Women who don't want kids...

[Joz]

Wow Joz, I'm sorry also.


As for me, I personally don't want children......

A lot of people tell that I will change my mind, but I don't see it happening. Now, my husband is going to be going to the doctor soon to look into getting a vasectomy to make sure something like that doesn't happen again.

Thank you.

Not wanting children doesn't make you a villian. I commend you on standing by your decision.

Maybe, maybe not.
Glad your hubby has decided to do the birth control. Can be an in-office procedure....or at least out-patient. It's MAJOR surgery for a woman.

 

[brneyedgrl80]

Thanks Joz!

Ya, I've read all about both operations, and even though my husband isn't truly looking forward to it, he agrees that it would be easier and quicker and less painful if he were to get himself... fixed... lol!

I just think some people were born with maternal/paternal instincts while others were not, I being on the "not" side. lol

My mother on the other hand was very maternal. She loved motherhood!

 

[dmp]

Urge is important. And acting on them is the difference between little boys & maturity. Congratulations.

In all fairness though, not 'every' guy who sleeps with a woman - other than to whom he's expressed committment, is doing so out of anything but despiration. Sometimes, occasionally, women break the vows to 'love, honour, and cherrish - and the man seeks the love/attention/intimacy from another, breaking the 'other' vow. Usually, it's the Guy who just can't seem to express non-verbally, his love and desire, however.

 

[Sandy73]

Wow Joz, I'm sorry also.


As for me, I personally don't want children. As far as I know (according to my gyno) I'm perfectly fit and healthy to have them, but I just have never had the desire. There are way too many things I have yet to accomplish in my life where children just don't fit in. As Kathianne knows, I have cats and a husband, for me that is enough of a responsiblity.

I think it is a good thing that you have stood up and faced the decision about motherhood for yourself.. I commend you for that ! I truly believe that some women are not up for the motherhood responsiblity and you should not have to be forced by society ... I think it is wonderful that your husband is standing with you on this issue and doing his part to keep an "oops" from happening ! Good luck on his surgery !

Joz, I am truly sorry for you loss. I hope you will find the peace you deserve and know that he is in a wonderful place !

 

[Moi]

There is a HUGE difference. Women exist, biologically, to be mothers. Men exist, to supply women with the missing part of the puzzle. Men, by nature, aren't 'motherly'. Men, by nature fight the urge to supply as many pieces as they can to as many different women as they can.

Your argument about biology is less than persuasive when it comes to whether or not women "want" to have kids. A car is built to drive, I certainly doubt that it wants to go where I drive it.

In my experience, humans think. They weigh options and can and do decide to go with the best course not necessarily the course most inherent biologically.

I am certainly capable and biologically programmed to murder all my enemies- I don't as I assume reason can also carry the day.

 

[dmp]

Your argument about biology is less than persuasive when it comes to whether or not women "want" to have kids. A car is built to drive, I certainly doubt that it wants to go where I drive it.

In my experience, humans think. They weigh options and can and do decide to go with the best course not necessarily the course most inherent biologically.

I am certainly capable and biologically programmed to murder all my enemies- I don't as I assume reason can also carry the day.

right..because a 'machine' and a 'person' are directly comparable...(note sarcasm)

 

[Joz]

In all fairness though, not 'every' guy who sleeps with a woman - other than to whom he's expressed committment, is doing so out of anything but despiration. Sometimes, occasionally, women break the vows to 'love, honour, and cherrish - and the man seeks the love/attention/intimacy from another, breaking the 'other' vow. Usually, it's the Guy who just can't seem to express non-verbally, his love and desire, however.

I'm not sure I understand your statement. Please elaborate.

I meant that just because a boy grows up, they don't always mature. There are a lot of boys going around masquerading as 'men'. You understand the meaning of love & committment. That's why I congratulated you. Married or not, just because someone has an 'urge', male or female, does not require them to act upon it. That's called maturity.

I'm sorry, but that 'love, honor & cherish' goes both ways. Even so, that doesn't give either party the permission to find intimacy from another. Are you aware that affairs are usually commited because of a lacking in oneself, and not in the other person? Men blame the wife, "she doesn't understand me", which may be true, but he will cheat because of how HE FEELS.

Men express their love in lots of non-verbal ways. Ways that women don't always see. The fact that he climbs out of bed at 5am on a icy morning and goes off to 'slay the dragon' in the bitter cold to provide for his family. The long hours he puts in. Then the woman complains he doesn't spend enough time with her & the family. She can't have it both ways. Sacrifices are a given on both sides when raising a family. But then, a man has more strength than a woman. After a days work he still can still go play ball, go have some 'fun'. Most woman can't do that. Some of that strength could relieve some of the burden a woman has in the home.

 

[dmp]

I'm not sure I understand your statement. Please elaborate.

I meant that just because a boy grows up, they don't always mature. There are a lot of boys going around masquerading as 'men'. You understand the meaning of love & committment. That's why I congratulated you. Married or not, just because someone has an 'urge', male or female, does not require them to act upon it. That's called maturity.

I'm sorry, but that 'love, honor & cherish' goes both ways. Even so, that doesn't give either party the permission to find intimacy from another. Are you aware that affairs are usually commited because of a lacking in oneself, and not in the other person? Men blame the wife, "she doesn't understand me", which may be true, but he will cheat because of how HE FEELS.

Men express their love in lots of non-verbal ways. Ways that women don't always see. The fact that he climbs out of bed at 5am on a icy morning and goes off to 'slay the dragon' in the bitter cold to provide for his family. The long hours he puts in. Then the woman complains he doesn't spend enough time with her & the family. She can't have it both ways. Sacrifices are a given on both sides when raising a family. But then, a man has more strength than a woman. After a days work he still can still go play ball, go have some 'fun'. Most woman can't do that. Some of that strength could relieve some of the burden a woman has in the home.

What I'm saying is a lot of times people are quick to point fingers as to who 'cheated' - when we, as a society, should define 'cheating' as 'breaking (any) vows'. People seem very willing to forgive, say, MY breaking the vows to love, and cherrish my wife - yet would lable HER the 'cheater' if because I expressed no love, or displayed to her that she was cherrished, she found those things in the arms of another. In the end, we'd both be responsible for our actions - for sure. But I could have likely saved her from looking, by keeping up my part of the bargain. What I'm proposing is a shift from "Crucify the person! there's NO excuse for sleeping with/being intimate with (two different things) anyone but your spouse!". We need to realize there 'are' factors which lead to actions. Some of those we can control by living up to our word (the promise to love...cherrish..and junk).

 

[Joz]

What I'm saying is a lot of times people are quick to point fingers as to who 'cheated' - when we, as a society, should define 'cheating' as 'breaking (any) vows'. People seem very willing to forgive, say, MY breaking the vows to love, and cherrish my wife - yet would lable HER the 'cheater' if because I expressed no love, or displayed to her that she was cherrished, she found those things in the arms of another. In the end, we'd both be responsible for our actions - for sure. But I could have likely saved her from looking, by keeping up my part of the bargain. What I'm proposing is a shift from "Crucify the person! there's NO excuse for sleeping with/being intimate with (two different things) anyone but your spouse!". We need to realize there 'are' factors which lead to actions. Some of those we can control by living up to our word (the promise to love...cherrish..and junk).

Well, I'll be.

When I was a young lady sitting in church I remember one particular sermon when the minister said that the "church committed adultery against Christ"......and it hit me. We all know the definition of adultery. But the church doesn't sleep with Christ. One can adulterate their marriage by exactly what you say. Adultery is the breaking of the vows/promises/covenant made.
Paul says that to withold sex from either partner is wrong unless the two of them AGREE on the sabattical to fast & pray. SO many use this as a bargaining tool. An uncle (by marriage) didn't have sex with my aunt for the last 35? years of their marriage. Why? Because it was another way to 'control'. He's dead now. Hmmmmm. Guess I should say 'that's a shame', but he wasn't a nice man. I
I think too, we forget our manners. What happened to please & thank you? Treating the chosen one with the kindness & concern you do to, say, those you work with?
Still, that is no reason to cheat. If that's what you have on your mind, if you find someone else you THINK might be the one for you, excuse yourself from the marriage/relationship/union. Don't add insult to injury.

Sex outside marriage was never an issue in my marriage of 21 years. I am no longer married because of this very thing with my husband......but I don't stand here blameless.

 

[Moi]

right..because a 'machine' and a 'person' are directly comparable...(note sarcasm)

Apparently you didn't get my sarcasm. Your supposed reasoning that women must be lying about not wanting kids because their bodies are capable of having them is the most unpersuasive argument. As humans, and therefore not machines, we have the ability to think (yes, not all humans do though). We do not have to do things just because we are capable of them.

I am capable and built to tear the flesh off a dead cow's bones with my canine teeth...I just CHOOSE not to do so.

 

[ladyzac]

I do want to have kids, but I'm scared of "having" them. I know I sound like a big wuss but I seriously am afraid of the pain. Just imagining what it must feel like makes me feel sick. They will have to totally drug me to get my mind of it! LOL :alco:

 

[Said1]

When I was in my early twenties, I vowed I would never have kids. Then I started to add the "until I'm" to the phrase when I hit 23. I was having a good time, and didn't want the responsibility until I was say 35. I don't plan on having any more, and had my tubes tied shortly after my daughter was born, despite my doctor's warnings about changing my mind later. It's now six years later, and I have no regrets. I must admit, I probably would not have a child now if it wasn't a "surprise", and I would probably still be a big flake too (but that's another story).

 

[Joz]

I do want to have kids, but I'm scared of "having" them. I know I sound like a big wuss but I seriously am afraid of the pain. Just imagining what it must feel like makes me feel sick. They will have to totally drug me to get my mind of it! LOL :alco:

Being scared of "having' them doesn't make you a wuss!! And when you sit in a Dr's office you hear all kinds of horror stories. I've warned my daughter-in-law of this very thing. Dismiss yourself from the conversation. No sense making yourself more stressed than you already are.

As far as the pain of childbirth. I won't lie to you & tell you it doesn't hurt. But you, like every other woman will get thru it. It's funny, but when the actual process begins the Fear Goes Away. AND they have such remarkable medications now. Like the epidural. I have a friend who had one and her labor & delivery was a breeze.
My doctor wouldn't let me have because it was new in the hospital here at the time. When the time comes, you'll be just fine.

 

[Joz]

......., I probably would not have a child now if it wasn't a "surprise", and I would probably still be a big flake too (but that's another story).

I'd say the majority of us here were surprises. And yes, children do change our lifestyle.

 

[Said1]

I'd say the majority of us here were surprises.

I know, I was in my parents wedding photos - although I seem to be concealed by a bouqet of flowers. I wouldn't change how things worked out for me, but it's nice when you see couples planning everything too.

 

[Moi]

I do want to have kids, but I'm scared of "having" them. I know I sound like a big wuss but I seriously am afraid of the pain. Just imagining what it must feel like makes me feel sick. They will have to totally drug me to get my mind of it! LOL :alco:

I had natural childbirth...no epidural. I was also in labor for over a day and had been in labor twice before (they stopped it).

I agre with Joz...I won't say it doesn't hurt. But in my 28 hours, only for the last three did I seriously consider taking drugs...but I kept holding out. Then, all of a sudden, out came my baby and no more really bad pain.

I was showering a few hours later and doing my hair.

 

[Annie]

I know, I was in my parents wedding photos - although I seem to be concealed by a bouqet of flowers. I wouldn't change how things worked out for me, but it's nice when you see couples planning everything too.

Said, I planned EVERYTHING! From the wedding through each pregnancy. To buying up houses and savings for 401K's. It still didn't work out. Don't think you could have done better. I know I'm better off than 10 years ago!

 

[Joz]

I know, I was in my parents wedding photos - although I seem to be concealed by a bouqet of flowers.

Said that way, it's funny. You weren't the first, nor will you be the last!

 

[Joz]

Well, if we're going to exhange war stories:

I went into labor at about 8am Tuesday morning, but didn't know that's what it was. I would get this pain & have to go to the bathroom and then it would go away. Tho't it was something I ate!! Did that 3 times, every half hour. I got up to do laundry. At about 10 am I realized it was a true labor pain. Called my dad to be taken to the hospital & to find where my hubby was working.. Got to the hospital & admitted about 11:30. Aaron was born at 1: 36 pm, 5 1/2 hours.

With the second I went into labor at 11:30pm & had Zachary at 2:57a, 31/2 hours.

 

[Annie]

Well, if we're going to exhange war stories:

I went into labor at about 8am Tuesday morning, but didn't know that's what it was. I would get this pain & have to go to the bathroom and then it would go away. Tho't it was something I ate!! Did that 3 times, every half hour. I got up to do laundry. At about 10 am I realized it was a true labor pain. Called my dad to be taken to the hospital & to find where my hubby was working.. Got to the hospital & admitted about 11:30. Aaron was born at 1: 36 pm, 5 1/2 hours.

With the second I went into labor at 11:30pm & had Zachary at 2:57a, 31/2 hours.

First question? Is anyone pregnant? Second, do we really want to go to pregnancy horror stories, though mine might beat out the fatties for birth control?