking back, I can see God preparing me for the role I play now in ways I did not see then. In fact, could not see then because I hadn't a clue where I would end up or, for that matter, that the ministry I'm involved in now even existed. I didn't even become aware of it before I was ready to undertake it.
But simply blindly believing in a mysterious force, I can't do that. I'm just too cynical.
Oh, no. It's not blindly believing. I can't do that either and don't see how anybody of reasonable intelligence can. It's just so...so...so contrary to good sense.
I gave my soul to Christ in 1973, but still had many, many doubts as to whether or not what I was professing (but not living) was true. Then one day, I heard a preacher on the radio (Hebert W. Armstrong) talking about a similar period in his life and he said he finally decided to examine the evidence and prove to himself it was all true. So, he did. What a great idea, I thought, so I set out to do the same thing. It wasn't like a concentrated field of study, but more like finding the answers to a seemingly endless series of questions: What evidence is there of the existence of God? What proof is there that Jesus Christ ever existed? How do I know He is the Son of God? How do I know the Bible is true?
Just going by the Biblical tales wasn't enough. After all, it were all a lie, wouldn't it be logical to expect that to reinforce, or even create the lie? I looked elsewhere for verification, matching what the Bible says against nature and science and psychology and human relations and history. I made cursory examinations of the sayings of Buddha and Confucius, familiarized myself with the basics of Hinduism, naturalism, philosophy, Islam. Naturally, I can't tell it all because this process took some time. I was blessed to be in an occupation which provided a lot of time for reflection and reading. I drove an over the road truck, which has a lot of down time waiting to load or unload or to be dispatched, and long, endless nights alone. Plenty of opportunities to read and think, to ponder and consider.
Eventually, I came to this conclusion: Yes, it is all true. The preponderance of the evidence says that. No, it's not definitive, 100% and iron clad, but like a jury in a trial, I weighed the volume of evidence and consciously, deliberately decided to believe. What's amazing is that I did not know the Greek definition of faith then, but what I did is exactly what New Testament, true saving faith turned out to be. I examined the evidence and chose to believe.
But, that all turned out to be just the starting point, not the whole journey or the destination. After having committed to Christ, I needed to SUBmit to Christ and that I did not do for about 25 years. I didn't reach that point until my hypocritical life of saying one thing and living another finally brought me to the point that I had failed at everything. Divorced from my wife of 30 years, estranged from most of my kids, I'd quit a good job and found another where I worked harder for less money, lived alone in a 900 square foot apartment where I drank nearly all the time and eventually ended up sitting on the bed cradling a shotgun and contemplating the unthinkable. That was about 12 years ago, in my early 50's.
But, you know what? That Jesus Christ I'd forsaken and pretty much ignored had not forgotten me. At the moment of my final end, He stepped in and rescued me, just as He'd promised to do. From the depths of my self-dug pit, the only option I had left was to finally, at long last, surrender my whole life to Him and Him alone. Within a remarkably short period of time (about 18 months), He restored everything I'd lost, including my wife and kids. Like Job, I regained all I'd had and more. He took me by the heart and transformed my whole life, from one end to the other, and introduced me to a purpose for living that I didn't have a clue was even there, which I never could have expected.
Today, I can tell you with absolute assurance and confidence that Jesus Christ is real, He's alive, He's involved and He WILL deliver exactly what He's promised to deliver to those who believe and let go: love, joy, peace, patience, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, temperance. (Gal. 5:22-23) Those are things I had precious little of before, but which I now have in abundance and that through literally no effort of my own.
No, it's not a blind faith by any means. It's a proven faith to me and anybody can prove it to themselves by simply choosing to believe and surrendering your will to His. It really is that simple.
I think bad things happen to good people because the universe at the end of the day is just random. The Tornado that misses the Whorehouse and wipes out the Church isn't God being Ironic, it's just nature being random.
Sometimes that's true. God created natural forces which take their assigned course and often we get caught up in it. It sometimes is random, though even that randomness must have the hand of God behind it or He's not the God He claims to be. I used to see the effects of tornadoes and such as I traveled around the country and I wondered why, just as you said. Why did this house get hit, and not that one? Why this town, and not that one over there?
But, when I was called into disaster relief ministry (and that's what it is...a calling) I discovered that the more important thing is not to wonder why, but to watch what the effects are in the lives of people and brother, believe me I've seen the effects first hand!
Since I started doing this in 2005, I've responded to 25 or 30 different disasters. Hurricanes, floods, fires, tornadoes, ice storms, violent storms, earthquakes. Literally, from New York to California, from North Dakota to Haiti, I've been neck deep in destruction, misery, pain, confusion, turmoil and death. And, that's on top of what I saw and experienced in the war! If I don't know anything else, I know what those things do to human beings, what it does to their consciousness, their psyche, their soul.
About all I do anymore is initial damage assessment. Typically, I'm among the very first non-governmental people into a disaster area after they open the roads. My job is to meet with the victims in the wreckage of their lives and property, face to face, eyeball to eyeball, and offer them hope, show them that Christ loves them enough to send me and I love them enough to go. Many times, I'm the first one they meet representing Christ and the first one from the Southern Baptist's. As such, I get to make an the initial impression of both us as an organization and Christ and that is a grave responsibility which not just anyone of weak or timid faith can do. That's why me, and those like me, are chosen to do it. And, I am only able to do that because Christ prepared me for it over a span of now 63 years, AND preserved my health in spite of my best efforts to wreck it.
I haven't yet figured out why all these things happen (though it's sometimes readily apparent), but I have seen that people of Faith are better armed and prepared for disasters than are those of no or blind faith. They're better able to shrug it off, move on and separate the wheat of their lives from the chaff. They are the Noah's of this world, the ones who survive and prosper after they've lost everything. They're not the ones in a state of shock, the ones who have be led like a blind, deaf mute child through the process of recovery. They're the ones who have a Rock to cling to, not the ones who suddenly find themselves adrift, and that Rock is real.
Through hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of personal contacts, I've seen disasters result in everything from a total collapse to a re-birth of faith to a new and genuine faith. I've seen people who KNOW they were punished for what they've done and others who KNOW the experience has increased their faith. I've seen individuals, families, neighborhoods, cities and whole countries transformed almost overnight by horror and misery. Haiti is an excellent example. Within in the first 9 months after a devastating earthquake which killed almost 300,000 people in 90 seconds, more than 100,000 people turned to Christ in faith just with we Southern Baptist's! I can't imagine what the overall total is, but I guarantee you Haiti will not be the same as it was, not ever again.
No, I can't tell you why those things happen. I wish I could. But, I CAN testify to what happens in the aftermath and it is ALWAYS positive and good. Always. Without exception, good flows from such evil.
God really does know what He's doing. He really does.