Illegal Alien

Discussion in 'Humor' started by Shattered, Apr 6, 2007.

  1. Shattered

    Shattered Guest

    An actual letter from an Iowa resident as sent to his senator:

    The Honorable Tom Harkin

    731 Hart Senate Office Building

    Phone (202) 224 3254

    Washington DC, 20510

    Dear Senator Harkin,

    As a native Iowan and excellent customer of the Internal Revenue

    Service, I am writing to ask for your assistance. I have contacted the

    Department of Homeland Security in an effort to determine the process

    for becoming an illegal alien and they referred me to you.

    My primary reason for wishing to change my status from U.S. Citizen

    to illegal alien stems from the bill which was recently passed by the

    Senate and for which you voted. If my understanding of this bill's

    provisions is accurate, as an illegal alien who has been in the

    United States for five years, all I need to do to become a citizen

    is to pay a $2,000 fine and income taxes for three of the last five


    I know a good deal when I see one and I am anxious to get the process

    started before everyone figures it out.

    Simply put, those of us who have been here legally have had to pay

    taxes every year so I'm excited about the prospect of avoiding two years

    of taxes in return for paying a $2,000 fine. Is there any way that I can

    apply to be illegal retroactively? This would yield an excellent result

    for me and my family because we paid heavy taxes in 2004 and 2005.

    Additionally, as an illegal alien I could begin using the local

    emergency room as my primary health care provider. Once I have

    stopped paying premiums for medical insurance, my accountant figures

    I could save almost $10,000 a year.

    Another benefit in gaining illegal status would be that my daughter

    would receive preferential treatment relative to her law school

    applications, as well as "in-state" tuition rates for many colleges

    throughout the United States for my son.

    Lastly, I understand that illegal status would relieve me of the burden

    of renewing my driver's license and making those burdensome car

    insurance premiums. This is very important to me given that I still have

    college age children driving my car.

    If you would provide me with an outline of the process to become

    illegal (retroactively if possible) and copies of the necessary forms, I

    would be most appreciative. Thank you for your assistance.

    Your Loyal Constituent,

    Donald Ruppert

    Burlington, IA

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