Discussion in 'Humor' started by dilloduck, May 4, 2005.

  1. dilloduck

    dilloduck Diamond Member

    May 8, 2004
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    Austin, TX
    In the year 2005, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in the
    United States, and said, "Once again, the earth has become wicked and
    over-populated, and I see the end of all flesh before me.

    Build another Ark and save 2 of every living thing along with a few good

    He gave Noah the blueprints, saying, "You have 6 months to build the Ark
    before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights."

    Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard -
    but no Ark.

    "Noah!" He roared, "I'm about to start the rain! Where is the Ark?"

    "Forgive me, Lord," begged Noah, "but things have changed. I needed a
    building permit. I've been arguing with the inspector about the need for a
    sprinkler system. My neighbors claim that I've violated the neighborhood
    zoning laws by building the Ark in my yard and exceeding the height
    limitations. We had to go
    to the Development Appeal Board for a decision.

    Then the Department of Transportation demanded a bond be posted for the
    future costs of moving power lines and other overhead obstructions, to clear
    the passage for the Ark's move to the sea. I told them that the sea would be
    coming to us, but they would hear nothing of it.

    Getting the wood was another problem. There's a ban on cutting local trees
    in order to save the spotted owl. I tried to convince the environmentalists
    that I needed the wood to save the owls - but no go!

    When I started gathering the animals, an animal rights group sued me.

    They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will. They
    argued the accommodation was too restrictive, and it was cruel and inhumane
    to put so many animals in a confined space.

    Then the EPA ruled that I couldn't build the Ark until they'd conducted an
    environmental impact study on your proposed flood.

    I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights Commission
    on how many minorities I'm supposed to hire for my building crew.

    Immigration and Naturalization is checking the green-card status of most
    of the people who want to work.

    The trades unions say I can't use my sons. They insist I have to hire only
    Union workers with Ark-building experience.

    To make matters worse, the IRS seized all my assets, claiming I'm trying
    to leave the country illegally with endangered species.

    So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10 years for me to finish
    this Ark."

    Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow
    stretched across the sky. Noah looked up in wonder and asked, "You mean
    you're not going to destroy the world?"

    "No," said the Lord. "The government beat me to it."
  2. manu1959

    manu1959 Left Coast Isolationist

    Oct 28, 2004
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    reminds me of the time i wanted to remodel my house
  3. Joz

    Joz Senior Member

    Mar 9, 2004
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    Forwarded this one!

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