When I was in my twenties, I had occasion in my business to run into this most foul woman, about 350 pounds, who always had a natural sneer on her face, and when engaged in conversation, would show herself as the most self-hating decrepit example of humanity there was...always, always filed with a bile one could only imagine. It came from either some terrible outside abuse or some internalized abuse.
I initially was sympathetic, but, it was vicious, hateful, caustic in a way that causes normal people to wince and wonder,...what, in some tragic prior life, went wrong with that person? There is some major self loathing going on, and the way they fight it - is to bark at those who get too close to pointing out the self-hatred.
Let's give that person a fictional name - Judy.
I have read Cecile's posts for years now. Every time I read her posts, I think of Judy.