Boomerang Parents

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by Annie, Nov 30, 2008.

  1. Annie
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    Annie Diamond Member

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    NYT had an article about more men being caretakers for elderly parents, now I've just run across this:


    Caring.com

    My folks had moved to FL after my mom suffered a stroke in 1995. In 2000 they came here for my son's graduation from middle school and daughter's from HS. My mom fell and broke her hip, from that time on she and my dad lived mostly with me, (for about 4 months while doing pt and actually beginning to walk again she lived with my brother's family as they have a ranch home. Then her hip broke again, that's when they moved in here.) I was lucky that my folks had enough money to have 24 hour nursing for my mom and that we finally found one caretaker willing to move in, rather than rotating 3.

    I wouldn't say it was 'easy', even with the help. Hospital bed in living room and wheel chair on carpeting took a toll on my house. It's very difficult watching someone who was quite brilliant, slowly losing control of things once taken for granted. I can honestly say though, I'm glad we were able to keep her home until the last year, multiple TIA's and advanced osteoporosis made her too fragile. My dad lived with us until he died a year ago.

    My folks had let my then husband and I live with them for about 3 months before we moved into our first house. When I divorced, my kids and I lived with them for over a year, indeed we stayed there for a while when they moved to FL. My brother and his wife lived with them when they built their first home. There was no question that when we needed them, they were there, so the time came to return the favor. While concerned at the time of what the toll on my kids was, I came to realize they gained understanding and patience that may never have developed if not caring for others.

    Anyone else ever care for aging parents or fear that the time may be coming?
     
  2. PoliticalChic
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    PoliticalChic Diamond Member

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    My parents haven't reached that point yet. I don't know if my husband or I can handle them living with us 24/7. It was one thing living with them as a child, but it's another having 2 households under one roof. I might be able to handle having them a few houses away from me. I love them, but I love them much more away from me.

    I know some people who think putting their parents into a nursing home is cruel, but there are many folks out there who need 24/7 care and may not be able to afford all day/all night nursing care.

    I know siblings fight about this too because they want to share in the responsiblity. It is sad because I personally know two families that gripe because one sibling refuse to help out with things like bringing the parent to the doctors office etc. I hope things won't be like that in my house, but I assume that most of the responsiblity will be mine because I've always been more family oriented.

    There are many assisted living homes near me. That might be a good compromise for those needing good care for the parents, but don't have the time and effort that are necessary.
     
  3. strollingbones
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    strollingbones Diamond Member

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    my mother is up there and her memory is going fast....but she insists on living alone and still seems to be doing okay...i live 4 hours away and have begged her to move closer ...she refuses....so yes i fear the day i must force her hand....


    my man's parents are both doing very well...his grandmother just had her 100th birthday but they are all old and grumpie..he has this allusion that his sister will help out with the parents....i am not sure why since each time they were in the hospital it was us going there and taking care of them...she was busy...i am an only child so i dont get that sibling thing
     
  4. Annie
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    Annie Diamond Member

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