What would you think...

[Diuretic]

Oh well crap, that changes everything, lol.

Talk to him or dump him, it's pretty easy and basic.

But I still don't see a certain amount of this sort of behavior as some sort of indication he's an abusive, control freak. Particularly if we're talking about KIDS, hello? I mean, have you ever reached over and tweaked someone's tie, or adjusted their collar?

Anyway, if it bugs her so, she should dump him. But please, just say no to hysteria. Not everyone is a monster.

Tweaking a tie or adjusting a collar is merely tidying up - imposing his own moral judgement on someone he is dating is an indicator of a controller. No-one is saying he's a monster. It's just that it appears he may well be a wife beater in the future. No wait, I just contradicted myself. Okay, I'm calling him a potential monster.

 

[eots]

hey he could of been drunk saying come on baby show me yer tits...it really depends on if he is getting any or not...if you guys are doin it ..its controlling..if not he was probably just trying to control himself...

 

[xsited1]

3 weeks..that is the scarey part...and that he would do that in public....perhaps it is just me....but i would already be calling him gone...as in dumpsville...population: him

That's a little extreme IMO. I'd say it's time for a little talk. If that doesn't work out, then send him to dumpsville.

 

[sky dancer]

Dump him.

 

[DavidS]

Something happened last night and I'm not sure what I think of it so I wanted to ask what all of you think.

I was out with my boyfriend last night. We met at church and have only been dating a few weeks. I was wearing a hoodie sweatshirt over a low cut top and had the sweatshirt unzipped to where you could see I was wearing the top underneath. I'm not well endowed in the chest, but it was zipped down far enough to where if I was you would have seen a little cleavage.

So anyway, we were out and at one point he reached over and zipped me up a little and said I was showing too much skin. I didn't think what I was showing was all that daring. It was just like kind playful and cute. At the time I felt embarrassed that he thought I was showing too much. Today I'm feeling like it was kind of presumptuous to reach over and change how my clothes looked.

So... what do you think? Was it too protective or not a big deal? I don't like feeling like I belong to someone to do with as they please, but at the same time it kinda seems sweet. I'm confused.

I honestly don't understand why women have to show cleavage. I mean I understand WHY they do it, so men will look at their breasts, but I don't understand why you want men to look at your breasts if you have clothes on. I mean, ok you have breasts. I personally like smaller breasts and not gigantic melons that will fall down to your knees before you're 30.

Anyway, don't you want a guy to get to know you for you really are and not the size of your bra?

 

[Amanda]

Wow a lot of replies. I didn't think there would be any!

I would like to reply to each of you individually but that would take a long time and most of you said pretty much the same thing that it is/might be too controlling, which was kinda how I felt so that validates that for me.

Just a couple things then...

We weren't at church, we met originally at church. We were at a church youth event at a pizza place.

I'm 18, he's a little bit older. 20 I think. I don't think he's 21.

We aren't sexually active... at least with each other.

I don't want to test him, I'd rather talk. I'm just concerned that he won't take the conversation seriously, most of the time he doesn't act very serious, which is ok most of the time, I just don't know how he'll react and that makes me a little nervous.

I wasn't trying to be like "hey look at my boobs" I just though it looked good cos you could see the color layers and stuff. Like I said, I don't have much to show off so it wasn't like that to me. And it was really cold outside so they had it really warm inside. I felt like it was zipped down to where it was a comfortable temperature.

I was thinking about this situation this afternoon and I don't know if it was control or concern, that's the doubt in my mind. I'm going to see him tonight at church (I must sound like the biggest goodie two shoes) so maybe I'll find a chance to bring it up. I thought about talking with the pastor about it, maybe the youth pastor. Does anyone think that would be a good idea? He would know him better than I would, he's been going there for years.

 

[mattskramer]

Something happened last night and I'm not sure what I think of it so I wanted to ask what all of you think.

I was out with my boyfriend last night. We met at church and have only been dating a few weeks. I was wearing a hoodie sweatshirt over a low cut top and had the sweatshirt unzipped to where you could see I was wearing the top underneath. I'm not well endowed in the chest, but it was zipped down far enough to where if I was you would have seen a little cleavage.

So anyway, we were out and at one point he reached over and zipped me up a little and said I was showing too much skin. I didn't think what I was showing was all that daring. It was just like kind playful and cute. At the time I felt embarrassed that he thought I was showing too much. Today I'm feeling like it was kind of presumptuous to reach over and change how my clothes looked.

So... what do you think? Was it too protective or not a big deal? I don't like feeling like I belong to someone to do with as they please, but at the same time it kinda seems sweet. I'm confused.

In my opinion (Take it with a grain of salt.) you are too sensitive about what people think of you. A little consideration toward others is to be expected (Don’t wear a two-piece bikini to church.) but don’t go overboard and change yourself too much to please others. I don’t know what relationship you have with your boyfriend, but I think that it was a bit presumptuous for him to zip up your clothes. “Thank you for your opinion but I prefer it unzipped a little bit”.

Good luck.

 

[eots]

Wow a lot of replies. I didn't think there would be any!

I would like to reply to each of you individually but that would take a long time and most of you said pretty much the same thing that it is/might be too controlling, which was kinda how I felt so that validates that for me.

Just a couple things then...

We weren't at church, we met originally at church. We were at a church youth event at a pizza place.

I'm 18, he's a little bit older. 20 I think. I don't think he's 21.

We aren't sexually active... at least with each other.

I don't want to test him, I'd rather talk. I'm just concerned that he won't take the conversation seriously, most of the time he doesn't act very serious, which is ok most of the time, I just don't know how he'll react and that makes me a little nervous.

I wasn't trying to be like "hey look at my boobs" I just though it looked good cos you could see the color layers and stuff. Like I said, I don't have much to show off so it wasn't like that to me. And it was really cold outside so they had it really warm inside. I felt like it was zipped down to where it was a comfortable temperature.

I was thinking about this situation this afternoon and I don't know if it was control or concern, that's the doubt in my mind. I'm going to see him tonight at church (I must sound like the biggest goodie two shoes) so maybe I'll find a chance to bring it up. I thought about talking with the pastor about it, maybe the youth pastor. Does anyone think that would be a good idea? He would know him better than I would, he's been going there for years.

it was perhaps a little clumsy...but the more you fill in the story the more convinced I am he was trying to keep his own desires in check ..than a put down or attempt to control you...

 

[xsited1]

...
I was thinking about this situation this afternoon and I don't know if it was control or concern, that's the doubt in my mind. I'm going to see him tonight at church (I must sound like the biggest goodie two shoes) so maybe I'll find a chance to bring it up. I thought about talking with the pastor about it, maybe the youth pastor. Does anyone think that would be a good idea? He would know him better than I would, he's been going there for years.

Yes.

 

[mattskramer]

Yes.

I suppose.

 

[Amanda]

A good time didn't really come up. I'm going to try again Wednesday. If that doesn't work I'll jut have to do it over the phone.

 

[Amanda]

I thought I should probably give an update for anyone that cares.

I talked with both the main pastor and the youth pastor and they convinced me he was probably just trying to be protective of me and that I should talk to him about how it made me feel which seemed pretty progressive that they thought I should bring up how it made me feel like a possession and to stand up for myself. So... I finally did talk to him and it went pretty well. It had a couple awkward parts but it all ended well. I'm glad he doesn't really know my past so much or he'd never let me that my coat off. LOL.

I'm thinking of asking him to drive out to my parents on Christmas, what do you guys think of that? We'd have to spend the night out there and I'm sure there would be separate rooms, but still I don't know if it would be wise. I'd appreciate well reasoned opinions.

 

[PoliticalChic]

I thought I should probably give an update for anyone that cares.

I talked with both the main pastor and the youth pastor and they convinced me he was probably just trying to be protective of me and that I should talk to him about how it made me feel which seemed pretty progressive that they thought I should bring up how it made me feel like a possession and to stand up for myself. So... I finally did talk to him and it went pretty well. It had a couple awkward parts but it all ended well. I'm glad he doesn't really know my past so much or he'd never let me that my coat off. LOL.

I'm thinking of asking him to drive out to my parents on Christmas, what do you guys think of that? We'd have to spend the night out there and I'm sure there would be separate rooms, but still I don't know if it would be wise. I'd appreciate well reasoned opinions.

I'm glad it didn't turn out too badly. Thanks for the update.

I don't think it is a bad idea as long as you guys think you can trust yourselves. Obviously, from what I heard, it would be way too early to get involved.

 

[eots]

I thought I should probably give an update for anyone that cares.

I talked with both the main pastor and the youth pastor and they convinced me he was probably just trying to be protective of me and that I should talk to him about how it made me feel which seemed pretty progressive that they thought I should bring up how it made me feel like a possession and to stand up for myself. So... I finally did talk to him and it went pretty well. It had a couple awkward parts but it all ended well. I'm glad he doesn't really know my past so much or he'd never let me that my coat off. LOL.

I'm thinking of asking him to drive out to my parents on Christmas, what do you guys think of that? We'd have to spend the night out there and I'm sure there would be separate rooms, but still I don't know if it would be wise. I'd appreciate well reasoned opinions.

I think your going to sleep with him really soon..it is very difficult putting the genie back in the bottle....be gentle with him and try to still respect him in the morning is all I ask....

 

[glockmail]

Something happened last night and I'm not sure what I think of it so I wanted to ask what all of you think.

I was out with my boyfriend last night. We met at church and have only been dating a few weeks. I was wearing a hoodie sweatshirt over a low cut top and had the sweatshirt unzipped to where you could see I was wearing the top underneath. I'm not well endowed in the chest, but it was zipped down far enough to where if I was you would have seen a little cleavage.

So anyway, we were out and at one point he reached over and zipped me up a little and said I was showing too much skin. I didn't think what I was showing was all that daring. It was just like kind playful and cute. At the time I felt embarrassed that he thought I was showing too much. Today I'm feeling like it was kind of presumptuous to reach over and change how my clothes looked.

So... what do you think? Was it too protective or not a big deal? I don't like feeling like I belong to someone to do with as they please, but at the same time it kinda seems sweet. I'm confused.

On one hand he's trying to be respectful by keeping you covered in a public situation, yet on the other he's being disrespectful of your personal space. Obviously he should have handled it more tactfully. Now that he's had some time to think about it, I suggest that you call him up, and after a few minutes of small talk, tell him that you felt awkward about it and ask him how he would handle the situation differently. If his answer is unsatisfactory, or worse, he hasn't thought about it, then consider ending the relationship.

 

[WillowTree]

I may have a somewhat biased view, having spent time working with battered/abused women in a shelter...

...I would take that sort of action that early in a relationship as a sign of control and predict that it would grow more pronounced over time. I suggest you wear your top like you want, and the next time he zips it up, zip it back down and tell him you prefer it that way. If he shows any signs of anger, I'd run away from that relationship if I were you.

nailed it!

 

[WillowTree]

Here's the other thing that's a real fact.. The more you ask "what should I do" and the more people like us tell you to run???? It's been my experience you will run "toward" not "away" from him.. so you need to make your own decision.. listen to you gut not your heart.. what does you gut tell you?

 

[xsited1]

I thought I should probably give an update for anyone that cares.

I talked with both the main pastor and the youth pastor and they convinced me he was probably just trying to be protective of me and that I should talk to him about how it made me feel which seemed pretty progressive that they thought I should bring up how it made me feel like a possession and to stand up for myself. So... I finally did talk to him and it went pretty well. It had a couple awkward parts but it all ended well. I'm glad he doesn't really know my past so much or he'd never let me that my coat off. LOL.

I'm thinking of asking him to drive out to my parents on Christmas, what do you guys think of that? We'd have to spend the night out there and I'm sure there would be separate rooms, but still I don't know if it would be wise. I'd appreciate well reasoned opinions.

Hmmm. Is he real religious and perhaps a Virginian ? If so, he might freak when he finds out about your past.

In any case, I don't see any harm in spending more time with him.

 

[Shogun]

English Tract List

 

[glockmail]

I thought I should probably give an update for anyone that cares.

.....

Oops, looks like old glock was slow on the uptake here. He did, however, get it right.

Of course do the Christmas thing with the fam. Your old man needs to check him out.