Wake
Easygoing Conservative
- Jun 11, 2013
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You’ve probably read about the importance of not surrounding yourself with toxic people. In life you've probably met them. Chances are you may have also been foolish enough to try and get them to stop fighting.
So, wait a minute, what is a toxic person?
What's a Toxic Person and How do You deal with One?
I'm young, and certainly not the sharpest tool in the shed. I've experienced some people in my life who were toxic, and, because of my inexperience and naiveté, I tried to keep the peace.
It was a failure. A complete and utter failure. Every attempt was met with toxic swipes. All while the poison seeped in and affected me adversely.
Enough was enough, so I stopped trying to make their wounds heal, or persuade them to take a hike on the peaceful path. It was just pointless, because they were so consumed by their own toxicity.
Was it the right thing to try and get people you liked to stop hurting one another?
A lot of people certainly agree that keeping the peace is the best thing to do, but at what cost?
What would you do if people you liked kept hurting one another, and when you tried to break it apart you got hurt by them, too?
Those are some of the things I felt while that door to them was open.
And, reading this, I can understand a little better what I should have done earlier. Instead of keeping the door open and being sprayed with venom, close the door off to people in your lives who are toxic... if nothing else works. Just close the door, and don't allow yourself to be poisoned by the negative feelings and emotions, nor let those thoughts bother you.
Let not your heart be troubled. Life is so unbelievably short, so you should spend it with people who are truly happy, upright, and caring. Whatever you do, don't personally attack them, either, because once they react badly it will be just like tackling a pile of anthrax. Don't tackle a pile anthrax. Stay away from it at all costs, or it'll poison your whole being.
It is good to keep the peace, I think, but it's better to avoid toxicity in general. Thinking back, my father was a toxic man himself, and it took me years of being away from him for his influence to sweat out of the pores of my very soul.
Do you agree that it's best to just stay away from toxic people? What would you do?
So, wait a minute, what is a toxic person?
It’s not that the whole person is toxic. Rather, their behavior is toxic or your relationship with the person is toxic, said Jodie Gale, MA, a psychotherapist and life coach in Sydney, Australia.
“Often the person is deeply wounded and for whatever reason, they are not yet able to take responsibility for their wounding, their feelings, their needs and their subsequent problems in life.”
They may overidentify and act out the parts of who they are, such as the victim, bully, perfectionist or martyr, she said. “They act from these parts trying to get their needs met, albeit in an extremely unhealthy way.”
According to Gale, it’s common for people with toxic behavior to: create drama in their lives or be surrounded by it; try to manipulate or control others; be needy (“it is all about them all the time” use others to meet their needs (such as “narcissistic parents” be extremely critical of themselves and others; be jealous and envious of others, bemoaning their bad fortune and others’ good fortune; abuse substances or harm themselves in other ways, and be unwilling (or unable) to seek help from loved ones, a therapist or a recovery program.
What's a Toxic Person and How do You deal with One?
I'm young, and certainly not the sharpest tool in the shed. I've experienced some people in my life who were toxic, and, because of my inexperience and naiveté, I tried to keep the peace.
It was a failure. A complete and utter failure. Every attempt was met with toxic swipes. All while the poison seeped in and affected me adversely.
Enough was enough, so I stopped trying to make their wounds heal, or persuade them to take a hike on the peaceful path. It was just pointless, because they were so consumed by their own toxicity.
Was it the right thing to try and get people you liked to stop hurting one another?
A lot of people certainly agree that keeping the peace is the best thing to do, but at what cost?
What would you do if people you liked kept hurting one another, and when you tried to break it apart you got hurt by them, too?
Signs You’re Surrounded by a Toxic Person
You’re emotionally affected by their drama
You dread (or fear) being around them
You’re exhausted or you feel angry while you’re with them or after your interaction
You feel bad or ashamed about yourself
You’re stuck in a cycle of trying to rescue, fix or care for them.
Those are some of the things I felt while that door to them was open.
“If the person’s toxic behavior doesn’t change, or the relationship is just too toxic for you, send them forward in life with love and compassion, and then move forward with your life,” Gale said.
And, reading this, I can understand a little better what I should have done earlier. Instead of keeping the door open and being sprayed with venom, close the door off to people in your lives who are toxic... if nothing else works. Just close the door, and don't allow yourself to be poisoned by the negative feelings and emotions, nor let those thoughts bother you.
Let not your heart be troubled. Life is so unbelievably short, so you should spend it with people who are truly happy, upright, and caring. Whatever you do, don't personally attack them, either, because once they react badly it will be just like tackling a pile of anthrax. Don't tackle a pile anthrax. Stay away from it at all costs, or it'll poison your whole being.
It is good to keep the peace, I think, but it's better to avoid toxicity in general. Thinking back, my father was a toxic man himself, and it took me years of being away from him for his influence to sweat out of the pores of my very soul.
Do you agree that it's best to just stay away from toxic people? What would you do?
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