2aguy
Diamond Member
- Jul 19, 2014
- 113,046
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Kurt Schlichter is a great columnist...he is like Ann Coulter and Milo Yianopolous in that he knows how to skewer the left wing totalitarians and doesn't take prisoners........
here is his guide for political discussion with the victims of left wing totalitarianism who will be walking through way too many American doors this Thanksgiving....
Kurt Schlichter - Be That Obnoxious Conservative Uncle At Thanksgiving
Welcome Him to Dinner: Extend a hearty greeting, like “Good to see you! Of course, when I was 25, I spent Thanksgiving in a fighting position eating reconstituted pork patties, but your part time Chore Monkey gig is pretty much the same. Come on in!”
Be patient when he inquires whether you have anything “infused” or “curated,” and assure him that “Oh yeah, I got something locally sourced for you right here.”
Listen intently to his list of dietary restrictions, then helpfully explain that “Your vegan option is not eating.”
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Ensure that your prayer concludes “And we thank you for our police and firefighters, and for all our veterans, and for our warriors fighting evil across the globe. May you protect them and grant them total victory over our enemies.”
Don’t forget to be inclusive! “Oh, and let’s not forget the Chore Monkey guys. They’re heroes too in their own way, I guess.”
Understand His Sensitive Feelings About The Election: Hillary Clinton’s loss was a blow to many millennials, and he is likely to be emotionally fragile. You’ll want to ruthlessly exploit his pathetic weakness.
Always refer to “President Trump” and how he will “Make America great again.” Wear a MAGA hat to the table. Mention the “eight years of the Trump administration” and to what Justices Cruz and Willet will do to get the Supreme Court squared away again. Refer to Hillary as “Prisoner No. 59875779.”
He’ll likely react poorly, and if he becomes really annoying, build a wall between you and him with mashed potatoes and demand he pay for it.
He may try to demand that you “denounce” some dipwad pseudo-Nazi geebo you’ve never heard of in a lame ploy to buy into the latest anti-conservative media narrative. Respond that you despise all socialists – after all, “Nazi” doesn’t stand for National REPUBLICAN Worker’s Party – and ask if he’ll join you in denouncing all advocates of that hateful ideology, including Bernie Sanders. When he refuses, ask him why he loves Hitler.
If he pops off about how Hillary allegedly won the popular vote, start laughing and inquire, “Then you mean Hillary was too dumb to win an election she won?” Hoist your glass and call for a toast to the Electoral College.
------
Agree that America has a terrible gun crisis – many Americans simply cannot afford to purchase the multiple firearms each citizen should own. Inform him that his opposition to your plan for “gun vouchers” to allow all Americans to take part in the defense of themselves, their families, communities and the Constitution, is “super racist” and that you support “caliber diversity.”
Make sure you never refer to “climate change.” It’s the “global warming scam,” and you are in favor of it “Because warming means sunshine and I like chicks being able to choose to wear bikinis. Why don’t you support womyn’s choices?” Add: “Yeah, that’s ‘womyn’ with a ‘y,’ sexist.”
here is his guide for political discussion with the victims of left wing totalitarianism who will be walking through way too many American doors this Thanksgiving....
Kurt Schlichter - Be That Obnoxious Conservative Uncle At Thanksgiving
Welcome Him to Dinner: Extend a hearty greeting, like “Good to see you! Of course, when I was 25, I spent Thanksgiving in a fighting position eating reconstituted pork patties, but your part time Chore Monkey gig is pretty much the same. Come on in!”
Be patient when he inquires whether you have anything “infused” or “curated,” and assure him that “Oh yeah, I got something locally sourced for you right here.”
Listen intently to his list of dietary restrictions, then helpfully explain that “Your vegan option is not eating.”
-----
Ensure that your prayer concludes “And we thank you for our police and firefighters, and for all our veterans, and for our warriors fighting evil across the globe. May you protect them and grant them total victory over our enemies.”
Don’t forget to be inclusive! “Oh, and let’s not forget the Chore Monkey guys. They’re heroes too in their own way, I guess.”
Understand His Sensitive Feelings About The Election: Hillary Clinton’s loss was a blow to many millennials, and he is likely to be emotionally fragile. You’ll want to ruthlessly exploit his pathetic weakness.
Always refer to “President Trump” and how he will “Make America great again.” Wear a MAGA hat to the table. Mention the “eight years of the Trump administration” and to what Justices Cruz and Willet will do to get the Supreme Court squared away again. Refer to Hillary as “Prisoner No. 59875779.”
He’ll likely react poorly, and if he becomes really annoying, build a wall between you and him with mashed potatoes and demand he pay for it.
He may try to demand that you “denounce” some dipwad pseudo-Nazi geebo you’ve never heard of in a lame ploy to buy into the latest anti-conservative media narrative. Respond that you despise all socialists – after all, “Nazi” doesn’t stand for National REPUBLICAN Worker’s Party – and ask if he’ll join you in denouncing all advocates of that hateful ideology, including Bernie Sanders. When he refuses, ask him why he loves Hitler.
If he pops off about how Hillary allegedly won the popular vote, start laughing and inquire, “Then you mean Hillary was too dumb to win an election she won?” Hoist your glass and call for a toast to the Electoral College.
------
Agree that America has a terrible gun crisis – many Americans simply cannot afford to purchase the multiple firearms each citizen should own. Inform him that his opposition to your plan for “gun vouchers” to allow all Americans to take part in the defense of themselves, their families, communities and the Constitution, is “super racist” and that you support “caliber diversity.”
Make sure you never refer to “climate change.” It’s the “global warming scam,” and you are in favor of it “Because warming means sunshine and I like chicks being able to choose to wear bikinis. Why don’t you support womyn’s choices?” Add: “Yeah, that’s ‘womyn’ with a ‘y,’ sexist.”
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