Lord Long Rod
Diamond Member
- Jan 17, 2023
- 7,706
- 8,122
- 2,138
- Banned
- #1
I was sitting at the counter and sipping coffee one morning at around 4:00 a.m. at Wendigo Waffle Shack when I felt a presence move close to me on the right. I turned my head just a bit and noticed that someone was taking the stool at the counter next to me. I turned further to say hello, then noticed it were a woman. “Good Mornin’, Ma’am”, I said. She smiled and said, “Well now, I do declare, if it isn’t Mr. Lou Skunt!”
I was taken aback by her recognition of me. I looked at her just a little closer, but could not place who she is. Then I said, “Um, sorry ma’am, but you seem to have the upper hand here. You know me but I am not sure if’n I knowd you.” She then laughed lightheartedly, through her head back, causing her auburn mane to swirl. She said, Oh, Lou, you KNOW who I am!”
But I really did not know who I was looking at. She looked kinda vaguely familiar in a way, I guess. Was this some dumb whoowah I banged out in the parking lot one night at the Sasquatch Tavern? It could be. But one thing is clear, the way she was twanging her voice and throwing her hair around could only mean one thang: This here little lady was in HEAT!!
Now, she twere not that good lookin’, and she looked to be bout 160lbs. She weren’t young. But when ya got a yawning vagina lookin ya in the face, ya either got to take advantage of the situation or you go sit in the corner alone and sip a Bud Light. Not being a light beer fan, I decided to set the hook in this one!
I leaned over to this sweet lil thang and put my smoothest moves on her. “Hey darlin, you wanna fuck?”, I asked. Women like it when you are direct with them like this. After a moment the lil lass said, “Where can we go?” I looked around to see if anyone was listening, then told her, “I got a big old backseat in my F-150 parked outside. She grinned widely, telling me that I were about to get this here lil lady’s love honey all over my sweet meat!!
A few minutes and later she was on all fours on the back seat of my truck while I was banging her from behind. Oddly, she said she can only take my stump in her rump. I assumed she was bleeding and obliged her with a little of the old Fanny Fandango! Well sir, it was gittin all hot and heavy there in my pickup truck. The windows had fogged up. I could tell I wasn’t gonna last ferever. So decided to do her a solid.
I reached around with my right hand to explore her nethers. I figured, hell, I will rub her tic tac to help her git off since she cannot take it in the poon today. It were the least I could do. That’s when thangs started going sideways. Somethang were thar, where her vag hole is. It was long and hard too. The first thought to strike me is that maybe this lil lady had a snake crawlin outa her twat. “Motherfucker!!”, I exclaimed to the thought of her being subjected to a reptilian attack, especially at this here intimate time.
I tried to rip that thar critter outa her cock hole with a sharp, quick yank. See, ya gotta hit them scaly fuckers quick like, so they don’t have time to get thar fangs in ya. But as soon as I dun did this, the lil lady I was a’bangin’ let out a cry of pain. “OH SHIT FIRE!!! THAT DAMNED OLD SERPANT DONE DID UP AND BITE HER ON THE COOZE!!!!”, I thought. I told my darlin to just relax. I would take care of it.
I pulled my tallywacker out of her old black box and rolled her over onto her back. With my mouth wide open in pure pacman mode, I dove down onto her nethers with the intent of sucking out the venom and saving this here gal’s life. But before, I could git to the wound site, that goddamned snake done jumped up in my mouth!! I thought “GOOD LORD!! THIS DAMNED OLD SERPANT FRUM HELL WAS GONNA BITE ME TOO!!!” I yanked that thang outa my mouth. That poor ole gal I wuz with was moaning in agony! I had to git to the bite area or else this here girl wuz gonna die! I went down again!! But that damned old snake was still in the woman’s pussy shoot! She was gittin after it now too. She dun grabbed it in her right hand just below the thang’s head and were a’tuggin’ and battling it.
Then it hit me. What in the hell was I doin? I had my old pocket knife in my pocket. So I pulled it out, exposed the blade, and went to town on it. I grabbed that damned old snake outa her hand and started slicing it where it looked like it entered the cooch. Unfortunately, my old knife were more dull than a Democrat dingbat in Congress. Therefore, I had to REALLY start sawing on that thar sumbitch in earnest. Right bout then my lil lady started screaming bloody murder. I thought, “OH shit! She am dying!! I cain’t have ANOTHER chick die in this here truck!!! Them damned old county mounties already are getting suspicious after the last couple. I HAD to save this here chicken head’s life.
With one good yank on the knife I sliced right through that damned old serpent! Blood shot upward like a gushing geyser! But that was only short lived. I figured that old snake done ripped her cooter hole apart, in addition to this being her monthly visit from the Red Tide. Long story short, thar were blood everwhere.
I held out the severed snake in my hand to my sweetheart and said, “Look, honey!! I dun got it!!!” But she did not respond. She was unconscious. I figured all the loss of blood probably did it to her. As I was trying to figure out in my head where I was gonna drop her off (e.g., county ER, old Dr. McKinney’s office, swamp, Mothman Creek, etc…), I heard a loud banging on the truck winder behind me. I turned and, in complete horror and disbelief, saw that it were the local fuzz. “Aww shit!”, I dun did sed.
I turned in my seat and opened the door. Now, kind and gentle reader, you must understand that what I just told you is exactly 100% what I sincerely believe took place. Like I dun sed, it were early in the morning, the sun had not come up, and I wuz busy thumping twat on this here little lady in the back seat of my Ford. The fact is, I had no idea of how this was going to look to the cops.
As soon as I opened the truck door and the light from the cops’ flashlights hit us, those pigs drew thar weapons, pointed them at ME, demanded me to place my hands on my head. I will skip over what happened next. It is not important and the details are needlessly violent and salacious. The short version is that the police yanked me outa my truck, beat me mercilessly, and then cuffed and stuffed me in their cruiser. I sat thar for a long time, drifting in and out of consciousness. Then the strangest thang ever did happen.
Them two punk cops grabbed me outa the squad car, took off my handcuffs, and leaned me up against my truck. They both apologized to me. One of then sed to me “We are with YOU brother! We got to put a stop to these trannies, queers and freaks trying to take over our country. You did the right thing!”
They let me go after that. I don’t know what the fuck they were talkin about. I looked in the back seat and saw that the chick was gone. All the blood and splatter had been cleaned up. I smelled some kind of antiseptic too. I figured that those nice policemen must had seen thar error, cleaned up my truck fer me, and got the little lass safely off to the hospital.
I thought to myself, “I wish I had got her dadgum name! She weren’t a half bad fuck.”
I was taken aback by her recognition of me. I looked at her just a little closer, but could not place who she is. Then I said, “Um, sorry ma’am, but you seem to have the upper hand here. You know me but I am not sure if’n I knowd you.” She then laughed lightheartedly, through her head back, causing her auburn mane to swirl. She said, Oh, Lou, you KNOW who I am!”
But I really did not know who I was looking at. She looked kinda vaguely familiar in a way, I guess. Was this some dumb whoowah I banged out in the parking lot one night at the Sasquatch Tavern? It could be. But one thing is clear, the way she was twanging her voice and throwing her hair around could only mean one thang: This here little lady was in HEAT!!
Now, she twere not that good lookin’, and she looked to be bout 160lbs. She weren’t young. But when ya got a yawning vagina lookin ya in the face, ya either got to take advantage of the situation or you go sit in the corner alone and sip a Bud Light. Not being a light beer fan, I decided to set the hook in this one!
I leaned over to this sweet lil thang and put my smoothest moves on her. “Hey darlin, you wanna fuck?”, I asked. Women like it when you are direct with them like this. After a moment the lil lass said, “Where can we go?” I looked around to see if anyone was listening, then told her, “I got a big old backseat in my F-150 parked outside. She grinned widely, telling me that I were about to get this here lil lady’s love honey all over my sweet meat!!
A few minutes and later she was on all fours on the back seat of my truck while I was banging her from behind. Oddly, she said she can only take my stump in her rump. I assumed she was bleeding and obliged her with a little of the old Fanny Fandango! Well sir, it was gittin all hot and heavy there in my pickup truck. The windows had fogged up. I could tell I wasn’t gonna last ferever. So decided to do her a solid.
I reached around with my right hand to explore her nethers. I figured, hell, I will rub her tic tac to help her git off since she cannot take it in the poon today. It were the least I could do. That’s when thangs started going sideways. Somethang were thar, where her vag hole is. It was long and hard too. The first thought to strike me is that maybe this lil lady had a snake crawlin outa her twat. “Motherfucker!!”, I exclaimed to the thought of her being subjected to a reptilian attack, especially at this here intimate time.
I tried to rip that thar critter outa her cock hole with a sharp, quick yank. See, ya gotta hit them scaly fuckers quick like, so they don’t have time to get thar fangs in ya. But as soon as I dun did this, the lil lady I was a’bangin’ let out a cry of pain. “OH SHIT FIRE!!! THAT DAMNED OLD SERPANT DONE DID UP AND BITE HER ON THE COOZE!!!!”, I thought. I told my darlin to just relax. I would take care of it.
I pulled my tallywacker out of her old black box and rolled her over onto her back. With my mouth wide open in pure pacman mode, I dove down onto her nethers with the intent of sucking out the venom and saving this here gal’s life. But before, I could git to the wound site, that goddamned snake done jumped up in my mouth!! I thought “GOOD LORD!! THIS DAMNED OLD SERPANT FRUM HELL WAS GONNA BITE ME TOO!!!” I yanked that thang outa my mouth. That poor ole gal I wuz with was moaning in agony! I had to git to the bite area or else this here girl wuz gonna die! I went down again!! But that damned old snake was still in the woman’s pussy shoot! She was gittin after it now too. She dun grabbed it in her right hand just below the thang’s head and were a’tuggin’ and battling it.
Then it hit me. What in the hell was I doin? I had my old pocket knife in my pocket. So I pulled it out, exposed the blade, and went to town on it. I grabbed that damned old snake outa her hand and started slicing it where it looked like it entered the cooch. Unfortunately, my old knife were more dull than a Democrat dingbat in Congress. Therefore, I had to REALLY start sawing on that thar sumbitch in earnest. Right bout then my lil lady started screaming bloody murder. I thought, “OH shit! She am dying!! I cain’t have ANOTHER chick die in this here truck!!! Them damned old county mounties already are getting suspicious after the last couple. I HAD to save this here chicken head’s life.
With one good yank on the knife I sliced right through that damned old serpent! Blood shot upward like a gushing geyser! But that was only short lived. I figured that old snake done ripped her cooter hole apart, in addition to this being her monthly visit from the Red Tide. Long story short, thar were blood everwhere.
I held out the severed snake in my hand to my sweetheart and said, “Look, honey!! I dun got it!!!” But she did not respond. She was unconscious. I figured all the loss of blood probably did it to her. As I was trying to figure out in my head where I was gonna drop her off (e.g., county ER, old Dr. McKinney’s office, swamp, Mothman Creek, etc…), I heard a loud banging on the truck winder behind me. I turned and, in complete horror and disbelief, saw that it were the local fuzz. “Aww shit!”, I dun did sed.
I turned in my seat and opened the door. Now, kind and gentle reader, you must understand that what I just told you is exactly 100% what I sincerely believe took place. Like I dun sed, it were early in the morning, the sun had not come up, and I wuz busy thumping twat on this here little lady in the back seat of my Ford. The fact is, I had no idea of how this was going to look to the cops.
As soon as I opened the truck door and the light from the cops’ flashlights hit us, those pigs drew thar weapons, pointed them at ME, demanded me to place my hands on my head. I will skip over what happened next. It is not important and the details are needlessly violent and salacious. The short version is that the police yanked me outa my truck, beat me mercilessly, and then cuffed and stuffed me in their cruiser. I sat thar for a long time, drifting in and out of consciousness. Then the strangest thang ever did happen.
Them two punk cops grabbed me outa the squad car, took off my handcuffs, and leaned me up against my truck. They both apologized to me. One of then sed to me “We are with YOU brother! We got to put a stop to these trannies, queers and freaks trying to take over our country. You did the right thing!”
They let me go after that. I don’t know what the fuck they were talkin about. I looked in the back seat and saw that the chick was gone. All the blood and splatter had been cleaned up. I smelled some kind of antiseptic too. I figured that those nice policemen must had seen thar error, cleaned up my truck fer me, and got the little lass safely off to the hospital.
I thought to myself, “I wish I had got her dadgum name! She weren’t a half bad fuck.”
