Keeping the Peace

[Gracie]

And in the pets thread. Rat decided to come shit on my Pretties thread and said "the THINGS are dead", referring to my cat and dog.

 

[Mertex]

Just an FYI. If you really want to stay away for toxic people you should avoid the FZ as much as possible. There are more toxic people per post in this area of USMB than the rest of it combined in my opinion. And that goes across the entire spectrum of posters. Not singling anyone or any side out. Just my observation that the FZ has the highest concentration of toxicity.

I still venture down here and read some posts and make the occasional one too. But that is the exception rather than the rule. My personal rule is to abstain from getting involved down here. I don't care what anyone posts about me down here because I take it from whence it comes. I don't feel any need to defend myself or anyone else in this area.

I just walk away from it all because (a) I don't need the drama, and (b) anyone trying to bring you down is already beneath you to begin with.

Just my 2 cents. No offense intended to anyone personally. Just my honest opinion.

Peace
DT

Very true but what if you want to go there and laugh.

The FZ can be like a soap opera. I don't post in it when it's like that, and have very seldom posted in it anyway, but when it's a downright soap opera, it's more like entertainment than anything else. After a point, though, it gets kind of noxious and Jerry Springerish.

It sure is - reminds me of the squabbles we used to have in Jr. high. I guess those that start hateful threads in the FZ are still stuck in their Jr. high school days....but i think they believe their comments are very intelligent and make a lot of sense, not realizing just how hateful and sophomoric they really sound.

 

[Mertex]

And in the pets thread. Rat decided to come shit on my Pretties thread and said "the THINGS are dead", referring to my cat and dog.

Sometimes you just have to consider the source, and ignore it for it's not worth giving much thought someone like that.

 

[Gracie]

I don't go to where they roll in shit. They come to pull their pants down where I am. And yes, I consider the source. Just saying it isn't just the FZ. That pack goes everywhere, ready to squat.

Kinda hard to talk about and practice peace when no matter where one turns, there they are.

 

[Esmeralda]

Just an FYI. If you really want to stay away for toxic people you should avoid the FZ as much as possible. There are more toxic people per post in this area of USMB than the rest of it combined in my opinion. And that goes across the entire spectrum of posters. Not singling anyone or any side out. Just my observation that the FZ has the highest concentration of toxicity.

I still venture down here and read some posts and make the occasional one too. But that is the exception rather than the rule. My personal rule is to abstain from getting involved down here. I don't care what anyone posts about me down here because I take it from whence it comes. I don't feel any need to defend myself or anyone else in this area.

I just walk away from it all because (a) I don't need the drama, and (b) anyone trying to bring you down is already beneath you to begin with.

Just my 2 cents. No offense intended to anyone personally. Just my honest opinion.

Peace
DT

Not just the Flame Zone, but the Rubber Room and Badlands too.

Some of the threads are started there, but a lot are sent down from other forums upstairs because they're - toxic.

I read most of the junk there, I'll add in comments too. Why? Because I think it's a good idea to keep an eye on some of those people. I find it very strange that some members post only down there and avoid the rest of the USMB.

After rolling around in the waste down there I like to come up to the Lounge to relax and clean off the slimy residue.

LOL That's for this last line.

I didn't know there were people who pretty much only posted in the Flame Zone, Rubber Room and Badlands. They must carry around a heavy load of misery.

 

[Gracie]

They feed on the hate they serve each other about someone else.

 

[Statistikhengst]

Just an FYI. If you really want to stay away for toxic people you should avoid the FZ as much as possible. There are more toxic people per post in this area of USMB than the rest of it combined in my opinion. And that goes across the entire spectrum of posters. Not singling anyone or any side out. Just my observation that the FZ has the highest concentration of toxicity.

I still venture down here and read some posts and make the occasional one too. But that is the exception rather than the rule. My personal rule is to abstain from getting involved down here. I don't care what anyone posts about me down here because I take it from whence it comes. I don't feel any need to defend myself or anyone else in this area.

I just walk away from it all because (a) I don't need the drama, and (b) anyone trying to bring you down is already beneath you to begin with.

Just my 2 cents. No offense intended to anyone personally. Just my honest opinion.

Peace
DT

Very true but what if you want to go there and laugh.

Which brings up the fact that toxic people have no clue they're toxic. Not naming any names, but many posting on this thread are considered toxic to many others. They bait, demean, insult and lie all the whoe telling others how to behave.

You can remove yourself from a situation, but you cannot fix other people

 

[Statistikhengst]

Speaking of.....

Sometimes talking to people to make them "understand" doesn't work. They just get angry because they stay angry at whatever. So....I did an experiment once to avoid a confrontation with tenants I had years ago when I was managing in West Covina. HUGE property. We had a nice garden area with pathways, night lamps, benches hither and yon and surrounded by flowers, bushes, and just beautiful plants everywhere. They would follow the cement path, but they also cut through the garden area, stepping on delicate flora and fauna. So..knowing most people follow without even thinking about it...I got some stepping stones and placed them close together, cutting through the garden. Then I watched from my window. The people would come home from work, cut through, but make sure each step was ON the stepping stones. Hmmm. Interesting. So after a few days, I went out there and moved the stepping stones until they were further apart and difficult to navigate easily. They came home, and stretched their legs far enough so their toes would be ON the stepping stones. They didn't even realize they were doing it. So the following days, I moved them back closer again, two by two, for easy passage. It worked out fine. They began to use that path, ON the stones, when not using the cement walkway.

Lesson learned? People will follow the easiest path and not even know they are doing it and confrontations can be avoided when some are determined to stomp on flowers instead of going the path hardest for them. They want the easy way..and the easy way can be pleasant if it is handled correctly.

Wasser geht den Weg des geringsten Widerstandes.
Water follows the path of least resistance.

Laws of physics for us mortals.

 

[Statistikhengst]

The best thing to do is to not taunt others. Don't respond to attacks, while being the bigger adult. It's not a game, because there are no winners when people fight malevolently over the pettiest of things. No one is perfect, either. Least of all me. It doesn't feel good to be cruel, or to try and make others suffer. To make them feel miserable. Sometimes the best thing is to do nothing in response, and then find better places and people.

At the same time, sometimes things are said, things that grow into rumours and those rumous grow into "truths", and if they are not quashed, then later on, in spite of having been the "adult", you (you, meaning, any of us) could have a problem on down the road. In such a case, doing absolutely nothing is maybe not such a good idea.

Not only cream rises to the top. Shit does too.


I suppose that in life, it's pretty much always a matter of balance.

 

[Statistikhengst]

This place is where I enjoy being at, wake. And the majority of people are the better than anywhere else, to ME. Yes, there are many great places on the net. Lots of great people too. But here is where i want to stay and plan to stay. Sometimes everyone just needs a break now and then. So...when I need one, I go somewhere else.

There has to be a happy medium. Each person has to find it for themselves. Mine is to avoid negative petri dish forums, and put on ignore those that never have anything decent to say. Not saying everyone should do that. Just saying I choose to do that.

If you're open to repairing our bridge together, you may send a PM to talk on this further.

The bridge was untied at this end but never broken. With that said, I apprecaite some of the things you say. Some I don't. I prefer to speak in public just as we are doing right now. Nothing secret or "behind the scenes" about it and I prefer it that way.

 

[Statistikhengst]

This place is where I enjoy being at, wake. And the majority of people are the better than anywhere else, to ME. Yes, there are many great places on the net. Lots of great people too. But here is where i want to stay and plan to stay. Sometimes everyone just needs a break now and then. So...when I need one, I go somewhere else.

There has to be a happy medium. Each person has to find it for themselves. Mine is to avoid negative petri dish forums, and put on ignore those that never have anything decent to say. Not saying everyone should do that. Just saying I choose to do that.

If you're open to repairing our bridge together, you may send a PM to talk on this further.

The bridge was untied at this end but never broken. With that said, I apprecaite some of the things you say. Some I don't. I prefer to speak in public just as we are doing right now. Nothing secret or "behind the scenes" about it and I prefer it that way.

Just an FYI. If you really want to stay away for toxic people you should avoid the FZ as much as possible. There are more toxic people per post in this area of USMB than the rest of it combined in my opinion. And that goes across the entire spectrum of posters. Not singling anyone or any side out. Just my observation that the FZ has the highest concentration of toxicity.

I still venture down here and read some posts and make the occasional one too. But that is the exception rather than the rule. My personal rule is to abstain from getting involved down here. I don't care what anyone posts about me down here because I take it from whence it comes. I don't feel any need to defend myself or anyone else in this area.

I just walk away from it all because (a) I don't need the drama, and (b) anyone trying to bring you down is already beneath you to begin with.

Just my 2 cents. No offense intended to anyone personally. Just my honest opinion.

Peace
DT

Why is it that some people need to be so nasty here? None of them would talk like that face to face but they don't hesitate here. Why is that?

One thing that seems to be universal among abusers is that they can be charming and good to some people while being vile and vicious to others. And none of them will be abusive to anyone they believe can give it back to them in kind.

I leave this board every so often when I find that I'm getting nasty and rude. I don't want to be so lazy that I use name calling and foul language instead of intellect.

1. Because they can. They are behind a monitor.

2. Insecurities. No empathy. No compassion.

3. Me too. Other places let me be at peace and able to recharge my batteries and be who I want to be and the poison that seeped into my bones to wear off.

Because they don't have to look the other person in the face and say the nasty things they want to say, it's easy to go overboard.

 

[Statistikhengst]

I had a toxic mother and it took me years to get myself to a place where I could become at least a reasonably whole person. I often thought over the years that I could forgive her if I thought she was mentally ill, but the truth is she was just mean. I spent my pre-school years in isolation - no kids to play with ... and I can clearly remember looking out across the road at this place where all these children were outside playing. I can remember in my older years my mother saying, in this voice intonement that I don't know how to describe, "You was so desperate for somebody to play with you'd even play with them little pickaninnies that came by when their parents came to buy flowers to sell."

I'll never know the truth about why I was put in an orphanage at age 7 - anytime I brought the subject up I'd be met with stone silence - and that silence spoke volumes. I didn't see my family that much during those years and I could never figure out why I was sent to one 120 miles from home when there were 3 orphanages right there in the city where we lived - all of them accessible by public transportation.

I have some memory loss about some things - I know I got one hell of a beating at the orphanage and I don't have a clue who gave me that beating or why - I only remember the aftermath. I learned to stifle my emotions, not to cry, only to laugh when appropriate and then very quietly. I was suicidal as a teenager, when I didn't think there was no other way out - and, ironically enough, it was the kids at the orphanage who always pulled me through: I couldn't let them find out that the "bad guys" finally got to me!! I didn't quite realize it at the time, but those kids were my brothers and sisters - and we reunited as a group some 30 years after the fact and it was just like we had seen each other "yesterday". We took up right where we left off so many years ago - and, oh, the stories we told during that reunion.

The nightmares and absolute fear started in when I returned to live with my mother and stopped "just like that" when I graduated HS and left home. The only real hangover I still have is that I HAVE to have covers on me when I sleep because it's the only way I feel safe.

I had a couple mental breakdowns along the way, one of which was a doozie, but I've gotten through it. Somehow, I managed to raise three truly great children who I am so proud of. I'm not quite sure how - I know I made mistakes along the way - but I think I had some sort of subconscious thought to do the opposite of what my mother did. I do remember at some point while under her roof making the decision that I did not want to be like her when I grew up. I also owe a great deal of thanks to my late in-laws. I was never allowed to see my grandparents - a promise my mother made to them. And that was a huge factor in making sure my children saw their grandparents. They spent all their summers living with their grandparents and getting a real sense of family. Even though their dad and I divorced I always remained a member of their family and love them all to this day.

Toxicity is a killer and anyone who can get away from it should do that as soon as possible. Don't walk - RUN!!!

Brava to you. Brava.

 

[Statistikhengst]

Just an FYI. If you really want to stay away for toxic people you should avoid the FZ as much as possible. There are more toxic people per post in this area of USMB than the rest of it combined in my opinion. And that goes across the entire spectrum of posters. Not singling anyone or any side out. Just my observation that the FZ has the highest concentration of toxicity.

I still venture down here and read some posts and make the occasional one too. But that is the exception rather than the rule. My personal rule is to abstain from getting involved down here. I don't care what anyone posts about me down here because I take it from whence it comes. I don't feel any need to defend myself or anyone else in this area.

I just walk away from it all because (a) I don't need the drama, and (b) anyone trying to bring you down is already beneath you to begin with.

Just my 2 cents. No offense intended to anyone personally. Just my honest opinion.

Peace
DT

Not just the Flame Zone, but the Rubber Room and Badlands too.

Some of the threads are started there, but a lot are sent down from other forums upstairs because they're - toxic.

I read most of the junk there, I'll add in comments too. Why? Because I think it's a good idea to keep an eye on some of those people. I find it very strange that some members post only down there and avoid the rest of the USMB.

After rolling around in the waste down there I like to come up to the Lounge to relax and clean off the slimy residue.

LOL That's for this last line.

I didn't know there were people who pretty much only posted in the Flame Zone, Rubber Room and Badlands. They must carry around a heavy load of misery.

Indeed.

 

[Esmeralda]

My Inner Life
by Robert William Service

'Tis true my garments threadbare are,
And sorry poor I seem;
But inly I am richer far
Than any poet's dream.
For I've a hidden life no one
Can ever hope to see;
A sacred sanctuary none
May share with me.

Aloof I stand from out the strife,
Within my heart a song;
By virtue of my inner life
I to myself belong.
Against man-ruling I rebel,
Yet do not fear defeat,
For to my secret citadel
I may retreat.

Oh you who have an inner life
Beyond this dismal day
With wars and evil rumours rife,
Go blessedly your way.
Your refuge hold inviolate;
Unto yourself be true,
And shield serene from sordid fate
The Real You.

 

[strollingbones]

I have only ever been forced to be around one toxic person. He was the friend of a friend and we used to go to gun shows together. Toxic person was always a dreary asshole. One day I asked my friend why he put up with him, and his response was that he felt obligated because they had been friends since grade school.

My response was on the order of, "but, he makes you miserable, he doesn't pay for his own food, you basically have to take care of him....what do YOU get out of the relationship?"

He couldn't answer that. So a few weeks pass and they meet me at the next gun show and once again I ask my friend what does he get from the relationship. And this time I asked him in front of the toxic one. And this time I addressed the toxic one directly and made it clear to my friend that the toxic person was a leech. A succubus who's sole reason for being was to make all of those around him miserable. That if my friend never saw him again the leech would take no notice and would merely find some other poor person to afflict.

A few weeks later just my friend showed up...no leech in tow.... He hasn't visited the toxic one in over 30 years now and he thanks me at least once a year for opening his eyes.

I agree 100%.

More bad vibes are dissipating, so that's a good thing for everyone in general. Toxicity is contagious, deceitful, and cruel. If you stay away from it, and don't feed the trolls you'll meet in life, you will keep your integrity intact. If it is hopeless, stay away from toxic people, and enjoy your life with loved ones and good people while you still can.

Just an FYI. If you really want to stay away for toxic people you should avoid the FZ as much as possible. There are more toxic people per post in this area of USMB than the rest of it combined in my opinion. And that goes across the entire spectrum of posters. Not singling anyone or any side out. Just my observation that the FZ has the highest concentration of toxicity.

I still venture down here and read some posts and make the occasional one too. But that is the exception rather than the rule. My personal rule is to abstain from getting involved down here. I don't care what anyone posts about me down here because I take it from whence it comes. I don't feel any need to defend myself or anyone else in this area.

I just walk away from it all because (a) I don't need the drama, and (b) anyone trying to bring you down is already beneath you to begin with.

Just my 2 cents. No offense intended to anyone personally. Just my honest opinion.

Peace
DT

the flame zone takes the hit yet again....why? we do not venture out and trash yall in threads outside the flame zone...but here you trash the flame zone? hardly seems like that is an attitude of removing toxicity now does it? why are you singling out one forum as a problem? why are you trying to censure anyone on here?

does it bother you that the flame zone is the only true free speech zone?

it is unfortunate that people now see the flame zone as a land mine field it is not....
i have encountered more kindness in the flame zone than outside it.....when i posted my problems with my mom it was in the flame zone and i got a ton of support...the flame zone is like all things....what one makes of it.

 

[Mertex]

the flame zone takes the hit yet again....why? we do not venture out and trash yall in threads outside the flame zone...but here you trash the flame zone? hardly seems like that is an attitude of removing toxicity now does it? why are you singling out one forum as a problem? why are you trying to censure anyone on here?

does it bother you that the flame zone is the only true free speech zone?

it is unfortunate that people now see the flame zone as a land mine field it is not....
i have encountered more kindness in the flame zone than outside it.....when i posted my problems with my mom it was in the flame zone and i got a ton of support...the flame zone is like all things....what one makes of it.

True that other board forums allow for members to denigrate each other, and it is usually regarding political bias, the Flame Zone allows it for any or no reason. At least in the other forums the members spewing the vitriol and name-calling are doing it in the name of politics, but in the Flame Zone they apparently can do it just because they hate the member they are eviscerating. I don't think the other forums allow any member to start a thread for the purpose of denigrating someone like it is done in the FZ. And while it is not pretty no matter where you do it, at least in the other forums they have to stick to the topic at hand or they can be reported for derailing a thread, while in the FZ they can go almost anywhere they want.

Also, there is a difference between "free" speech and "toxic debilitating" speech. The very idea that you can start a thread about a member with the sole purpose being to eviscerate him makes it different than any of the other forums and people that are willing to participate in the evisceration are very much like the people in the other forums, that cannot debate civilly and must make everything they disagree with personal and attack the member personally instead of the issue. There may be good and meaningful threads in the FZ, but lately, most of the new threads are for the purpose of lynching a person with hateful words and comments.

 

[strollingbones]

the flame zone takes the hit yet again....why? we do not venture out and trash yall in threads outside the flame zone...but here you trash the flame zone? hardly seems like that is an attitude of removing toxicity now does it? why are you singling out one forum as a problem? why are you trying to censure anyone on here?

does it bother you that the flame zone is the only true free speech zone?

it is unfortunate that people now see the flame zone as a land mine field it is not....
i have encountered more kindness in the flame zone than outside it.....when i posted my problems with my mom it was in the flame zone and i got a ton of support...the flame zone is like all things....what one makes of it.

True that other board forums allow for members to denigrate each other, and it is usually regarding political bias, the Flame Zone allows it for any or no reason. At least in the other forums the members spewing the vitriol and name-calling are doing it in the name of politics, but in the Flame Zone they apparently can do it just because they hate the member they are eviscerating. I don't think the other forums allow any member to start a thread for the purpose of denigrating someone like it is done in the FZ. And while it is not pretty no matter where you do it, at least in the other forums they have to stick to the topic at hand or they can be reported for derailing a thread, while in the FZ they can go almost anywhere they want.

Also, there is a difference between "free" speech and "toxic debilitating" speech. The very idea that you can start a thread about a member with the sole purpose being to eviscerate him makes it different than any of the other forums and people that are willing to participate in the evisceration are very much like the people in the other forums, that cannot debate civilly and must make everything they disagree with personal and attack the member personally instead of the issue. There may be good and meaningful threads in the FZ, but lately, most of the new threads are for the purpose of lynching a person with hateful words and comments.

i get it ..1st adm right for those you agree with.....

censorship for those you dont.....

 

[Wake]

It's best just to avoid the toxicity in general. I avoid places where toxic people congregate, because that sort of ugliness can drag you in and make you say and do things you wouldn't otherwise do. It's like a poison for the soul, and no one really needs those bad influences in their lives.

 

[Mertex]

the flame zone takes the hit yet again....why? we do not venture out and trash yall in threads outside the flame zone...but here you trash the flame zone? hardly seems like that is an attitude of removing toxicity now does it? why are you singling out one forum as a problem? why are you trying to censure anyone on here?

does it bother you that the flame zone is the only true free speech zone?

it is unfortunate that people now see the flame zone as a land mine field it is not....
i have encountered more kindness in the flame zone than outside it.....when i posted my problems with my mom it was in the flame zone and i got a ton of support...the flame zone is like all things....what one makes of it.

True that other board forums allow for members to denigrate each other, and it is usually regarding political bias, the Flame Zone allows it for any or no reason. At least in the other forums the members spewing the vitriol and name-calling are doing it in the name of politics, but in the Flame Zone they apparently can do it just because they hate the member they are eviscerating. I don't think the other forums allow any member to start a thread for the purpose of denigrating someone like it is done in the FZ. And while it is not pretty no matter where you do it, at least in the other forums they have to stick to the topic at hand or they can be reported for derailing a thread, while in the FZ they can go almost anywhere they want.

Also, there is a difference between "free" speech and "toxic debilitating" speech. The very idea that you can start a thread about a member with the sole purpose being to eviscerate him makes it different than any of the other forums and people that are willing to participate in the evisceration are very much like the people in the other forums, that cannot debate civilly and must make everything they disagree with personal and attack the member personally instead of the issue. There may be good and meaningful threads in the FZ, but lately, most of the new threads are for the purpose of lynching a person with hateful words and comments.

i get it ..1st adm right for those you agree with.....

censorship for those you dont.....

First of all, I'm not censoring anyone. I have not made an effort nor am I on a campaign to close the FZ down. I was just voicing my opinion, so, I don't know how you were able to come to that conclusion. The first amendment still stands for those who spew vitriol as they have not been censored or removed. If you are saying that I prefer civility in debate in lieu of personal attacks, that is a choice, not censorship in any form.

I don't like personal attacks on a debate forum regardless of the political affiliation of the person doing it. I am aware that it is allowed, and most of the time the same people that make it personal on the political threads are the same ones that participate in the FZ. There are many, however, that do it on the political threads that I never see in the FZ, and many that do it in the FZ that I haven't seen in the other threads, but the most prominent ones will do it wherever they are able to.

My comment was geared at the toxic people and their hateful mission to eviscerate those they don't like, whether they do it in the FZ or anywhere else, and how it has become common place lately for some to start threads especially dedicated to doing just that.

 

[Avatar4321]

It's best just to avoid the toxicity in general. I avoid places where toxic people congregate, because that sort of ugliness can drag you in and make you say and do things you wouldn't otherwise do. It's like a poison for the soul, and no one really needs those bad influences in their lives.

That is prudent to do sometimes. Because often we can be corrupted without realizing it.

Sometimes though we need to get alittle dirty to reach out and bring people out of the filth.