(DISCLAIMER: The following narrative is not the narrative of a real person and is for entertainment value only) In summer of '97 I was part of a conspiracy of 4 to smuggle approximately 45 pounds of marijuana from Chihuahua, Mexico through Big Bend National Park and into the United States (before you call the DEA, note that the statue of limitations ran up in 2002, and also note that 45 lbs really isn't much pot.) I didn't touch any actual dope but instead drove the lead car in a two car system designed to get the pot out of the park while one of the 100 mile border checkpoints was unmanned. It was a really, really stupid thing to do, but hey, I was only 20. My financial interest in the operation was a mere 15%, but hey, it was fun, the Mexicans threw a big party for us, bringing sacks of cold beer from the only bar in town, and passing around a folded dollar bill with a pile of cocaine on it and a pocket knife for scooping it into your nose. Ahh, the good ole days! Had we been caught and Newt Gingrich had his way, we would have all been executed. Now - nearly 15 years later, all 4 of us have PhD's - two in physics, one in chemistry, and one in soil science. So FUCK YOU Newt!!!!