- Sep 22, 2013
- 4,956
- 250
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Here's a modernism horror-story inspired by the urbanization-deformity film Friday the 13th: Jason takes Manhattan.
Signing off,
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Ugly Jason wandered around Mardi Gras with his hockey-mask on and his trusted evil machete in his hand. Jason had already killed three African-American women, all festive revellers of Mardi Gras by sticking his machete into their vaginas. Jason was sent by Satan to create pure hell on Earth, and he had the malice to do it! Jason's message was that no cultural festival could remove the blight of slavery and racism in America, so he was willing to use the African-American women as 'puppets' for his hideous crusade. Jason also beheaded three policemen and kept their heads as souvenirs!
President Trump was horrified at the news. "I've hear of bizarre female genital mutilation rituals among African tribes which drew the ire of Western human rights groups and feminists, but hearing about Jason sticking African-American Mardi Gras female revellers with his machete (in their groin!) makes me think the Devil has sent a messenger to tell us about the 'futility' of community values in this age of multiculturalism!" A horror-film maker wanted to adapt these events into a racism-sarcastic horror film titled Black Women of Machete: Mardi Gras from Hell. However, First Lady Melania Trump would not allow such a horrible and disrespectful film to be made, so it was scrapped by all the major movie studios.
Meanwhile, Jason simply disappeared, and the people of New Orleans were frightened that he might resurface the next Mardi Gras. President Trump ordered a special U.S. Navy SEAL to hunt down Jason, and the 'hero' (an Italian-American named Joey Bucoli) donned a vigilante-costume and called himself 'The Punisher.' Punisher (Joey) went through the swamps of Louisiana looking for Jason, and when he found the machete-wielding psycho, he engaged him in a politico-cultural 'debate' (before hauling off to maximum-security prison).
PUNISHER: You stuck your machete in women's groins --- you're from hell.
JASON: I know that...
PUNISHER: Well, Satan can't protect you; you're going to jail (forever).
JASON: If they give me the death penalty, it won't be forever...
PUNISHER: I hope they electrocute you; what kind of a monster would attack women?
JASON: I'm merely a 'messenger.'
PUNISHER: Yeah? What's your message --- "Destroy Mardi Gras!" --- ?
JASON: No. Destroy Starbucks. Destroy Barbie. Destroy McDonald's.
PUNISHER: So we have an 'anti-capitalism nut' on our hands (get in line, the criminal one).
JASON: I'll be romanticized in the press...
PUNISHER: You mean the same way we 'romanticized' the Unabomber? I doubt it!
JASON: You don't know how many people despise capitalism/consumerism.
PUNISHER: Well, I don't think Pizza Hut is going to destroy humanity's fertility.
JASON: A 'cholesterol-culture' is bound to become...barren.
PUNISHER: Something about this smells like the foolishness of the Salem Witch Trials.
JASON: Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned; my female victims are 'Communist vessels.'
====
Signing off,
====
Ugly Jason wandered around Mardi Gras with his hockey-mask on and his trusted evil machete in his hand. Jason had already killed three African-American women, all festive revellers of Mardi Gras by sticking his machete into their vaginas. Jason was sent by Satan to create pure hell on Earth, and he had the malice to do it! Jason's message was that no cultural festival could remove the blight of slavery and racism in America, so he was willing to use the African-American women as 'puppets' for his hideous crusade. Jason also beheaded three policemen and kept their heads as souvenirs!
President Trump was horrified at the news. "I've hear of bizarre female genital mutilation rituals among African tribes which drew the ire of Western human rights groups and feminists, but hearing about Jason sticking African-American Mardi Gras female revellers with his machete (in their groin!) makes me think the Devil has sent a messenger to tell us about the 'futility' of community values in this age of multiculturalism!" A horror-film maker wanted to adapt these events into a racism-sarcastic horror film titled Black Women of Machete: Mardi Gras from Hell. However, First Lady Melania Trump would not allow such a horrible and disrespectful film to be made, so it was scrapped by all the major movie studios.
Meanwhile, Jason simply disappeared, and the people of New Orleans were frightened that he might resurface the next Mardi Gras. President Trump ordered a special U.S. Navy SEAL to hunt down Jason, and the 'hero' (an Italian-American named Joey Bucoli) donned a vigilante-costume and called himself 'The Punisher.' Punisher (Joey) went through the swamps of Louisiana looking for Jason, and when he found the machete-wielding psycho, he engaged him in a politico-cultural 'debate' (before hauling off to maximum-security prison).
PUNISHER: You stuck your machete in women's groins --- you're from hell.
JASON: I know that...
PUNISHER: Well, Satan can't protect you; you're going to jail (forever).
JASON: If they give me the death penalty, it won't be forever...
PUNISHER: I hope they electrocute you; what kind of a monster would attack women?
JASON: I'm merely a 'messenger.'
PUNISHER: Yeah? What's your message --- "Destroy Mardi Gras!" --- ?
JASON: No. Destroy Starbucks. Destroy Barbie. Destroy McDonald's.
PUNISHER: So we have an 'anti-capitalism nut' on our hands (get in line, the criminal one).
JASON: I'll be romanticized in the press...
PUNISHER: You mean the same way we 'romanticized' the Unabomber? I doubt it!
JASON: You don't know how many people despise capitalism/consumerism.
PUNISHER: Well, I don't think Pizza Hut is going to destroy humanity's fertility.
JASON: A 'cholesterol-culture' is bound to become...barren.
PUNISHER: Something about this smells like the foolishness of the Salem Witch Trials.
JASON: Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned; my female victims are 'Communist vessels.'
====
