Ted Kennedy Meets ObamaCare

Discussion in 'Humor' started by CrusaderFrank, Sep 13, 2010.

  1. CrusaderFrank
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    CrusaderFrank Diamond Member

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    INT. DR. OFFICE -- DAY

    The Glass portion of the office door says, "Ezekiel Emanuel, M.D., Ubermenschen" Walking through the door is Ted, 76 years old, gray hair, chubby, Senior US Senator from MA.

    Office is high end DR. Office, well appointed, many pics of doc with famous people -- all deceased (John Ritter, Freddie Prinze, Jim Henson, Carl Sagan, Michael Jackson). Seated behind the desk Dr. Emanuel, 55ish, bespectacled, signs of a slight mustache like that 1930's German guy had.

    EZEKIEL: Have a seat

    TED: Thank you, Doctor, for seeing me on such short notice, I cleared my schedule when you said you had the results of my tests

    EZEKIEL: I have good news and bad news. Which do you want first?

    TED: Give me the bad news

    EZEKIEL: You have inoperable brain cancer

    TED (gulps) So, what’s the good news?

    EZEKIEL: Instead of treating you, we’re going to treat other, more deserving patients

    TED: That’s the good news?

    EZEKIEL: Of course!

    TED: What’s good about that?

    EZEKIEL: Other people who have more life ahead of them will get the treatment they need and that will bend the cost curve...that’s good

    TED: But what about me?

    EZEKIEL: Me. Me ME! That’s all you people care about! I wish you would take a step back once in a while and see the bigger picture.

    TED: What the Hell are you talking about? You’re my doctor! You’re SUPPOSED to take care of me! I'm the big picture!

    EZEKIEL: That’s one way of looking at it

    TED: How the hell else should a doctor look at it?

    EZEKIEL: Well, there’s my Complete Lives System. It empowers me to decide fairly whom to save when genuine scarcity makes saving everyone impossible

    TED: Why is it impossible?

    EZEKIEL: Here look at my appointment book (turns the book on his desk so Ted can see) I'm booked solid for the next 8 months.

    TED: So what are my chances?

    EZEKIEL: Attenuated

    TED: Attenuated? What does that mean?

    EZEKIEL: Technically, it means to make thin or slender

    TED: So, I have slim chances

    EZEKIEL: Um, I didn't actually say that.

    TED: What about your Complete Lives System made me untreatable?

    EZEKIEL: Let’s face it, Ted. You’ve been around the block a few times

    TED: So it’s my age? You know that’s illegal, right?

    EZEKIEL: No, that would be ageism, its because you’ve already had more life-years

    TED: You know, Doc, the last thing you sad that made any sense at all was Have a seat
     
    Last edited: Sep 13, 2010

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