Advice for a Bleak Day…

[Anathema]

This Friday will mark the Twenty-Fourth anniversary of my father’s death. He died in his fifty-fourth birthday from complication skin cancer which had moved into his brain. It was and still is a very difficult thing for me to accept even to this day.

I’m trying to figure out what to do on Friday to hopefully keep my mind off of the anniversary. I used to go to the cemetery with family members and things like that but we’re all too distant to make that a reasonable option anymore. Beyond that I normally just stay shut in my bedroom in the dark and quiet and be miserable for the day.

Any serious advice would be greatly appreciated

 

[80zephyr]

You need to find a way to move on. I am sure your dad would want it that way.

 

[leftwinger]

Are you a Adult or a 15 yr old girl lost her Daddy recently? WTH?

 

[Anathema]

You need to find a way to move on. I am sure your dad would want it that way.

Thanks. I’m sure you’re right. Unfortunately there are things about his death (age, manner, etc…) that I still have unresolved issues with which make that difficult.

 

[Anathema]

Are you a Adult or a 15 yr old girl lost her Daddy recently? WTH?

I’m a 51 year old man who lost someone who was very important to him a long time ago and has never truly found a way to deal with it. Thanks for asking.

 

[Mr Natural]

Are you an Adult or a 15 yr old girl lost her Daddy recently? WTH?

Are you an asshole or do you just play one on the internet?

 

[Meister]

This Friday will mark the Twenty-Fourth anniversary of my father’s death. He died in his fifty-fourth birthday from complication skin cancer which had moved into his brain. It was and still is a very difficult thing for me to accept even to this day.

I’m trying to figure out what to do on Friday to hopefully keep my mind off of the anniversary. I used to go to the cemetery with family members and things like that but we’re all too distant to make that a reasonable option anymore. Beyond that I normally just stay shut in my bedroom in the dark and quiet and be miserable for the day.

Any serious advice would be greatly appreciated

Was there something that you and your father enjoy doing together?
Fishing, hiking etc. ? If so take the time and do it, have a good conversation with
him. If nothing else, have the conversation, he'll be listening.

 

[Anathema]

Was there something that you and your father enjoy doing together?
Fishing, hiking etc. ? If so take the time and do it, have a good conversation with
him. If nothing else, have the conversation, he'll be listening.

There were a lot of things we SHOULD have done together, but a was in my mid-twenties when the got sick and we had some personality friction between us, so we didn’t do as many as we should have. I really matured into my adult self several years after he died.

I’ll definitely be having a conversation with him. I try to do that as frequently as I can bring myself to. Thankfully we had a chance to clear the air and make some amount of amends a couple days before he passed away.

 

[Meister]

There were a lot of things we SHOULD have done together, but a was in my mid-twenties when the got sick and we had some personality friction between us, so we didn’t do as many as we should have. I really matured into my adult self several years after he died.

I’ll definitely be having a conversation with him. I try to do that as frequently as I can bring myself to. Thankfully we had a chance to clear the air and make some amount of amends a couple days before he passed away.

That is what you want to hold on to, and if there was any guilt, just let it go.
Your father and you realized what really was important in life at the end.

 

[leftwinger]

I’m a 51 year old man who lost someone who was very important to him a long time ago and has never truly found a way to deal with it. Thanks for asking.

I'm certain you've attacked me in postings over nothing, when I was being nice. If wrong? Too bad. BOARD Stain keep me angered and on offense. i don't remember you as a Stain but? Enjoy your day.

 

[Anathema]

That is what you want to hold on to, and if there was any guilt, just let it go.
Your father and you realized what really was important in life at the end.

I’ve done my best to let go of the stuff related to him personally. I still have major issues with his God/Faith and how things happened.

It enrages me that after a life dedicated to everyone else’s needs he never got to have his own life. Never met his eight grandkids. Never met my wife, or the daughter-in-law who gave him those eight grandkids. Never got to just tinker in the workshop in the basement or relax in his chair and not be worried about everything. Didn’t get to see his three kids fully develop into the men we’ve become.

 

[Freedomisneverfree]

On a dark day I find baking to be soothing. Making nice hot cinnamon rolls. For you, whatever your hobby is, try to immerse yourself in it to get through each day

 

[Anathema]

On a dark day I find baking to be soothing. Making nice hot cinnamon rolls. For you, whatever your hobby is, try to immerse yourself in it to get through each day

Thanks. I’ve been trying to work on advancing several short stories I’ve been writing for a while so maybe I’ll try to get some more done on one of those, or pull out one of my dozens of story idea cards and try starting on something new… if I can focus on writing.

 

[OhPleaseJustQuit]

This Friday will mark the Twenty-Fourth anniversary of my father’s death. He died in his fifty-fourth birthday from complication skin cancer which had moved into his brain. It was and still is a very difficult thing for me to accept even to this day.

I’m trying to figure out what to do on Friday to hopefully keep my mind off of the anniversary. I used to go to the cemetery with family members and things like that but we’re all too distant to make that a reasonable option anymore. Beyond that I normally just stay shut in my bedroom in the dark and quiet and be miserable for the day.

Any serious advice would be greatly appreciated

.

I lost my husband five years ago from medical negligence. The hardest part for me is finding a way to forgive who was responsible.

My husband would never want me to live with bitter regrets.

Who do you need to forgive?

I am going to church in a while to get a task done. I will pray for you and your father while I'm there.

.

 

[Lisa558]

Thanks. I’ve been trying to work on advancing several short stories I’ve been writing for a while so maybe I’ll try to get some more done on one of those, or pull out one of my dozens of story idea cards and try starting on something new… if I can focus on writing.

There’s a custom among observant Jews that I find comforting, and perhaps it’s something you might consider.

On the yartzheit (that’s the anniversary) of a loved one’s death, we light a Memorial Candle and make a donation to a charity that was important to him. That way, we continue his “good deeds” that, if he were still alive, he would be doing. It’s a way to extend the value of his life, even though it is over.

 

[Anathema]

.

I lost my husband five years ago from medical negligence. The hardest part for me is finding a way to forgive who was responsible.

My husband would never want me to live with bitter regrets.

Who do you need to forgive?

I am going to church in a while to get a task done. I will pray for you and your father while I'm there.

.

Thank you for your thoughts and prayers. My condolences on your own loss.

Unfortunately my continued angst and bitterness is with God, Himself. Largely based around the circumstances of my father’s illness and passing. Just when he’d finally reached a point in life where he and my mother were going to be able to live for themselves rather than everyone else he gets sick and dies. My father never lost his faith right up to his passing. I most certainly lost mine.

 

[Anathema]

There’s a custom among observant Jews that I find comforting, and perhaps it’s something you might consider.

On the yartzheit (that’s the anniversary) of a loved one’s death, we light a Memorial Candle and make a donation to a charity that was important to him. That way, we continue his “good deeds” that, if he were still alive, he would be doing. It’s a way to extend the value of his life, even though it is over.

That’s an interesting idea. One of my brothers has worked in finance and so we set up a fund in my father’s name and we regularly donate several hundred dollars at a time to different emergency and disaster relief funds. Still your idea has merit and I’ll definitely keep it in mind.

 

[OhPleaseJustQuit]

Thank you for your thoughts and prayers. My condolences on your own loss.

Unfortunately my continued angst and bitterness is with God, Himself. Largely based around the circumstances of my father’s illness and passing. Just when he’d finally reached a point in life where he and my mother were going to be able to live for themselves rather than everyone else he gets sick and dies. My father never lost his faith right up to his passing. I most certainly lost mine.

.

I understand how you can feel like you feel. I wish I had more advice.

Maybe make it a day when you can do something special for yourself. Treat yourself especially well.

.

 

[Concerned American]

Thanks. I’m sure you’re right. Unfortunately there are things about his death (age, manner, etc…) that I still have unresolved issues with which make that difficult.

Try doing something that will refresh good memories of time spent with him.

 

[initforme]

I am very sorry about your loss. Im old, been thru many losses. I always had a favorite quiet spot to walk to. I made sure it was at least a few miles. Exercise makes things clearer and actually releases good hormones. And remember its ok to feel the way you do. Consider it a day you dont need to be productive. Those days are very important.