A Modest Proposal

[Abishai100]

Shiva and Krishna discuss cannibalism.


====

SHIVA: Overpopulation is a big problem in India.

KRISHNA: They may consider using people as food.

SHIVA: Cannibalism?

KRISHNA: Why not? We eat animals without hesitation!

SHIVA: Isn't that the point? An animal (if it could speak) would ask, "You're still unsatisfied?"

KRISHNA: Well, humans started out eating only fruits and veggies and later hunted animals for meat.

SHIVA: So why not stop there? An animal is a living creature, and there are already hunting-honor rituals.

KRISHNA: True, but I could argue the converse --- if we eat animals, why stop there?

SHIVA: Because animal consumption is sufficient for humanity's history!

KRISHNA: I was being argumentative regarding overpopulation.

SHIVA: In that case, why not execute all imprisoned convicts to avoid the cost of prison upkeep?

KRISHNA: What do you propose?

SHIVA: I propose a thorough re-examination of the consumptive lifestyle that gives rise to gluttony.

KRISHNA: You believe overpopulation is caused by failures in temperance?

SHIVA: Yes!

KRISHNA: Don't you cheer for your favorite sports teams?

SHIVA: I don't 'pity' for the rival team, but I see no compromise in Nick Van Exel drinking peach juice.

KRISHNA: Nick Van Exel was an outstanding NCAA men's basketball player. What does he care?

SHIVA: The NCAA is part of the same 'capital system' we're discussing.

KRISHNA: If the entire universe became cannibals, would you hide just to protest?

SHIVA: I would declare myself a conscientious objector!

KRISHNA: Fair enough. Let's agree then that 'philosophy' is sufficient (for you) to solve traffic problems.

====

 

[The Great Goose]

 

[Abishai100]

The Round Table

I like how this turned out, so I'm making a tournament scenario in which Brahma (Hindu god of creation) simultaneously challenges the Hindu deities Krishna (god of negotiation), Shiva (god of destruction), and Vishnu (god of protection) in a discussion about cannibalism.


====

BRAHMA: What's the key difference between instinct and intelligence?

KRISHNA: Self-evaluation.
SHIVA: Regret.
VISHNU: Idealism.

BRAHMA: Were the cannibalistic Aztecs primitive or free?

KRISHNA: The Aztecs were myopic.
SHIVA: The Aztecs were savage.
VISHNU: The Aztecs were self-indulgent.

BRAHMA: Would you eat human flesh to survive?

KRISHNA: I would say my prayers, but yes!
SHIVA: People will do anything to survive.
VISHNU: Maybe.

BRAHMA: There are quite a few movies about cannibalism.

KRISHNA: I like Alive [1993].
SHIVA: I like Ravenous [1999].
VISHNU: I like The Texas Chainsaw Massacre [1974].

BRAHMA: What's the key difference between cannibalism and profiteerism?

KRISHNA: Profiteers may trade in money and goods --- not lives.
SHIVA: Cannibals may not necessarily be 'greedy.'
VISHNU: Profiteers are more intellectual.

====

 

[The Great Goose]

You really are gifted. I think you should write a novel.