Letting your child(ren) win

[manifold]

I'm curious about the views and philosophies of other parents when it comes to playing games with their pre-K children, especially regarding letting them win. I think it's important for children to experience both winning and losing, and therefore striking the optimum balance is key.

I don't have any hard and fast rules, but I've noticed a bit of a pattern myself.

When it comes to games that involve skill (checkers, mancala, memory, fish, etc), I'm much more likely make sure they win at least more than they lose, but on average probably 4 out of 5 times. When it comes to games that are all, or almost all luck (candyland, chutes & ladders, bingo, etc.), I usually just let the luck fall where it may unless they've lost a couple in a row, in which case I make sure they win the next one.

Thoughts?

 

[random3434]

That makes sense mani.

Kids that 'win' all the time as little children will start school thinking they can win everything, then throw a fit or pout, etc. when they don't.

Beating them ALL the time in games is not good, because they are little kids after all. But letting them lose sometimes builds 'character' in a way.

 

[Sallow]

Not much to add.

Seems about right.

 

[Annie]

Partially echoing Echo, I think that at first, as the are learning the rules and strategies of challenging games, your approach is correct. However, pay attention and as certain strategies are being learned, they need challenges to move onto the next level-so a bit more roadblocks to winning should be employed.

While I really like and encourage the use of board games, one of the recommendations to computerized versions are the levels, so that one can keep moving up! It's important to know when the child has hit a level where one can play 'to win' with them. There's a fine line between being encouraging and leading to a bad winner and loser.

 

[California Girl]

I agree with EZ.

Teaching children to accept both victory and defeat with equal grace is a good lesson.

 

[Anachronism]

That makes sense mani.

Kids that 'win' all the time as little children will start school thinking they can win everything, then throw a fit or pout, etc. when they don't.

Beating them ALL the time in games is not good, because they are little kids after all. But letting them lose sometimes builds 'character' in a way.

Very true EZ; but there is another side to that as well. I'm a PRIME example of what can happen if/when you have a child who never gets to win. For a number of reasons, I went through most of my childhood being the kid who never won at anything. I won't bore people with the details, since they're largely immaterial to the point. It wasn't until High School that I really got to experience "winning" in any real competitive endeavour.

That is a large part of how & why I grew up to be the sort of person who would rather not be involved in something than to not succeed at it. The type of person who absolutely HATES to lose, and is a very poor sport most of the time.

I think there's a delicate balance that needs to be achieved.... teaching the kids that they don't always win, but also making sure they get a chance to experience success as well. What I'm totally against is the idea or taking all the competition/scoring/etc... out of kids sports and the like.

 

[Truthmatters]

You do what the individual child needs to lear how to deal with the world in a realistic way.

That sometimes includes letting them win.

I was the sixth child out of 8.

I was ten and eleven years older than the two who were younger than me and the rest of us were all born in a matter of 8 years.

I didnt win many games in my childhood.

That taught me that there is ALWAYS someone who knows more than you and that you can learn from these people.

It was a little painful but I at least learned something VERY valuable for life.


My bros and sis's are all very smart people and they taught me alot.

They helped teach me how to spot a phoney expert.

There are a ton of people out in the world who think the way to live life is to PRETEND you know something and then shark attack you if you question their false information and lack of real knowledge.


I can spot a phoney from miles away.

Thanks bros and sis's

 

[AllieBaba]

Shit no I don't let them win. I might not commit my all to playing poker, but it's a game and if I'm playing a game I'm going to take my wins.

And Monopoly, cribbage, tic tac toe? It's a dog eat dog world, kidlets.

 

[Mad Scientist]

I'm curious about the views and philosophies of other parents when it comes to playing games with their pre-K children, especially regarding letting them win. I think it's important for children to experience both winning and losing, and therefore striking the optimum balance is key.

I don't have any hard and fast rules, but I've noticed a bit of a pattern myself.

When it comes to games that involve skill (checkers, mancala, memory, fish, etc), I'm much more likely make sure they win at least more than they lose, but on average probably 4 out of 5 times. When it comes to games that are all, or almost all luck (candyland, chutes & ladders, bingo, etc.), I usually just let the luck fall where it may unless they've lost a couple in a row, in which case I make sure they win the next one.

Thoughts?

I would let my kids win until I could see they had a good grasp of the rules, then I would play them harder until one day they had no trouble beating me! That was about when the Nintendo 64 came out. I could never beat my kids at Nintendo Baseball after that!

 

[Truthmatters]

Well we know how ABs kids are going to turn out.

They are going to try and eat the other kids.

 

[JackDan]

You do what the individual child needs to lear how to deal with the world in a realistic way.

That sometimes includes letting them win.

I was the sixth child out of 8.

I was ten and eleven years older than the two who were younger than me and the rest of us were all born in a matter of 8 years.

I didnt win many games in my childhood.

That taught me that there is ALWAYS someone who knows more than you and that you can learn from these people.

It was a little painful but I at least learned something VERY valuable for life.


My bros and sis's are all very smart people and they taught me alot.

They helped teach me how to spot a phoney expert.

There are a ton of people out in the world who think the way to live life is to PRETEND you know something and then shark attack you if you question their false information and lack of real knowledge.


I can spot a phoney from miles away.

Thanks bros and sis's Edited. We Do Not Misquote other Members.

I totally agree with you!

 

[Mad Scientist]

Well we know how ABs kids are going to turn out.

They are going to try and eat the other kids.

"eat"?

 

[Anachronism]

TM, my experience was exactly the opposite.

I'm the oldest of three boys. My brothers are 25 & 40 months younger than me. Very early on in life it became apparent that partially because of my physical and emotional issues, they were going to be bigger, stronger, faster, and just plain better at pretty much everything than I was. By the time I was 10 or 11 that was the case. Same thing at school.... I was generally the smallest, weakest, and slowest kid in the class. Even less physically gifted than many of the girls at times. What I lacked in physicality I made up for somewhat with my knowledge of the games, but even that didn't always help very much. It quickly reached a point where it just wasn't worth it to get involved in anything competitive because I knew I wasn't going to win.

 

[manifold]

TM, my experience was exactly the opposite.

I'm the oldest of three boys. My brothers are 25 & 40 months younger than me. Very early on in life it became apparent that partially because of my physical and emotional issues, they were going to be bigger, stronger, faster, and just plain better at pretty much everything than I was. By the time I was 10 or 11 that was the case. Same thing at school.... I was generally the smallest, weakest, and slowest kid in the class. Even less physically gifted than many of the girls at times. What I lacked in physicality I made up for somewhat with my knowledge of the games, but even that didn't always help very much. It quickly reached a point where it just wasn't worth it to get involved in anything competitive because I knew I wasn't going to win.

Too bad there's no real-world equivalent to the ignore function.

 

[Two Thumbs]

Pre-k games are mostly chance, so there's not many chances to teach anything except being a good sport.
But for the few that require strategy, I do play to win. Not to stomp my kids and dash all hopes of ever beating dad. I make it close enough so they know that if they try a little harder, next time they just might beat me.

In my 19th year it was early June, 1981, one weekend my Dad said; "We haven't played Scrabble in years."
We hadn't, my parents got divorced, and mom had custody of me.

Two things went through my head; All the times he crushed me and the family and "Bring it old man".

I crushed him by 184 points.

As he sat there, slacked jawed and dumb founded, I put the game away, walked into the kitchen and let out a silent roar of victory.

~~~~~~~~~~````

Your kids can tell if you're letting them win, so it doesn't mean anything.

 

[AllieBaba]

Kids can't learn to win if you don't show them how, after all!

When they win, it makes it that much more special to them, because they know you aren't letting them win. You should have seen my babies the first few times I whooped them at checkers. But they learned quick and now it's cutthroat!!

 

[manifold]

Yeah, cuz beating a 4 year old's ass in checkers every time really makes them want to keep playing.

 

[xsited1]

I'm curious about the views and philosophies of other parents when it comes to playing games with their pre-K children, especially regarding letting them win. I think it's important for children to experience both winning and losing, and therefore striking the optimum balance is key.

I don't have any hard and fast rules, but I've noticed a bit of a pattern myself.

When it comes to games that involve skill (checkers, mancala, memory, fish, etc), I'm much more likely make sure they win at least more than they lose, but on average probably 4 out of 5 times. When it comes to games that are all, or almost all luck (candyland, chutes & ladders, bingo, etc.), I usually just let the luck fall where it may unless they've lost a couple in a row, in which case I make sure they win the next one.

Thoughts?

It depends on the kid. Some are highly competitive while others just want to have fun. You need to be cognizant of the type of person you are so you don't impose your personality on them.

 

[Annie]

I'm curious about the views and philosophies of other parents when it comes to playing games with their pre-K children, especially regarding letting them win. I think it's important for children to experience both winning and losing, and therefore striking the optimum balance is key.

I don't have any hard and fast rules, but I've noticed a bit of a pattern myself.

When it comes to games that involve skill (checkers, mancala, memory, fish, etc), I'm much more likely make sure they win at least more than they lose, but on average probably 4 out of 5 times. When it comes to games that are all, or almost all luck (candyland, chutes & ladders, bingo, etc.), I usually just let the luck fall where it may unless they've lost a couple in a row, in which case I make sure they win the next one.

Thoughts?

It depends on the kid. Some are highly competitive while others just want to have fun. You need to be cognizant of the type of person you are so you don't impose your personality on them.

That's a very true point! Some kids keep coming back for more, they love challenges and want to learn how to beat others at their games.

On the other extreme there are those that with the first loss will give up on that game forever. They enjoy their psychopathy. Hint, hint to that guy!

 

[Truthmatters]

TM, my experience was exactly the opposite.

I'm the oldest of three boys. My brothers are 25 & 40 months younger than me. Very early on in life it became apparent that partially because of my physical and emotional issues, they were going to be bigger, stronger, faster, and just plain better at pretty much everything than I was. By the time I was 10 or 11 that was the case. Same thing at school.... I was generally the smallest, weakest, and slowest kid in the class. Even less physically gifted than many of the girls at times. What I lacked in physicality I made up for somewhat with my knowledge of the games, but even that didn't always help very much. It quickly reached a point where it just wasn't worth it to get involved in anything competitive because I knew I wasn't going to win.

You are now 37 and need to learn to learn from you past instead of allowing it to rule your current world.


LEARN new things and be willing to change your mind according to the facts.

Its either that or you will sulk the rest of your life.