oldie but a goodie.....the irish....

Discussion in 'Humor' started by manu1959, Mar 9, 2009.

  1. manu1959
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    manu1959 Left Coast Isolationist

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    Shamus and Murphy fancied a pint or two but didn't have a lot of money between them, they could only raise the staggering sum of one Euro.

    Murphy said 'Hang on, I have an idea.'

    He went next door to the butcher's shop and came out with one large sausage.

    Shamus said 'Are you crazy? Now we don't have any money left at all!'

    Murphy replied, 'Don't worry - just follow me.'

    He went into the pub where he immediately ordered two pints of Guinness and two glasses of Jamieson Whisky.

    Shamus said 'Now you've lost it. Do you know how much trouble we will be in? We haven't got any money!!'

    Murphy replied, with a smile. 'Don't worry, I have a plan, Cheers!'

    They downed their Drinks. Murphy said, 'OK, I'll stick the sausage through my zipper and you go on your knees and put it in your mouth.'

    The barman noticed them, went berserk, and threw them out.

    They continued this, pub after pub, getting more and more drunk, all for free.

    At the 10th pub Shamus said Murphy, "I don't think I can do any more of this. I'm drunk & knees are killin me!"

    Murphy said, "How do you think I feel? I lost the
    sausage in the third pub!"
     
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  2. Annie
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    Annie Diamond Member

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    Sure, open season on the Irish, all the time! :lol::lol::lol:
     
  3. manu1959
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    manu1959 Left Coast Isolationist

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    i was thinking of changing it to a couple of islamic dudes on the down low in vegas.....
     
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  4. Valerie
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    Valerie Gold Member

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    Lost at Sea, two Irishmen, Patrick & Michael, were adrift in a lifeboat following a dramatic escape from a burning freighter. While rummaging through the boat's provisions, Patrick stumbled across an old lamp. Secretly hoping that a genie would appear, he rubbed the lamp vigorously.

    To his amazement, a genie came forth. This particular genie, however, stated that he could only deliver one wish,not the standard three. Without giving much thought to the matter, Patrick blurted out, "Make the entire ocean into Guinness Beer! The genie clapped his hands with a deafening crash, and immediately the entire sea turned into the finest brew ever sampled by mortals.

    Simultaneously, the genie vanished. Only the gentle lapping of Guinness on the hull broke the stillness as the two men considered their circumstances. Michael looked disgustedly at Patrick and after a long, tension filled moment, he spoke. "Nice going Patrick! Now we're going to have to pee in the boat.
     
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  5. Annie
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    Annie Diamond Member

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    Damn! :lol::lol::lol: We Irish get no respect, but we do hygiene very well.
     
  6. Valerie
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    Valerie Gold Member

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    Hey, no offense! I'm Irish tooooooooo. ;)
     
  7. Annie
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    Annie Diamond Member

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    Then you know, we have wicked sense of humor, if not in one of our dark moods. :lol:
     
  8. Valerie
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    Valerie Gold Member

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    :lol: I'm an Irish, German, Swedish, French mutt.
     
  9. manu1959
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    manu1959 Left Coast Isolationist

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    right .... irish....
     
  10. Valerie
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    Valerie Gold Member

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    :lol:

    One day an Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman walked into a pub together. They each bought a pint of Guinness. Just as they were about to enjoy their creamy beverage, three flies landed in each of their pints, and were stuck in the thick head.

    The Englishman pushed his beer away in disgust. The Scotsman fished the fly out of his beer, and continued drinking it, as if nothing had happened.

    The Irishman, too, picked the fly out of his drink, held it out over the beer, and started yelling, "SPIT IT OUT, SPIT IT OUT YOU BASTARD!!!!
     

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