8 Reasons Congress Deserves Raises

[Votto]

8 Reasons Congress Deserves Raises
Sponsored·Dec 19, 2024 · BabylonBee.com

Is there any group of people that work harder than Congressmen? No. No there is not. And yet, these poor, industrious public servants often don't get raises, sometimes for years.

Well, we're compassionate for the less fortunate here at The Babylon Bee, so we've put together this list of the eight best reasons that members of Congress deserve a hefty raise right away:

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1. It was a rough year for insider trading: It's been a difficult time for many in Washington.
2. Ukraine kickbacks might be ending in a couple months: Congress should get a little raise to help them through these unprecedented times.
3. The costs of coke orgies are through the roof nowadays: A simple bump in pay will help Congressmen maintain their simple coke orgy lifestyle.
4. Their jobs are much harder than those lazy bums at the Supreme Court: Those people have time to star in Broadway productions, for goodness' sake.
5. Some people (we don't know who) passed insane spending bills that caused inflation: Whoever did this to us is terrible. But either way, Congress needs more money to survive in this economic crisis that some unknown culprits caused.
6. Their approval rating is probably super high: Raises should be tied to job performance, and it's clear that Congress is doing a really good job performance.
7. If they don't get raises, they'll take bribes instead: A great point.
8. It costs, like, $45,000 to go to the movies now: Even lowly public servants like Congressmen should be able to afford the simple pleasures in life.

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Are you convinced that the good people in Congress are getting cheated out of well-deserved raises? If you're not, you should be. Call your representative now and demand he give himself a raise.

 

[ThisIsMe]

8 Reasons Congress Deserves Raises
Sponsored·Dec 19, 2024 · BabylonBee.com

Is there any group of people that work harder than Congressmen? No. No there is not. And yet, these poor, industrious public servants often don't get raises, sometimes for years.

Well, we're compassionate for the less fortunate here at The Babylon Bee, so we've put together this list of the eight best reasons that members of Congress deserve a hefty raise right away:

---

1. It was a rough year for insider trading: It's been a difficult time for many in Washington.
2. Ukraine kickbacks might be ending in a couple months: Congress should get a little raise to help them through these unprecedented times.
3. The costs of coke orgies are through the roof nowadays: A simple bump in pay will help Congressmen maintain their simple coke orgy lifestyle.
4. Their jobs are much harder than those lazy bums at the Supreme Court: Those people have time to star in Broadway productions, for goodness' sake.
5. Some people (we don't know who) passed insane spending bills that caused inflation: Whoever did this to us is terrible. But either way, Congress needs more money to survive in this economic crisis that some unknown culprits caused.
6. Their approval rating is probably super high: Raises should be tied to job performance, and it's clear that Congress is doing a really good job performance.
7. If they don't get raises, they'll take bribes instead: A great point.
8. It costs, like, $45,000 to go to the movies now: Even lowly public servants like Congressmen should be able to afford the simple pleasures in life.

---

Are you convinced that the good people in Congress are getting cheated out of well-deserved raises? If you're not, you should be. Call your representative now and demand he give himself a raise.

They only worked like 138 days this last year...but still make $174,000 in salary (much more in lobbying kickbacks)

$174,000 for 4.5 months of work.......


Think about it....

 

[Votto]

They only worked like 138 days this last year...but still make $174,000 in salary (much more in lobbying kickbacks)

$174,000 for 4.5 months of work.......


Think about it....

I was hoping to get their work load down to a week a year, then maybe outsource them altogether with DOGE or something.

 

[toobfreak]

8 Reasons Congress Deserves Raises

Lemmee see if I can guess some of them?

1. Nancy's insider trading tips have died off since her hip injury!
2. Trump is breaking up the Ukraine money-laundering scheme of theirs.
3. They have done such a good job with inflation.
4. They expect to have to actually start WORKING HARDER and putting in REAL TIME under Trump.
5. Congress is just so freaking popular these days.
6. Because they are the only people in the country who CAN just vote themselves a raise.
7. Adding $80,000 to their own annual income will make it a lot easier for them to forget that those paying their salary are still stuck at 2019 income levels!

Was I close?

 

[Yarddog]

8 Reasons Congress Deserves Raises
Sponsored·Dec 19, 2024 · BabylonBee.com

Is there any group of people that work harder than Congressmen? No. No there is not. And yet, these poor, industrious public servants often don't get raises, sometimes for years.

Well, we're compassionate for the less fortunate here at The Babylon Bee, so we've put together this list of the eight best reasons that members of Congress deserve a hefty raise right away:

---

1. It was a rough year for insider trading: It's been a difficult time for many in Washington.
2. Ukraine kickbacks might be ending in a couple months: Congress should get a little raise to help them through these unprecedented times.
3. The costs of coke orgies are through the roof nowadays: A simple bump in pay will help Congressmen maintain their simple coke orgy lifestyle.
4. Their jobs are much harder than those lazy bums at the Supreme Court: Those people have time to star in Broadway productions, for goodness' sake.
5. Some people (we don't know who) passed insane spending bills that caused inflation: Whoever did this to us is terrible. But either way, Congress needs more money to survive in this economic crisis that some unknown culprits caused.
6. Their approval rating is probably super high: Raises should be tied to job performance, and it's clear that Congress is doing a really good job performance.
7. If they don't get raises, they'll take bribes instead: A great point.
8. It costs, like, $45,000 to go to the movies now: Even lowly public servants like Congressmen should be able to afford the simple pleasures in life.

---

Are you convinced that the good people in Congress are getting cheated out of well-deserved raises? If you're not, you should be. Call your representative now and demand he give himself a raise.

Did you say raises or raisins?

 

[toobfreak]

Adding $80,000 to their own annual income will make it a lot easier for them to forget that those paying their salary are still stuck at 2019 income levels!

BTW, if passed, the raises that the House would have voted for themselves would have amounted to an additional 35 million dollars a year tax burden on the American people.

 

[justoffal]

They only worked like 138 days this last year...but still make $174,000 in salary (much more in lobbying kickbacks)

$174,000 for 4.5 months of work.......


Think about it....

Yeah the average work day of an elected congressman:

1.) send staff out for coffee Make sure it's one of the $25 Starbucks coffees!
2.) 15 minutes to read letters from constituents.
Goddamn those constituents They always want something!
3.) Mid morning catered brunch with some wealthy lobbyists..
4.) Brunch is over Time to check out the intern's asses... Both sexes.
5.) Take a few phone calls from the party whip.
6.) Deposit bribery check from lobbyist in a money laundry bank
7.) conjure up some new boomerang bucks legislation.
8.) Time for the afternoon ass checks...... Maybe a couple feel ups!
9.) Good God it's almost 2:00 in the afternoon That makes five long arduous hours of exhausting grift!
10) Get out that congressional credit card for a plush supper at the most expensive restaurant on the block... Intern with the firmest ass gets to come too!