Republican debate summed up

[Socialist]

Thanks to a reddit user, I have this beautiful summary:

• The preshow: if you drank for every mention of “Trump”, you’d be through at leasttwo beers by this point.
  
  
• Fiorina must have paid someone off at Fox News, because you’d think she reduced the entire B-team debate to tears. All I remember is her calling Clinton a liar several times.
  
  
• “Good evening, I’m Megyn Kelly, you may know me as that pretty blonde announcer in a post-apocalyptic movie you vaguely recall.”
  
  
• Trump gets overwhelming applause, which helps drown out the unexplainable and vaguely occult sound of children screaming in the distance.
  
  
• Hand Raise Q for everyone (but mainly directed at Trump): “Raise your hand if you won’t fall in line and run third party.” Trump raises his hand and tells the crowd to fuck themselves.
  
  
• RAND PAUL WITH THE FIRST ATTACK. “Maybe Trump loves the Clintons and wants to kiss them and make them president again.”
  
  
• Sounding like Obama at a Klan meeting here. BOOOO
  
  
• Ben Carson gets the first non-Trump, thanks-for-being-a-minority-and-on-stage question.
  
  
• Rubio is looking like a handsome, young, illegitimate child of JFK tonight. “I grew up in a van down by the river and had student loans.”
  
  
• Jeb! gets grilled on having the last name Bush. “True Hearts, Clear Eyes, Can’t Lose” or whateverthechrist the saying goes. He then immediately pivots to some campaign lines about vetoing and other covers for how well he did as a governor during a bubble who got out right before it burst.
  
  
• Trump just slammed Rosie O’Donnell and got like 5 more points in the polls, Trump doesn’t give a fuck
  
  
• Trump replies to the charges of being a blatant misogynist: “The nation should be less politically correct. America needs my swinging balls to be better again.”
  
  
• Ted Cruz gets called out for being a demagogue, and the audience cheers because they crave electrolytes and aren’t fags.
  
  
• Chris Christie, rotund politician famous for his blood feud with bridges, gets called out for being in charge of New Jersey. He states a bunch of figures about how much he’s vetoed and the taxes he’s cut, and comes in under the dinger. Gets mild applause.
  
  
• Q to Walker: “Would you let a mother die rather than get an abortion?” Walker pivots the question to attack Clinton and Planned Parenthood. If he walked back the whole “let women die” thing, I didn’t hear it.
  
  
• Huckabee: “I will twist the Constitution to undo Roe v Wade, and use the 5th and 14th Amendments to defy the Supreme Court.” Swear to Christ, I didn’t make any of that up.
  
  
• Rand Paul: ISIS will go away if we stop supporting the Iraqi government with hardware, that way ISIS can’t get their hands on it and Iraq won’t collapse at all.
  
  
• Kasich defiantly and proudly proclaims that he’s actually used government money to improve the health of the poorest citizens of his state. The hometown audience applauds, we’ll see how the national polls react.
  
  
• Jeb! is in favor of a pathway to immigration but still emphasizes that he’ll raid Latino enclaves for deportation.
  
  
• Trump gets attacked about his Mexicans-are-rapists statements. “If it weren’t for me we wouldn’t be talking about this, plus reporters got it wrong and are out to get me because I’m the smartest and richest person ever.” Gets grilled on the evidence for his statements. Trumps response: “I talked to some Border Patrol dudes, also all politicians are idiots and Mexicans are brilliant”
  
  
• Scott Walker Q: why did you change your opinion on a pathway to citizenship: “Blah, blah blah, I decided to run for president and the South don’t take kindly to Mexicans, so what are you going to do?”
  
  
• Rubio: I may be the son of an immigrant but Obama is in favor of “fundamentally changing the country” which is Kenyan for “makin’ Ohio look like Tijuana’s Donkey Show District”
  
  
• Chris Christie: “Hey remember 9/11? I do. I was around then too.”
  
  
• Rand Paul: “FOUNDING FATHERS!”
  
  
• Chris Christie: “Fuck the 4th Amendment, the NSA needs to read more people’s emails. They aren’t psychic you know, they need omniscience access to all the net”
  
  
• CHRISTIE JUST RESPONDED TO A JAB ABOUT HUGGING OBAMA BY TALKING ABOUT HUGGING 9/11 VICTIMS
  
  
• “How can you defeat ISIS in 90 days?” asked the idiot on facebook. Cruz: “We need to blame Islam.”
  
  
• Jeb! walks back his spasms about Iraq. He blames Obama for ISIS for not keeping troops in Iraq until the fucking Judgment Day.
  
  
• Dr. Ben Carson is a neurosurgeon, and he wants you to know that we aren’t killing enough people because of political correctness. And if we just let the military brass go apeshit on the region, the whole place will be a nice peaceful parking lot by Christmas.
  
  
• Trump talks up single payer overseas, says it won’t work here because of insurance companies and politicians. Rand Paul calls him out, Trump says “Fuck you, you hard-of-hearing fuck, you aren’t doing well tonight.” (The last half of that quote is true.)
  
  
• Trump talks about how he spent gobs of money in donations to get Hillary to his wedding.
  
  
• Huckabee: mandates for things like “Air quality” and “Water quality” and “Limiting lead in our children’s food” are a federal overstep
  
  
• Ben Carson also in favor of a flat tax. Good luck middle class if a Republican wins the election!
  
  
• Ben Carson hints that Clinton won’t be the Democratic candidate (what?) and says she would be a “useful idiot”. He then goes on to say that Clinton will destroy our military and leave us at the mercy of Canada or whatever if we only spend as much as all the military budgets of the world combined.
  
  
• Obama’s welfare recipient numbers keep getting thrown around with the words “recession” or “George W. Bush” brought up once.
  
  
• Scott Walker gets called out for his shitty economic numbers. “I’m popular and I am high, let’s not talk ‘numbers’ and ‘facts’ here.”
  
  
• Christie with more percentages and figures. But let’s not emphasize how “We” are all leading longer lives. I don’t see the Governor withdrawing from Social Security into his 80s for some rotund reason.
  
  
• Huckabee attacks Social Security because he thinks it’s better for everyone to have a bit more money in their pockets if it means having to step over the corpses of our impoverished elderly on the way to work every morning.
  
  
• Trump Q about his businesses’ bankruptcy: “I’ve taken advantage of the laws of this country; I’m not going to name names to embarrass them.” Moderator pushes a specific example, Trump declares he alone can solve the problem of Atlantic City.
  
  
• Cruz declares that Dodd Frank is attacking small businesses, high on ether, I assume
  
  
• Scott Walker digs up the memories of a hostage situation older than half the country, invokes the “Obama-Clinton” meme again.
  
  
• Rape pregnancy question for Cruz: he doubles down on the “No exception for rape and incest” thing.
  
  
• Trump time, yehaw! “When did you become a Republican?” Trump invokes Reagan’s name, drink. Trump talks up a nearly-aborted kid he knew who is now a superstar or something, pivots to attack Jeb!, runs out of time.
  
  
• Jeb! is baited to attack Trump, pivots to attack Clinton and talk up his successes during an economic bubble (please ignore what happened after it burst).
  
  
• Trump gets a rebuttal and says he shouldn’t be polite when ISIS is cutting off heads. This echoes FDR’s defense of calling his opponents “douchebags” in 1938 because Hitler was gassing Jews.
  
  
• The candidates all love gays but don’t want them to get married because Jesus.
  
  
• Rand Paul ducks out of the question and says that marriages shouldn’t be a legal matter. Then talks about “resisting” the government(?)
  
  
• Ben Carson says that since we don’t have as many dinghies as we did in 1917, the Navy is weak. Forget that we have more aircraft carriers than the rest of the world combined, we need more dinghies.
  
  
• Clinton emails, lol.
  
  
• Huckabee is against trans people, gasp.
  
  
• Rand Paul is against foreign aid, including Israel. Good for him for having the balls not to make that exception.
  
  
• Christie response: We need to spend even more on our military, more dinghies, more airplanes of any kind (drones don’t count), fund Israel because Obama was mean to them.
  

 

[ScienceRocks]

How about more on America? Infrastructure, science, r&d and education. These things are more important then anything these tards talk about.

 

[TheOldSchool]

That was hilarious! Thanks!

 

[Wyatt earp]

How about more on America? Infrastructure, science, r&d and education. These things are more important then anything these tards talk about.

Damn Matthew I really have to put you on ignore.

You are like Cecine deion.....

 

[daws101]

How about more on America? Infrastructure, science, r&d and education. These things are more important then anything these tards talk about.

Damn Matthew I really have to put you on ignore.

You are like Cecine deion.....

You must like torture#

 

[ScienceRocks]

How about more on America? Infrastructure, science, r&d and education. These things are more important then anything these tards talk about.

Damn Matthew I really have to put you on ignore.

You are like Cecine deion.....

You must like torture#

Ignore for stating that we should spend our resources on our own country??? We spent how much in the middle east?

 

[Wyatt earp]

How about more on America? Infrastructure, science, r&d and education. These things are more important then anything these tards talk about.

Damn Matthew I really have to put you on ignore.

You are like Cecine deion.....

You must like torture#

Ignore for stating that we should spend our resources on our own country??? We spent how much in the middle east?

I don't know about you, but I don't like to see children and girls dying, maybe you have glee with it? But I don't

 

[daws101]

How about more on America? Infrastructure, science, r&d and education. These things are more important then anything these tards talk about.

Damn Matthew I really have to put you on ignore.

You are like Cecine deion.....

You must like torture#

Ignore for stating that we should spend our resources on our own country??? We spent how much in the middle east?

I don't know about you, but I don't like to see children and girls dying, maybe you have glee with it? But I don't

Matthew was born without a sense of humor.

 

[Wyatt earp]

How about more on America? Infrastructure, science, r&d and education. These things are more important then anything these tards talk about.

Damn Matthew I really have to put you on ignore.

You are like Cecine deion.....

You must like torture#

Ignore for stating that we should spend our resources on our own country??? We spent how much in the middle east?

I don't know about you, but I don't like to see children and girls dying, maybe you have glee with it? But I don't

Matthew was born without a sense of humor.

Why do we get all these weirdos on here?

We all know they don't have a pot to piss in

 

[defcon4]

How about more on America? Infrastructure, science, r&d and education. These things are more important then anything these tards talk about.

WOW!!!! Thanks Matt!!!!