New Federal Golf Rules

Discussion in 'Humor' started by HomeInspect, Jan 23, 2013.

  1. HomeInspect
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    HomeInspect Senior Member

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    New Federal Golf Rules

    President B.H.O. has recently been appointed a Golf Czar. Major rule changes in the game of golf will become effective January 20, 2013. This is only a preview as the complete rule book (expect 2716 pages) is being rewritten as we speak.

    Here are a few of the changes:


    Golfers with handicaps:
    - Below 10 will have their green fees increased by 35%.
    - Between 11 and 18 will see no increase in green fees.
    - Above 18 will get a $20 check each time they play.

    The term "gimmie" will be changed to "entitlement" and will be
    used as follows:
    - Handicaps below 10, no entitlements.
    - Handicaps from 11 to 17, entitlements for putter length putts.
    - Handicaps above 18, if your ball is on the green, no need to
    putt, just pick it up.

    These entitlements are intended to bring about fairness and, most
    importantly, equality in scoring. In addition, a player will be limited to a
    maximum of one birdie or six pars in any given 18-hole round. Any excess
    must be given to those fellow players who have not yet scored a birdie or
    par.

    Only after all players have received a birdie or par from the player
    actually making the birdie or par, can that player begin to count his pars
    and birdies again.

    The current USGA handicap system will be used for the above purposes, but
    the term "net score" will be available only for scoring those players with handicaps of 18 and above.

    This is intended to "re-distribute" the success of winning by making sure
    that in all competitions every player above an 18 handicap will post only
    "net score" against every other player's "gross score".

    These new rules are intended to CHANGE the game of golf. Golf must be about Fairness. It should have nothing to do with ability, hard work, practice, and responsibility. This is the "right thing to do."

    So, please remember: if you shot a round of golf under par, you didn't
    shoot it yourself. Someone else built that course, and someone else cut the grass so that
    you could play on it. Someone else built the clubs and the cart. You need to share with everyone and anyone who made you a successful golfer.
     
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