Talking to son about masturbation

[saintmichaeldefendthem]

My son is 12.

Son: At school they taught it was a mortal sin according to the Catholic Church.

Me: That's right.

Son: Does that mean I have to go to confession EVERY time I do it or I'll go to hell?

Me: How often are we talking about, son?

Son: (drops his head down) Like three or four times a day.

Me: Good God! I mean....ok. I'm glad we're having this talk. You can just save them up and receive absolution for everything once a week.

Son: But why would God make something a sin if I can't help it? That's just not fair.

Me: Because God is a boy with an ant farm and this is one of his cruel jokes. (Bitterly because I remember this same dilemma from when I was a boy)

I can see why my wife wants me to have these discussions. But on this topic, there are no good answers.

 

[TheOldSchool]

 

[saintmichaeldefendthem]

You can talk to any priest, pastor, or theologian and nobody can give a good answer to it.

You mean to tell me Jesus grew up never once having ridden the fire pole?

 

[Pogo]

My son is 12.

Son: At school they taught it was a mortal sin according to the Catholic Church.

Me: That's right.

Son: Does that mean I have to go to confession EVERY time I do it or I'll go to hell?

Me: How often are we talking about, son?

Son: (drops his head down) Like three or four times a day.

Me: Good God! I mean....ok. I'm glad we're having this talk. You can just save them up and receive absolution for everything once a week.

Son: But why would God make something a sin if I can't help it? That's just not fair.

Me: Because God is a boy with an ant farm and this is one of his cruel jokes. (Bitterly because I remember this same dilemma from when I was a boy)

I can see why my wife wants me to have these discussions. But on this topic, there are no good answers.

My church never said it was a sin, mortal or venial.
They didn't address it at all.

I like the ant farm analogy though. And three or four times a day, that's good. You know he's healthy.

 

[threegoofs]

My son is 12.

Son: At school they taught it was a mortal sin according to the Catholic Church.

Me: That's right.

Son: Does that mean I have to go to confession EVERY time I do it or I'll go to hell?

Me: How often are we talking about, son?

Son: (drops his head down) Like three or four times a day.

Me: Good God! I mean....ok. I'm glad we're having this talk. You can just save them up and receive absolution for everything once a week.

Son: But why would God make something a sin if I can't help it? That's just not fair.

Me: Because God is a boy with an ant farm and this is one of his cruel jokes. (Bitterly because I remember this same dilemma from when I was a boy)

I can see why my wife wants me to have these discussions. But on this topic, there are no good answers.

My church never said it was a sin, mortal or venial.
They didn't address it at all.

I like the ant farm analogy though. And three or four times a day, that's good. You know he's healthy.

But he might be a little dehydrated. Make sure he gets lots of fluids.

 

[Pogo]

My son is 12.

Son: At school they taught it was a mortal sin according to the Catholic Church.

Me: That's right.

Son: Does that mean I have to go to confession EVERY time I do it or I'll go to hell?

Me: How often are we talking about, son?

Son: (drops his head down) Like three or four times a day.

Me: Good God! I mean....ok. I'm glad we're having this talk. You can just save them up and receive absolution for everything once a week.

Son: But why would God make something a sin if I can't help it? That's just not fair.

Me: Because God is a boy with an ant farm and this is one of his cruel jokes. (Bitterly because I remember this same dilemma from when I was a boy)

I can see why my wife wants me to have these discussions. But on this topic, there are no good answers.

My church never said it was a sin, mortal or venial.
They didn't address it at all.

I like the ant farm analogy though. And three or four times a day, that's good. You know he's healthy.

But he might be a little dehydrated. Make sure he gets lots of fluids.

And protein.

 

[bodecea]

...and hope there's no cat-killing involved.

 

[Pogo]

...and hope there's no cat-killing involved.

Ah... you mean..

 

[saintmichaeldefendthem]

My son is 12.

Son: At school they taught it was a mortal sin according to the Catholic Church.

Me: That's right.

Son: Does that mean I have to go to confession EVERY time I do it or I'll go to hell?

Me: How often are we talking about, son?

Son: (drops his head down) Like three or four times a day.

Me: Good God! I mean....ok. I'm glad we're having this talk. You can just save them up and receive absolution for everything once a week.

Son: But why would God make something a sin if I can't help it? That's just not fair.

Me: Because God is a boy with an ant farm and this is one of his cruel jokes. (Bitterly because I remember this same dilemma from when I was a boy)

I can see why my wife wants me to have these discussions. But on this topic, there are no good answers.

My church never said it was a sin, mortal or venial.
They didn't address it at all.

I like the ant farm analogy though. And three or four times a day, that's good. You know he's healthy.

It's about how often I did it too. But it still shocks a father to hear it which is why I was startled. Funny how that is.

We Catholics are funny creatures. We set the bar high and then collectively fail to meet it and then set it high again for the next generation to fail.

 

[koshergrl]

Wow that's great. Instead of having a serious discussion with your son about God, faith, self control and sex, you told him he isn't expected to exert control over himself and to mock God. Great parenting.

 

[Pogo]

My son is 12.

Son: At school they taught it was a mortal sin according to the Catholic Church.

Me: That's right.

Son: Does that mean I have to go to confession EVERY time I do it or I'll go to hell?

Me: How often are we talking about, son?

Son: (drops his head down) Like three or four times a day.

Me: Good God! I mean....ok. I'm glad we're having this talk. You can just save them up and receive absolution for everything once a week.

Son: But why would God make something a sin if I can't help it? That's just not fair.

Me: Because God is a boy with an ant farm and this is one of his cruel jokes. (Bitterly because I remember this same dilemma from when I was a boy)

I can see why my wife wants me to have these discussions. But on this topic, there are no good answers.

My church never said it was a sin, mortal or venial.
They didn't address it at all.

I like the ant farm analogy though. And three or four times a day, that's good. You know he's healthy.

It's about how often I did it too. But it still shocks a father to hear it which is why I was startled. Funny how that is.

Hey, you should be proud. Tell him to see if he can go for five, or six...etc. Always good to know one's limiits.

Practice practice practice. It pays off.

We Catholics are funny creatures. We set the bar high and then collectively fail to meet it and then set it high again for the next generation to fail.

I suppose that's got a lot to do with why I didn't have a next generation. It was either that, or invent a new bar altogether, but I knew the one I was given wasn't gonna work.

 

[saintmichaeldefendthem]

Wow that's great. Instead of having a serious discussion with your son about God, faith, self control and sex, you told him he isn't expected to exert control over himself and to mock God. Great parenting.

You're a woman. I can't emphasize this enough:

""""""""""""""YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND!"""""""""""""""

GTFO!

 

[Pogo]

Wow that's great. Instead of having a serious discussion with your son about God, faith, self control and sex, you told him he isn't expected to exert control over himself and to mock God. Great parenting.

Just because His name gets invoked during the act doesn't mean it's got anything to do with "God"...

 

[threegoofs]

...and hope there's no cat-killing involved.

Well, he's certainly not hitting any pussy....

 

[strollingbones]

i am a parent of a male and by the time he was 12....we had had many discussions about sex etc and so forth....you are neglecting your parenting duties....12 years old now..they are already having some form of sex with others....dont ignore it

 

[saintmichaeldefendthem]

...and hope there's no cat-killing involved.

Well, he's certainly not hitting any pussy....

I never know why we men move past Rosey Palm. Consider she:

1. Is available for sex ALWAYS.
2. Can't get pregnant or give you an STD
3. Never tells you she's not in the mood, tired, and there is no "time of the month".
4. She will never divorce you, take your house, teach your kids to hate you, and run off with another man or decide she's a lesbian to piss you off.
5. If she gets tired, her assistant takes over.
6. She's crazy enough to "do it" anywhere.
7. She will always be by your side. Literally.

 

[saintmichaeldefendthem]

i am a parent of a male and by the time he was 12....we had had many discussions about sex etc and so forth....you are neglecting your parenting duties....12 years old now..they are already having some form of sex with others....dont ignore it

I never said this was our first discussion.

 

[strollingbones]

you should have covered all these bases by now.....masturbation begins a lot earlier than 12...i hope you told him that sex is a natural drive

 

[Pogo]

5. If she gets tired, her assistant takes over.

Ambidexterity must be sweet.

I mean, I taught myself to turn around and bat lefthanded as a kid but I just didn't think it all the way through....

 

[saintmichaeldefendthem]

you should have covered all these bases by now.....masturbation begins a lot earlier than 12...i hope you told him that sex is a natural drive

I told him sex was evil, should never be engaged in, and is the swiftest path to eternal damnation.

Like a good Catholic.