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Actually, BDSM was in a hay-day during the time Gunny mentioned, so it is true. It's no longer as popular, many seeing it for the abuse that it is thankfully.
Actually, BDSM was in a hay-day during the time Gunny mentioned, so it is true. It's no longer as popular, many seeing it for the abuse that it is thankfully.
It's not abuse if you like it! Where I come from someone asking to be spanked is not being abused. A battered wife is abused. Let's not compare the two. Just because someone likes to be spanked during sex does not mean they condone getting their ass kicked because dinner was cold. Jeez. And you may want to check out a porn store. It's probably the most popular "specialty" category in the store aside from gay sex.
There is a problem with that "asking and it's not abuse", we have seen that many who are abused regularly WILL ask for the abuse, simply because they equate it with love, which is the reason most people are now against BDSM.
Unless all those involved are EXTREMELY stable mentally and have no history of abuse in the family, it's too much a risk to take.
First thing you learn when getting help as an abused person, you have to break the cycle, you have to stop seeking out that abuse you are use to.
There is a problem with that "asking and it's not abuse", we have seen that many who are abused regularly WILL ask for the abuse, simply because they equate it with love, which is the reason most people are now against BDSM. Unless all those involved are EXTREMELY stable mentally and have no history of abuse in the family, it's too much a risk to take. First thing you learn when getting help as an abused person, you have to break the cycle, you have to stop seeking out that abuse you are use to. It's like people who sleep on the floor for several years, then switch to a really soft mattress, same concept, abuse becomes the comfort zone.
There is a problem with that "asking and it's not abuse", we have seen that many who are abused regularly WILL ask for the abuse, simply because they equate it with love, which is the reason most people are now against BDSM.
What does that even mean? Most people are "against it"? Do they want it banned? Or do they just not like it? Those are two far different things. And the first part has nothing to do with S&M.
Unless all those involved are EXTREMELY stable mentally and have no history of abuse in the family, it's too much a risk to take.
And how do you propose the government determine this? An S&M license?
First thing you learn when getting help as an abused person, you have to break the cycle, you have to stop seeking out that abuse you are use to.
That's all well and good for people who are actually being abused. But it doesn't apply at all to people who just enjoy S&M.
There is a problem with that "asking and it's not abuse", we have seen that many who are abused regularly WILL ask for the abuse, simply because they equate it with love, which is the reason most people are now against BDSM. Unless all those involved are EXTREMELY stable mentally and have no history of abuse in the family, it's too much a risk to take. First thing you learn when getting help as an abused person, you have to break the cycle, you have to stop seeking out that abuse you are use to. It's like people who sleep on the floor for several years, then switch to a really soft mattress, same concept, abuse becomes the comfort zone.
I totally understand what you are saying. However, speaking as someone that has been there, done that, for some people, it is a way of reinventing the abuse they suffered, where they can write an alternate ending that is healthier than the way things ended when they were kids.
My parents were big on hitting us. My brother and I got hit most weeks, often in the face. I walked around a few times with handprints on my face where my mom had slapped me hard enough to leave a bruise. No one ever asked why. I thought it was normal. I thought all kids were hit with switches, wooden spoons, hands, spatulas, hangers, and belts. That's how my parents were raised, and that's how they raised us. Our home was very high in terms of the level of violence directed at the kids, and the level of hostility between our parents.
Even when I was working, for years, with abused kids, I didn't realize that my upbringing was abnormal. It literally took me 20 years to work this shit out inside of my head.
I will say that, personally, I don't think that a spanking now and then is damaging. I do think that people who have a sexual need to be humiliated and degraded, though, probably have issues in their upbringing that they need to deal with.
I don't hit my kids. My parents cured me of the idea that it was effective parenting. There are literally dozens of possible responses when your children break the rules. Hitting is the least effective in almost every scenario, based upon research, with the exception of a minimal smack on the butt to a 2-year-old who is simply out of control.
The detrimental impact of hitting your children, especially after the toddler years, is really long-lasting, and it comes out in ways that we really don't understand. Reading the study that I linked for Rodishi really impacted me, because I fell into the most high-risk category as a result of my upbringing, and I definitely see a correlation looking back over the last 40+ years of my life.
KittenKoder said:3. People can think they enjoy something even when it hurts them, so that is just a stupid assumption on your part.
Seems you know little about what it's like to be abused or you were just lucky enough to be one of the few who didn't fall into the cycle.
KittenKoder said:3. People can think they enjoy something even when it hurts them, so that is just a stupid assumption on your part.
What is a stupid assumption? I'm afraid I didn't quite follow you here.
Seems you know little about what it's like to be abused or you were just lucky enough to be one of the few who didn't fall into the cycle.
Or maybe I just know what abuse really is and what it's clearly not.
KittenKoder said:3. People can think they enjoy something even when it hurts them, so that is just a stupid assumption on your part.
What is a stupid assumption? I'm afraid I didn't quite follow you here.
Seems you know little about what it's like to be abused or you were just lucky enough to be one of the few who didn't fall into the cycle.
Or maybe I just know what abuse really is and what it's clearly not.
Begs the question: have you lived with abuse ... ever?
Have you had your whole existence taken down to the level of being nothing more than an object by anyone, especially your own parent(s)? Have you ever been told every day that you "asked for this"? That's abuse, all abuse is based on these principles, whether it's physical, mental, medical, religious, sexual, or any other form. If you have not then you do not know what abuse really is.
Begs the question: have you lived with abuse ... ever?
Your avatar has a really high creep factor..
Begs the question: have you lived with abuse ... ever?
Have you had your whole existence taken down to the level of being nothing more than an object by anyone, especially your own parent(s)? Have you ever been told every day that you "asked for this"? That's abuse, all abuse is based on these principles, whether it's physical, mental, medical, religious, sexual, or any other form. If you have not then you do not know what abuse really is.
I get it, Kitten. But an occasional smack on the ass during sex does not equal abuse. It just doesn't. Nor does a bite on the nape of the neck.
mmmm.
Okay, starting to get distracted now, must refocus on work.
Begs the question: have you lived with abuse ... ever?
Yes. And just like someone who has actually been the victim of racism or sexual assault I find it a tad insulting when people call something "abuse" when it's quite clearly not. It cheapens the actual abuse. Some people get turned on sexually by a little hair pulling, spanking or whatever. That's 180 degress from "abuse".
Oh, and if you think BDSM is really just "a little hair pulling" then you REALLY have no idea what we are talking about.