Lawyer Advice needed (child support)

[TheBrain]

You are doing the same thing. You don't know her side of the story. It could be quite different than what he is saying.

Instead of whining he should talk to an attorney about his options.

Well that's the thing, his hands are up in the air in failure. His attorney has failed to get the judge to amend anything. That's why I was hoping for an experienced lawyer here, not just opinions which help also.

He's a great guy, and he loves his little girls. He lives in Saratoga and wants to move to Schenectady. The mom lives in Schenectady, the kids go to school in Schenectady, and he works there. It makes sense, so I told him to move. He started in about how he can't afford it because of his 25% dockage, and he explained to me that his Lawyer says that's just the way it is. Sucks, really.

I don't understand why the woman or man should defer the responsibility onto the other parent for their time. I wouldn't by any means feel like an accomplished person, I'd be embarrassed.

It seems to me that, in normal circumstances, the law should be that each parent gets 50% custody, and meets the full cost of that percentage alone. The only time that one parent should have primary or sole custody is if there is a serious and legitimate reason. That would stop all this bullshit about child support.

Aside from there being studies that have shown that the instability of living in a different home every other week is not healthy for the child (and I'm not saying I agree with those studies, just saying they are out there) In MOST cases the parents don't even live near enough to each other for that to be a viable option.

The truth is though that our system needs a serious revamping. One that does not actively discourage men from wanting to be part of their children's lives post divorce.

 

[G.T.]

The standard isn't Best Interest of the Child, so your story doesn't add up. And its never 25% of the gross pay. Most states (I can only go off IL) have a standard chart that dictates the percentaged owed of NET (after taxes and deductions). The non-residence parent has to pay even in joint or co-custody. But it still doesn't add up for a few reasons. Both parents, in theory, get the same consideration. But on is being able to provide a home for the children. Living with her Parents doesn't cut it.

Best advise is your "friend" should man up and get a good lawyer. Contest custody. Attack her bi-polar disorder and her ability to provide for the children, mentally, emotional, financial and physically.

And you have to have it wrong. No way in hell its gross pay! But child support is a bitch. Especially if they award on top of that medicial bills for things such as OT and Speech Therapy, which aren't covered under most medical plans!

Well he said it comes out pre-tax. 25%.

HE told you wrong or you misheard. Child support is figured on net pay in ALL states per federal law. The only leeway states have in the matter is that some have a standard percentage and some use a formula that considers the income of both parents to determine how much the child should cost to raise and what the non custodial parent's share of that is, but it all figured on net income.

In the pdf from the actual NYS DCSE, it's Gross. (well, the last page of it reads that way to me, )

 

[TheBrain]

Another piece of info I left out is that the kids having 2 sets of clothes / toys / etc. for each house was not his choice, that's the mother being bi-polar (a he sees it).

I personally think that's a good idea. It gives the kids a sense of their own space in each of their two homes.

I agree it's just messed up he's paying 25% of his pay towards the Mom's purchases of those things (in theory of what she SHOULD use the money for), yet they're not allowed to use any of it at his crib.

This attitude is a cop out dude. It's money owed to the child , once paid it is no longer your problem what the custodial parent spends it on, and IF the child isn't getting what s/he needs in terms of what money can buy, a court will entertain a motion of neglect against a custodial parent in that situation.

 

[TheBrain]

Well he said it comes out pre-tax. 25%.

HE told you wrong or you misheard. Child support is figured on net pay in ALL states per federal law. The only leeway states have in the matter is that some have a standard percentage and some use a formula that considers the income of both parents to determine how much the child should cost to raise and what the non custodial parent's share of that is, but it all figured on net income.

In the pdf from the actual NYS DCSE, it's Gross. (well, the last page of it reads that way to me, )

Actually it is NOT. It is disposable income , which is income after
Federal income tax
Social Security tax (FICA)
Medicare tax
State income tax
City/local income tax
Involuntary retirement or pension plan payments

have all been deducted

https://www.childsupport.ny.gov/dcse/employers_iex_worksheet.html

 

[Ravi]

Child support is paid by the non-custodial parent. Gender doesn't apply. Apparently, this guy is the non-custodial parent.

https://www.childsupport.ny.gov/dcse/non_custodial_parent_info.html

I think it is extremely lame to pretend that this has to do with gender.

 

[G.T.]

I personally think that's a good idea. It gives the kids a sense of their own space in each of their two homes.

I agree it's just messed up he's paying 25% of his pay towards the Mom's purchases of those things (in theory of what she SHOULD use the money for), yet they're not allowed to use any of it at his crib.

This attitude is a cop out dude. It's money owed to the child , once paid it is no longer your problem what the custodial parent spends it on, and IF the child isn't getting what s/he needs in terms of what money can buy, a court will entertain a motion of neglect against a custodial parent in that situation.

What attitude?

 

[Ravi]

Another piece of info I left out is that the kids having 2 sets of clothes / toys / etc. for each house was not his choice, that's the mother being bi-polar (a he sees it).

Now you're making him sound like a professional victim.

 

[G.T.]

Child support is paid by the non-custodial parent. Gender doesn't apply. Apparently, this guy is the non-custodial parent.

https://www.childsupport.ny.gov/dcse/non_custodial_parent_info.html

I think it is extremely lame to pretend that this has to do with gender.

When two parents are in 50/50 custody, how do you imagine the Custodial Parent is declared?

 

[Mr. H.]

I used to have some links re: male parental rights and financial support.
The links are long gone, as are the memories thank goodness.
Good luck to your buddy.

Several years ago myself and two close friends each finally got out from under support/maintenance at the same time coincidentally.

We went to Vegas.

That's the way to do it

I lived in poverty for 10 years after the divorce. She and the kids were comfy as a result. I was glad to pay the support for the kids' sake, but these payments are unrestricted which is dead wrong. Unrestricted.

I didn't go to my bosses for a raise, I didn't go out and get a second job. I figured she'd get 1/4th and taxes would take 1/4. It was enough to keep my own head above water.

 

[G.T.]

Another piece of info I left out is that the kids having 2 sets of clothes / toys / etc. for each house was not his choice, that's the mother being bi-polar (a he sees it).

Now you're making him sound like a professional victim.

I'm saying the situation as it is. Should I lie so that it sounds better for you?

 

[Mr. H.]

Oh yeah- Court Ordered Mediation. What a joke.

I got to the meeting early and notified the attorney that my ex doesn't mediate, she dictates.
On my way out the door, the attorney gave me a look as if to say "damn, you were right".

 

[TheBrain]

Child support is paid by the non-custodial parent. Gender doesn't apply. Apparently, this guy is the non-custodial parent.

https://www.childsupport.ny.gov/dcse/non_custodial_parent_info.html

I think it is extremely lame to pretend that this has to do with gender.

I seriously doubt you have ever been involved in a custody case in which the father was truly the better parent and got fucked out of custody with your attitude. It is pretty much accepted as fact by ALL experts that our court system favors the woman whenever possible.

I'm not interested in hearing any more of your opinions on the matter if you deny that simple fact.

 

[boedicca]

I was hanging with my friend this weekend, and was shocked to hear his Support situation. Please offer any advice if there is any.

He has 2 little girls.

He has them every other week, for the full week, bringing them to school and everything. The clothing they wear, the food they eat, etc. are all exclusive to his house, they don't bring anything from Mom's to wear or / eat or / play with.

Mom is bi-polar and lives with her parents.

Despite equal time with the kids, despite Dad being the better parent and despite Dad living on his own while mom is supported by her parents, New York State forces Dad to pay 25% of his gross pay towards child support, and Mom does not spend a dime of it on sending the kids to Dad's for the weeks.

In my opinion, this is Gender Discrimination.

Women fought for equal rights, under the Law. This doesn't mean that men should in turn be discriminated against in such a way. I'd love to help this dude out.

I recommend that you and your friend read this:

The Futurist: The Misandry Bubble

 

[High_Gravity]

Marriage should be banned.

 

[G.T.]

Disagree, sir. I <3 my marriage.

 

[Ravi]

Child support is paid by the non-custodial parent. Gender doesn't apply. Apparently, this guy is the non-custodial parent.

https://www.childsupport.ny.gov/dcse/non_custodial_parent_info.html

I think it is extremely lame to pretend that this has to do with gender.

When two parents are in 50/50 custody, how do you imagine the Custodial Parent is declared?

It depends on who dissolves the marriage and why. Usually, at least historically, that has been the male.

That will probably change since women are no longer reviled for having their own careers.

 

[Ravi]

Another piece of info I left out is that the kids having 2 sets of clothes / toys / etc. for each house was not his choice, that's the mother being bi-polar (a he sees it).

Now you're making him sound like a professional victim.

I'm saying the situation as it is. Should I lie so that it sounds better for you?

No one is forcing him to buy extra sets of clothes, toys or anything else.

If the woman is able to control him to this extent then he's got more problems than how much child support he is paying.

 

[High_Gravity]

Disagree, sir. I <3 my marriage.

Your one of the few and the proud, not the rule.

 

[G.T.]

Now you're making him sound like a professional victim.

I'm saying the situation as it is. Should I lie so that it sounds better for you?

No one is forcing him to buy extra sets of clothes, toys or anything else.

If the woman is able to control him to this extent then he's got more problems than how much child support he is paying.

I think that (and this is just a guess) paying for a Lawyer every time she farts burps or coughs isn't economically achievable, for him. In other words, instead of fighting her bullshit everytime..... he might feel like he'd lose out in Court, pay for the Lawyer in the process, and STILL have to buy their clothing and shit when the kids are in his posession, although already doling out 25%. It just sounds shitty as fuck, to me, and there's no real reason people can't have this discussion without getting all snippy, insulting and judgemental. Try to stay the fuck out, if that's all you're going to be.

 

[G.T.]

Disagree, sir. I <3 my marriage.

Your one of the few and the proud, not the rule.

Last I heard it was about 50/50.