The Cycle of Abuse

Discussion in 'Health and Lifestyle' started by AllieBaba, Jan 20, 2011.

  1. AllieBaba
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    AllieBaba BANNED

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    You can thank Gay Biker for this thread...

    "Incident

    Any type of abuse occurs (physical/sexual/emotional)
    Tension Building


    Abuser starts to get angry
    Abuse may begin
    There is a breakdown of communication
    Victim feels the need to keep the abuser calm
    Tension becomes too much
    Victim feels like they are 'walking on egg shells'
    Making-Up


    Abuser may apologize for abuse
    Abuser may promise it will never happen again
    Abuser may blame the victim for causing the abuse
    Abuser may deny abuse took place or say it was not as bad as the victim claims

    Calm


    Abuser acts like the abuse never happened
    Physical abuse may not be taking place
    Promises made during 'making-up' may be met
    Victim may hope that the abuse is over
    Abuser may give gifts to victim"

    Cycle Of Violence - Domestic Violence

    Definition

    Domestic violence and emotional abuse are behaviors used by one person in a relationship to control the other. Partners may be married or not married; heterosexual, gay, or lesbian; living together, separated or dating.


    Examples of abuse include:


    name-calling or putdowns
    keeping a partner from contacting their family or friends
    withholding money
    stopping a partner from getting or keeping a job
    actual or threatened physical harm
    sexual assault
    stalking
    intimidation
    Violence can be criminal and includes physical assault (hitting, pushing, shoving, etc.), sexual abuse (unwanted or forced sexual activity), and stalking. Although emotional, psychological and financial abuse are not criminal behaviors, they are forms of abuse and can lead to criminal violence.


    The violence takes many forms and can happen all the time or once in a while. An important step to help yourself or someone you know in preventing or stopping violence is recognizing the warning signs listed on the "Violence Wheel."

    ANYONE CAN BE A VICTIM! Victims can be of any age, sex, race, culture, religion, education, employment or marital status. Although both men and women can be abused, most victims are women. Children in homes where there is domestic violence are more likely to be abused and/or neglected. Most children in these homes know about the violence. Even if a child is not physically harmed, they may have emotional and behavior problems.

    If you are being abused, REMEMBER


    You are not alone
    It is not your fault
    Help is available
     
  2. Madeline
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    Madeline BANNED

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    That was a terrific post, Allie.

    Thankies.
     
  3. AllieBaba
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    Welcome!

    I tend to think everybody knows all about DV because in my field, we're all immersed in it all the time...but there are lots of people who really don't know much about it, and who have all sorts of misconceptions about it.

    I interviewed a police chief who was retiring after a couple of decades and I asked him about the one thing he learned during his tenure that took him by surprise...he said he was walking away from that job with one primary thing...an understanding that women who are abused and stay in abusive relationships have no easy choices, and often staying in an abusive relationship IS the only choice they have. He said he always thought "if somebody abuses you, you just leave..." but after years of going on DV calls and seeing the way it works, he learned it's not easy to leave, these women have a lot to lose, including their children and their lives, and they have many, many reasons for staying in those relationships and/or returning to them.
     
  4. peach174
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    peach174 Gold Member Gold Supporting Member Supporting Member

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    I was abused by my first husband but I took the bull by the horns and got a divorce from him and made him pay for the divorce to boot.
    Be it a man or a woman that is abusing you, you must realize that they never ever did love you, or they would have never treated you that way. You must get out of that relationship and realize that someone out there is really for you,one who really truly loves you.
    I found mine and we have been married for 27 yrs.
     
  5. AllieBaba
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    Sometimes it's very, very complicated, there are children involved, other friends and relatives, or the abused person is so afraid that they feel safer where they can see their abuser, rather than leaving and living with the fear of being found.

    And generally, victims love their abusers. They have a life with them. They often have children with them, and the children love them.
     
  6. AllieBaba
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    Incidentally, victims are at higher risk of death when they leave than at any other time.

    And they know it.
     
  7. peach174
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    peach174 Gold Member Gold Supporting Member Supporting Member

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    Boy howdy you got that right. I had to point my 38 at him and told him never to touch me again. Shook him up so bad that he never did touch me again.
     
  8. AllieBaba
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    Yeah, you're lucky.

    I tried to get the gun but before I could get it loaded, he took it from me and used it against my shoulders to slam me into the wall. He also threatened to bash my head in with it, but thankfully didn't. He let the wall do that for him.
     
  9. peach174
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    peach174 Gold Member Gold Supporting Member Supporting Member

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    That was your problem, you didn't have it loaded . That's the biggest mistake people make,not keeping your gun loaded. Things happen to quickly, so it must be loaded at all times.
    Mine tried to choke me,when he let go I went and got my gun and just pointed it at him from a distance so that he could not do that very same thing.
     
    Last edited: Jan 20, 2011
  10. Ernie S.
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    Ernie S. Platinum Member

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    An unloaded gun is simply an inefficient club.

    Ahh but the true cycle of abuse is a hard tail Harley Davidson. My first bike was a '49 like this, only white. 400 miles and your kidneys would bleed.[​IMG]
     

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