Insults, Gaffes Dominate New Book of Canadian Political Quotes Sun Oct 17, BRUCE CHEADLE http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story2&u=%2fcpress%2f20041017%2fca_pr_on_na%2fbook_political_quotes_tab OTTAWA (CP) - Unproven proofs, gravity-defying waterfalls, a fictional invasion of Norway and other verbal gaffes by Canada's political elite are the grist for a sharp new addition to Canadian political literature. The Little Book of Canadian Political Wisdom by author Rick Broadhead hit store shelves last week with 100 quotations illustrating some of the best, but mostly the worst, of Canadian political rhetoric. "I don't know, a proof is a proof," former prime minister Jean Chretien is quoted. "What kind of proof is a proof? A proof is a proof and when you have a good proof it's because it's proven." Chretien's musing on evidence for weapons of mass destruction in Iraq from September 2002 is just one of nine citations he receives in the 200-page illustrated book. That's the most of any the unwitting contributors. Brian Mulroney, the two-term Conservative prime minister of the 1980s, is quoted six times, while former Tory cabinet minister John Crosbie and one-time Liberal prime minister John Turner appear five times each. "I had to winnow it down to the 100 in this edition," Broadhead said in an interview. "There was a lot of sorting and sifting and lot got left on the cutting room floor, so to speak." He's already working on a sequel, the trove is so rich. Some of the quotations flatter the speaker's intellect. Most do not. Prime Minister Paul Martin made the cut for his gaffe about Canadian soldiers invading Norway. He meant Normandy. Former Canadian Alliance leader Stockwell Day's famously errant allusion to the direction of Niagara Falls is included. So is Liberal backbencher Carolyn Parrish, the country's best known Yankee-basher. Most of the chosen quotes have a certain timelessness in Canadian political life, such as John Crosbie's comment on the state of Canada's military in 1983: "Down in Newfoundland, we can hardly sleep for wondering when St. Pierre and Miquelon are going to invade." Some other gems from the pages: "Canada is like an old cow. The West feeds it. Ontario and Quebec milk it. And you can well imagine what it's doing in the Maritimes." Former Saskatchewan premier Tommy Douglas, June 29, 1983. "I'm not going to play politics on the floor of the House of Commons." Liberal leader John Turner, in the Commons, Oct. 1, 1997. "Canada is the greatest nation in this country." Toronto mayor Allan Lamport, 1952-54. The book, published by Key Porter Books, is illustrated with cartoons by Andy Donato, the political cartoonist for the Sun newspaper chain. Donato's sharp wit is evident in his preface. "A cartoonist is a like a blind javelin thrower at the Olympics," he writes. "He's not too accurate but he sure gets the attention of the spectators." Quotes from The Little Book of Canadian Political Wisdom: "What kind of proof is a proof? A proof is a proof and when you have a good proof it's because it's proven." - Former prime minister Jean Chretien. "Canada is like an old cow. The West feeds it. Ontario and Quebec milk it. And you can well imagine what it's doing in the Maritimes." - Former Saskatchewan premier Tommy Douglas. "Canada is the greatest nation in this country." - Former Toronto mayor Allan Lamport. "You little fat little chubby little sucker!" - Reform MP Darrel Stinson referring to then-Tory leader Jean Charest. "Just as Lake Erie drains from north to south, there is an ongoing drain in terms of our young people." - Former Canadian Alliance leader Stockwell Day getting the direction of the Niagara River wrong. "My conduct had nothing to do with me." - Former Ontario Speaker Al McLean defending himself against charges of sexual harassment. "Gentlemen, we all must realize that neither side has any monopoly on sons of bitches." - Former Liberal cabinet minister C.D. Howe in Washington to resolve a shipping dispute. "The fact is the statements are perfectly consistent, but more importantly, I don't have all the facts." - Prime Minister Paul Martin. "I've been called treacherous, stupid, venal, lazy . . . and that's only by the Tories." - Peter McKay, Conservative MP and former Tory leader. "Your majesty, I thank you from the bottom of my heart, and Madame Houde here thanks you from her bottom too." - Montreal Mayor Camillien Houde in 1939 to King George VI.