When, if ever, is it ok to say "don't do it!"

[Unkotare]

What to Do When a Friend Is in a Bad Relationship - Room for Debate - NYTimes.com


Is there ever an appropriate time or way to tell a friend or family member you think they are making a relationship mistake? Would doing so inevitably end the friendship whether you were right or wrong? Tricky.

 

[AquaAthena]

What to Do When a Friend Is in a Bad Relationship - Room for Debate - NYTimes.com


Is there ever an appropriate time or way to tell a friend or family member you think they are making a relationship mistake? Would doing so inevitably end the friendship whether you were right or wrong? Tricky.

It's a slippery slope and since I try not to give unsolicited advice to anyone, I might ask the person what value they see in the relationship, and depending upon their answer, either pursue it or drop it.

 

[Unkotare]

If you didn't say anything, and your friend jumped into a relationship that ultimately hurt him or her, would you feel you had let them down as a friend?

 

[Mr. H.]

I don't think friends or family often heed such advice anyway.

 

[AquaAthena]

If you didn't say anything, and your friend jumped into a relationship that ultimately hurt him or her, would you feel you had let them down as a friend?

No....just as I assume responsibility for myself, I don't try to deprive others of the same choices. No guilt. No regrets. What is right or wrong for one person, may not be for another.

Lousy choices, lousy life.

 

[Mr. H.]

If I listened to friends and family way back when, I could have saved myself 13 years of grief.

But... I wouldn't have my sons to show for it either!

Sure the ex was a bitch through and through, but the kids are heaven sent and outta sight.

oooh and he grandson... yup. Coming to a theatre near me December 26.

 

[Ropey]

If you didn't say anything, and your friend jumped into a relationship that ultimately hurt him or her, would you feel you had let them down as a friend?

No....just as I assume responsibility for myself, I don't try to deprive others of the same choices. No guilt. No regrets. What is right or wrong for one person, may not be for another.

Lousy choices, lousy life.

This is why you can remain friends with two (or more) sides that are fighting.

 

[hjmick]

Well I'll tell ya... About twenty years ago my best friend, and I have only the one save for my wife, was preparing to marry a gal who was just no good for him, no good for anyone really. She was nuts. A damn basket case. Rudderless, didn't know what she wanted or what she was doing. There was no way the relationship would end well. To this day the women in question is still a confused mess. Forty seven years old and still going to school, letting her mother pay for it and her mortgage. If she finishes this course of study, it will be her third degree. The first was in business, she quit a lucrative job with Exxon. She started working for some sort of interior design crap... The second was a teaching degree. She decided she didn't like teaching. Now it's nursing. We'll see...

Anyway, I spoke up. I told my buddy that marrying my sister would be the biggest mistake of his life.

We're still best friends and I have no regrets.

 

[JakeStarkey]

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

 

[Kooshdakhaa]

What about this...if you knew your friend's new love interest was cheating on him...would you tell him?

 

[Politico]

Nope.

 

[Kooshdakhaa]

Nope.

Why not?

 

[Politico]

Ummm because what you do is none of my business. Unless it directly affects me of course.

 

[Noomi]

What about this...if you knew your friend's new love interest was cheating on him...would you tell him?

Tough one.

No, because its not your relationship, and therefore none of your concern.
Yes, because you couldn't stand by and watch your friend be used in such a way.

I like to think I would say something.

 

[Againsheila]

What about this...if you knew your friend's new love interest was cheating on him...would you tell him?

When I was in high school, I had a friend who was engaged to a real loser. Her father moved out of state partly to get her away from him. She wrote to him all the time, and to me. She always talked about how when she finished high school she'd be back to marry him. Meanwhile, he was openly dating another friend of mine. I told him that if he didn't tell her, I would. Eventually I did. I hated writing that letter, but I believed she had a right to know, it's not like he was hiding it or anything, everybody at school knew what was going on and I didn't want her to hear it from someone who wasn't caring about it.

When I saw her again, she told me how devastating that letter was for her, and how glad she was that I wrote it.

 

[Unkotare]

Ummm because what you do is nnne of my business. Unless it directly affects me of course.

With friends like you...

 

[Michelle420]

When there is inherent danger to the friend

 

[Politico]

With friends like you...

The worlds is a great place yeah I know.

 

[lizzie]

What to Do When a Friend Is in a Bad Relationship - Room for Debate - NYTimes.com


Is there ever an appropriate time or way to tell a friend or family member you think they are making a relationship mistake? Would doing so inevitably end the friendship whether you were right or wrong? Tricky.

I don't try to tell friends or family to stay out of relationships that they choose. I assume that if they are in a relationship, it's because there is something in it that they need, even if I don't understand it. If I think that they are being abused in some way, I may discuss that with them, but I avoid telling them what they should do, or who they should not be involved with.