Water-Pistol Market: Urban Crow [Satanic Cinema]

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by Abishai100, Sep 23, 2018.

  1. Abishai100

    Abishai100 VIP Member

    Sep 22, 2013
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    It does seem that commerce and consumerism/media can make for intriguing 'arcade folk-tales.'

    This final yarn of mine was inspired by Batman: Year One, Toys, and Child's Play.

    By the way, I don't mind harsh critiques...as long as you read my little 'fan-fics'!


    Signing off (cheers),



    The new city was dark and brooding and filled with cynicism. In this environment of subtle darkness, two serial killers in masks rose to prominence, and they were more eerie than Ted Bundy or Jack the Ripper. Their names were Tiger and Leatherface!


    Tiger was an animalia-mask wearing psycho who wielded an electric stun-gun which he used to zap cops in the eyes, instantly killing them. Tiger was being pursued by the FBI but there were no real leads since he operated with great stealth late at night and avoided detection since he killed cops in alleys.


    Leatherface was a horror-film copycat killer who wore a mask made out of real skin and wore a suit-and-tie as well and wielded a chainsaw which he used to buzz cop-cars in half before killing them with a silencer-pistol. Leatherface killed 10 cops who were in parked cop-cars before being arrested and is currently detained in Arkham Asylum, America's top center for the criminally-insane. However, Tiger helped Leatherface escape from Arkham...on Devil's Night, the night before Halloween.


    Tiger and Leatherface teamed up and sent a notice to the NY Post, which read, "We are the 'Dangerous Duo' and we intend to kidnap the First Lady and hold her for ransom and use her visage to market images of women in Eastern clothing/veils to remind the world that Western women are more frail than the veiled women of Islam. We are Satanic crusaders." The FBI was shocked and wondered who could stop these two new age freaks.


    A vigilante took up the challenge of taking down Tiger and Leatherface. He was an Ivy League assistant-professor named Eric, and he painted his face like a clown and wore a leather coat and carried tranquilizer-darts and water-pistols. Eric intended to stalk Tiger and Leatherface before cornering them to shoot them in the eyes with his water-pistols before tranquilizing them with his sedative-tipped darts. You see, Eric believed he was a 'savior' of the new age and called himself 'the Crow.'


    After the Crow (Eric) miraculously managed to apprehend and bring Tiger and Leatherface to Arkham Asylum, he gave an interview with TIME magazine in which he explained his motivations, methodology, and metaphysics of wielding water-pistols.

    ERIC: "You see, my water-pistols are simply spiritual Christian weapons which I used to shoot Tiger and Leatherface in the eyes to unnerve them, since the two ghouls used electric-stun guns and silencer-pistols like lasers. I then sedated the two Satanists and hauled them off to Arkham. The water-pistols I kept as souvenirs of my fantastic triumph."


    The Crow became a subculture legend, and young people went crazy for him. Brett Ratner even made a film about him, with movie-star Leo DiCaprio portraying the Crow (Eric) and doing it rather well. DiCaprio's portrayal gave his career a great boost, and critics said this was the most exciting role for DiCaprio since portraying Amsterdam Vallon in Martin Scorsese's Gangs of New York. DiCaprio said in an interview, "I just want to cite/market the Crow's water-pistols for my new water-pollution campaign for my eco-activist organization the Leonardo DiCaprio Foundation!"


    TRUMP: I really like the Crow.
    CARTER: Yes, the DiCaprio film has become popular...
    TRUMP: There's something special about vigilance in entertainment!
    CARTER: DiCaprio's hyped the Crow's water-pistols.
    TRUMP: Water-guns are popular toys during the summer-months...consumerism 'tokens.'
    CARTER: Yes, commerce and media can elevate toys to anthropological value.
    TRUMP: Sure; remember Pez?
    CARTER: Hail to socialized folklore.



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